How to Not Act Like an Idiot Around Your Crush

Last Updated: March 25, 2022 References

Sometimes nothing seems worse than finally having a private moment with someone you like and then blabbering on uncontrollably, like some sort of nightmare where you’re helpless to stop yourself. But with a little patience and self-control, you can easily prevent yourself from prattling on like a fool. Practicing a few calming techniques before you see them can help settle your nerves. Taking the initiative and approaching them yourself will help you over the next hurdle. Finally, paying attention to your body as you talk will help you maintain control and project confidence.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Calming Down Before You See Them

1
Just breathe. When you see your crush and start feeling excited and nervous, focus on your breathing. Remember that your lungs get less oxygen when you take quick, short breaths, which makes your heart speed up and your body tense up. So make a point of taking deep, long breaths to calm both your body and mind.^{[1]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- Inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth.
- Encourage deeper breaths by imagining that your lungs are down in your abs.
- Practice on your own so it’s easier to do when your crush is around.
2
Make an “okay” sign with your fingers. This may sound odd, but it’s actually a yoga trick called the Gyan Mudra. Form an “O” by joining the tip of your index finger with the tip of your thumb, just like you would to signal “okay” to someone. Refocus your attention from the inside to the outside. Instead of focusing on the excitement building up inside you, just concentrate on the feeling of your thumb and fingertip touching.^{[2]
X
Research source}
- You can do this right before you see that special someone, or even while you’re talking to them. Just hold your hands behind your back when you see them, or use whatever you’re holding (like a textbook) to hide it from view if you think it looks odd.
Advertisement
3
Use music to relax. If you know you will be seeing your crush any minute, listen to something relaxing beforehand if you can. Create a playlist full of calming music on your device. Otherwise, just play a song that usually calms you down in the back of your head.^{[3]
X
Research source}
- Whatever music you choose, the keyword is “relaxing.”
- Your body’s rhythms will naturally fall in sync with the music’s.
- This means your body will start getting worked up if you play something too exciting.
4
Dance a little. Get rid of your anxieties by dancing them out before you see that guy or girl who makes you swoon. This is a proven way to relieve stress, so if you’re all alone (or if you don’t mind busting a move in public) go all out and dance it off. Otherwise, just move your feet around by taking a walk, stepping on and off a curb or stair, or something similar.^{[4]
X
Research source}
- Depending on what type of music you like to dance to, this might seem to contradict the whole bit about listening to relaxing music. But don’t worry about that.
- Dancing will increase your blood flow throughout your body and deliver more oxygen everywhere, which help tense muscles relax and feel better. So if you’re going to be active, the more active the better!
- Then, as the hour draws near when you expect to run into your crush, switch over to your playlist of your relaxing music to get yourself squared and centered.
5
Be confident in your looks. Don't fret over those little imperfections that you'd like to wish away. Also, don't worry about trying to morph into a certain "type" that you think your crush might like. Dress the way you like to dress. Style your hair the way you like it. Be yourself and own it!
- Sure, people are definitely attracted to certain looks. But it's been proven that people are likely to respond much quicker to your level of confidence than your appearance.
- So, if you're a brunette or redhead who's worried that your crush only seems to date blondes (or vice versa), stop worrying! As long as you act confident in your own looks, they'll be more blown away by your self-assurance than your hair color.^{[5]
  X
  Research source}

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Talking with Them

1
Be bold. When you see your crush, just go right up and start a conversation.^{[6]
X
Research source} Show them how confident you are by going straight for it instead of shying away.^{[7]
X
Research source} Don’t give yourself time to overthink things and grow anxious (or give someone else the chance to swoop in and steal their attention). Just walk on up and open with something casual.^{[8]
X
Expert Source

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} Try:^{[9]
X
Research source}
- Asking a question about something you share in common, like a class: “Hey, do you know which pages Mr. Kingsley asked us to read for tomorrow? I didn’t write them down, and now I can’t remember.”
- Commenting on something that peaks your interest, like their new sneakers: “Hey, nice kicks! Where’d you get them?”
- Using something incidental to get the ball rolling, like the book they’re reading: “You know, that one’s been in my to-read pile forever. Is it worth getting into?”
2
Keep them talking about themselves. Once you draw them into a conversation, keep the spotlight on them at first to draw them in farther. Think of yourself as an interviewer and ask a lot of follow-up questions. This will flatter their ego by showing that you’re interested in what they think, and give you a chance to grow more comfortable with them before the spotlight turns on you. For example, if you opened the conversation by commenting on the book they’re reading:^{[10]
X
Research source}
- Ask if they’ve read any of that author’s books. If they have, which would they recommend reading first?
- Say the book they recommend was turned into a movie. Ask which they liked better and why.
- As you go on, let the conversation flow naturally from topic to topic, but keep the focus on what they think of that topic, whatever it may be.
- So, if they really liked the movie adaptation because their favorite director made it, ask why they like that director, which film is their favorite, and so on.
3
Look at them. Make direct eye-contact when you walk up to them and maintain it as you talk. Show them that you’re interested in what they have to say by keeping your attention on them. Avoid glancing away and staring off at something else, which might make them think you’re bored, distracted, or feeling defensive.^{[11]
X
Research source}
- That isn’t to say that you should stare at them without blinking, though, because that could be creepy.
- Take natural breaks. Shut your eyes or look away when you laugh. If someone else shouts or zips by on a bike a few feet away, glance at them.
- Just keep your breaks brief and bring your attention back to your crush immediately.
- Don’t forget to smile when you first approach. Show them that you’re happy to be talking to them and that they should be happy, too!
4
Concentrate on them, not you. Focus on what’s happening outside of you instead of your internal emotions. Tune all of your attention to what your crush says and does. Empty your mind of everything else so you only react to the conversation, not any anxiety that you might be feeling inside.^{[12]
X
Research source}
- Of course, don’t take that too literally and stand there empty-headed like a zombie.
- The trick is to quiet any thoughts that don’t have anything to do with what the two of you are talking about right here, right now.
- This way you won’t overthink things and make the conversation awkward by worrying about stuff that has nothing to do with it.
5
Offer your own take on things. Asking your crush lots of questions at first shows your interest in their thoughts and opinions, but remember to start sharing your own as you grow more comfortable around them. Don’t make them feel like this is a police interrogation. Make the conversation an equal give-and-take as you go on.^{[13]
X
Research source}
- Let’s say you’re still talking about their favorite director and movies. If one of their favorite movies is one of yours, too, say so and tell them why you love it.
- If not, play the desert island game and ask which five movies they’d bring with them to watch for the rest of their lives. Then share your own picks and the reasons why.
- As you go on and ask them more questions, share your own answers after they do. For instance, if all five of their desert island picks are horror flicks, say, “You’re really into horror, huh?” Then share your own opinion on the genre.
- By being bold, asking lots of questions, and sharing your own answers, you can make them feel like the conversation is equal parts give-and-take.
- At the same time, you get to direct the course of the conversation so you can reveal exactly what you want to share about yourself.
6
Keep things light. Make the conversation enjoyable by sticking to topics that you both enjoy. Leave serious talks for the future, when the two of you are officially together. For now, just show your crush that you’re a fun person to talk to, and keep the conversation carefree.^{[14]
X
Research source}
- Avoid being negative. Say you absolutely hate their favorite movie. Don’t put them off by picking it apart.
- That isn’t to say you have to lie and say you loved it. Be honest, but carefree. Just say you couldn’t get into it, and leave it at that.
- Then use some aspect about it as a springboard to something you can speak positively about. For example, if an actor in that movie was in a movie you do love, switch topics by saying something like, “Oh, but you know what Tom Hardy movie I do love . . .?”
- On the other hand, if you both think a movie was terrible, feel free to bond over picking it apart if you both enjoy doing that!
7
Keep a positive frame of mind. Don't assume everything's destined to go wrong. That will just increase your chances of self-fulfilling that destiny and acting like more of an idiot! Instead, keep an open mind. Stop yourself from trying to read too much into every little thing your crush says or does. Unless they flat-out say, "I don't like you," take it easy on yourself. Go with the flow and assume everything will work out for the best.^{[15]
X
Research source}
- You're not a mind-reader, so give yourself a break if they seem withdrawn when you talk with them. They could be tired, distracted, or depressed about something else entirely.
- Focus on what goes right instead of worrying about what goes wrong. For example, if you made them laugh with a joke, cherish that moment instead of dwelling on the fact that you stuttered a few times.
- Keep a sense of humor about yourself. Remember: everyone acts like an idiot sometimes, so don't beat yourself up when you do. Showing your crush that you can laugh at yourself will make you seem even more confident.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Controlling Your Body

1
Focus on your body language, not your body. Don’t worry about imperfections. Remember: everybody has some. Instead of worrying needlessly about hiding this or that feature, focus instead on showing self-confidence through your body language. So fix yourself up and dress according to your own style instead of trying to force-fit yourself into a “type” that you think your crush might like better.^{[16]
X
Research source}
- People are far more likely to respond to your self-confidence than your appearance.
- Focus less on what your face and body look like, and more on how you carry yourself.
2
Be still. Try not to fidget or act jumpy. Avoid nervous behavior like tapping your feet or fingers or playing with your hair, ear, or anything else. Whether you’re standing or sitting, remain composed. Only move when it’s called for. Show you own the room by not acting like you’re ready to flee at the drop of a hat.^{[17]
X
Research source}
- Keep your feet from tapping or your knees from bouncing by concentrating on keeping both feet flat on the floor.
- Use your hands to make gestures if that’s what you normally do. Just try to keep it to a minimum and be graceful about it so your special someone isn’t distracted by wild flailing.
- If you feel like some part of you absolutely must move, focus your attention on your breathing. Breathe deeply and concentrate on how your chest rises and falls.
3
Pay attention to your hands and arms. Avoid the temptation to stick your hands in your pockets. Also fight the urge to cross arms. Your crush might see these as signs of boredom, anger, or defensiveness. Keep your arms hanging relaxed by your sides when standing, or fold your hands over your lap if you’re sitting.
- If you find this hard, bring something to hold when you talk to them to keep your hands occupied. This could be anything from a textbook, bag, or even a pair of sneakers if you’re on your way to the gym.^{[18]
  X
  Research source}
- If you do bring a prop to hold, just bring one. Juggling a pile of random stuff might make you seem like a disorganized mess.^{[19]
  X
  Research source}
4
Keep your feet and legs in mind as well. Resist the urge to fold in on yourself and hold yourself too tightly. Instead, show your confidence by setting your feet slightly apart from each other. Aim your toes directly at your crush. Show them that your attention is focused squarely on them. Avoid creating the impression that you’re ready to bolt in some other direction.^{[20]
X
Research source}
- Do the same if you’re seated facing each other. If you’re seated side by side instead, angle your feet slightly toward them.
- Cross an ankle over one knee when you’re sitting if that feels more comfortable.
5
Maintain good posture. Keep your back straight, your shoulders down, and your arms relaxed. Stick your chest out a little. Avoid hunching over or tensing your shoulders all the way up to your ears. Whether you’re sitting, standing still, or walking, stay relaxed, move slowly, and keep your back tall and proud.
- The key is to come off as relaxed, so if you have bad posture in general, start working on improving it when you’re alone. If you aren’t used to good posture, you may come across as stiff and cranky if you force it.
- Another exception would be if your crush is much shorter than you are. In this case, feel free to hunch forward to bring your heads closer together. This way you won’t come across as staring down your nose at them.

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I avoid coming on too strong around a girl I like?

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach."

Connell Barrett

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Anything that makes a woman feel uncomfortable is coming on too strong. That could be going in for the kiss way too abruptly or being physical and touching before she's comfortable enough.
Question

What if showing that you like them backfires and he/she thinks it's awkward?

Community Answer

Give them space instead of trying to pressure them into a decision. Once they know you like them, let them know the ball is in their court and give them time to think it over.
Question

What should I do if my crush is really quiet? We're dance partners for physical education and he keeps on blushing for no reason.

Community Answer

Sometimes you have to take a risk and make the first move. If he seems shy, draw him out with more and more friendly chitchat. Try to find more private moments when the two of you can be alone and not worry about other people watching.