How to Make a Guy Regret Losing You

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Last Updated: February 23, 2023 References Approved

Your relationship with your ex-boyfriend has ended, and you want to make sure he knows exactly what he’s missing. Whether you want to get back together with him or not, you want to remind him that you are a great catch and that he’s missing out. Consider who he is as a person, who you are, and show him exactly what he’s missing out on. The best way to show him what he’s missing is to focus on yourself, not him. So keep your distance from him, make positive changes in your own life, and embrace the potential for new experiences.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Setting Boundaries

1
Keep your distance. He doesn’t get to decide when and if you talk again. Of course you need to respect any boundaries or requests of his, but if he’s left it open, you choose when you’ll talk again and how, be it via phone, text, or email. This may be difficult initially, but with practice, keeping your distance will be easier.^{[1]
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- Your control over the initial communications shows him that he no longer has unrestricted access to you.
- Go at least one month after your breakup before you speak again.
- For example, if you used to send him a message the day of a doctor’s appointment to remind him to go, don’t do that now. He will need to rely on his calendar, not you.
- Or, don’t call to tell him that your favorite movie has come on television. Instead, make some popcorn and enjoy your show.
2
Embrace positive changes. After the breakup, it’s time to reinvent yourself a little. Not for your ex or anyone else, but for you. You deserve a fresh beginning. Maybe you’ve been interested in joining a club or taking up a hobby – now’s the perfect time. Or perhaps you’d like to connect with someone who you’ve lost touch with – now’s the perfect time. Whatever you choose, give yourself permission to change, to be even better than you were yesterday, and do it for you and nobody else.
- Your ex will see positive changes in you and notice that you’re moving on and growing without him. He will hopefully be happy for you and definitely regret that he’s not a part of it.
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3
Define your relationship. It’s important that you both have a clear understanding of what your relationship is and isn’t. You are together or you aren’t. It can be difficult to stick to your word, but you need to tell him that you’re together or over. There is no on and off option and you won’t be sticking around for him to come back to when he chooses.^{[2]
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- This is about you asserting control over yourself and your emotional health.
- You can tell him, “Now that we’ve broken up, we need to figure out what our relationship is and how we’ll interact with one another, if at all. There cannot be ambiguity here and I need closure.”

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Boosting Your Self-Confidence

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Get some exercise. Exercise really does nourish the body, mind, and heart. Whether you enjoy exercising initially or not, keep with it. Make exercise a new habit. Your body will become stronger, your brain will actually work better, and you’ll nourish your heart.^{[3]
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- There are plenty of gyms that offer monthly memberships now, meaning you get all the perks of a gym without a lengthy contract to bog you down.
2
Be social. Get out there, be social, and enjoy your life. Take this opportunity to reconnect with people and activities that bring you joy. This is also an opportunity to discover new social activities that you have been meaning to look into. He will likely hear about your new social life, or he may even see photos online, and he’ll see that you’re living your life without him.^{[4]
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- See your friends
- Go to dinner
- Go to the theater
- Go to festivals – make a day trip of it
- Join a meetup group
- Join a hobby club
- Don’t go overboard with pictures of you going out, as it may give the appearance that you’ve lost self-control because of your breakup.
3
Practice positive thinking. There’s an idea that you attract what you think, and if you think positive thoughts, you’ll attract positive energy in your life. More than that, by practicing positive thinking, you’ll learn to quiet all those negative, self-doubt thoughts that tend to creep up when you least expect them. Positive thinking is a habit that takes work, but is well worth the effort.^{[5]
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- Start small. Think about a negative thought that you tend to have and how you could make it positive. Then, the next time you have that negative thought, push it away and replace it with the positive thought instead.
- For example, you might have a recurring thought that you’re just not as talented as everyone else and that you’ll never be successful. Counter that negative talk. You are merely expressing fear and anxiety, not a true fact. Instead of letting your fears and worries run rampant, correct your fearful thinking. For instance, you could say, “Everyone has a talent. I just have to discover mine.” And, “There are many ways to be successful. I have succeeded in many aspects of my life already. I will find ways to be successful every day, and I will continue to find ways to improve."
4
Focus on your strengths. You have strengths and you need to focus on them. Focusing on what you do well will encourage you to continue thriving and succeeding. Your success is yours and it is something that nobody can take from you. You build strength by exploiting your own talents and, as with anything, the more you do it, the better you’ll become. And your continued growth will only open up more opportunities for personal growth and advancement.^{[6]
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- You might consider your professional strengths, or your personal talents, or even your artistic abilities. Combine strengths to develop something truly unique to you.
- For example, you’ve loved baking as a hobby for years. You absolutely love making homemade goodies and sharing them with your loved ones. Consider starting a blog in which you highlight your baking skills and recipes.
- Or perhaps you’re great at organizing and juggling complex tasks. You’re the person that people go to at work to fix problems, especially when they seem too big to handle. You can use these skills and start your own business on the side as a personal assistant or even a life coach.
- Maybe you absolutely love animals and would love to spend more time with them. You have an almost empathetic connection with them. Take that special talent and volunteer at a sanctuary for the rehabilitation of animals or your local zoo.
5
Get to know yourself. You might find yourself wondering “what now?” after a breakup. You’re so accustomed to sharing experiences with another person that you may have lost touch with yourself. Getting to know yourself and figuring out who you are, what your likes and dislikes are, and even how you feel about religious and political matters are essential to moving forward. When you move forward, he will see what he’s missing out on.
- Start out simple and make a list. List what you like to do for fun, what adventures you’d like to take, your dream vacations, and your hobby interests. Make as many lists as necessary. The act of considering yourself and writing your thoughts down will help you get to know yourself much better.
- Or you can meditate, formally or less formally, by simply closing your eyes, doing calm breathing, and allowing yourself to sit in silence. Acknowledge and quiet your thoughts so that you’re alone with only yourself with no distractions.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Enjoying Yourself

1
Make new friends. Whether you lost a few friends in the breakup or not, it’s a good idea to make new friends after you’ve broken up. That is not to say that you should get rid of your current friends, but that you should expand your social circle. Making new friends will open you up to new experiences and will also help you distance yourself from your ex. If you don’t share the same social circle, he won’t always be able to keep tabs on you either, which will allow you some room to heal.^{[7]
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- The digital age has really opened up options when it comes to meeting people. You can join local Facebook groups, or MeetUp groups, or participate in message boards. These groups can be about shared interests (books, movie genres, or even music), or geography (city, state, neighborhood), or even shared experiences (parenthood, divorce, military veterans).
- Also, your local bookstores and coffee houses will likely have groups that meet regularly for a common interest or goal.
- If you attend school, your high school or college will have social, sport, and academic clubs that you can participate in.
2
Treat yourself. You deserve to treat yourself to something that you normally wouldn’t splurge on. Go for it – pamper yourself a little, or go exploring, go on a date with yourself, or maybe get that hand bag you’ve been looking at for a long time. Think of one or two things that you’d really enjoy and give yourself a gift.^{[8]
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- Try going on a trip or vacation alone. Take some time to explore a new place or experience something new by yourself.
- Pamper yourself with self-care gifts. Maybe now is the time to buy that massage package or those new pots and pans you’ve been looking at.
- Take yourself out – go to a bookstore, or dinner, or even a movie.
3
Be kind to yourself. You know that being kind to others is important because it helps someone else and also makes you feel better. But you can’t forget to be kind to yourself, especially now. You take care of others and now it’s time to take care of yourself. He will regret that he’s missing out on your kindness.^{[9]
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- Stop and get yourself a coffee on the way to work.
- Go get that new outfit, game, or piece of sporting equipment.
- Compliment yourself – find one thing every day to compliment yourself about.
- Be patient with yourself.
4
Have fun. You want him to regret losing you, but the most important focus should be your own happiness. Go out and have fun! Don’t worry about his feelings. You can’t control how he feels. But you can have fun – go out with friends, go play miniature golf, go swimming, go camping – just go out and have fun.
5
Create new habits. This is a little different than changing your routine. Creating new habits means developing positive new behaviors that become almost second nature with repetition. New habits that you develop should be created with the sole focus of improving your life or making you happier. After all, your happiness is great for you and attractive to others.^{[10]
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- Your habits might be learning based, such as learning two new foreign language vocabulary words every morning or spending 20 minutes reading the news.
- Your habits might also be more physical based, such as doing two minutes of sit-ups and pushups every morning.
- Or they might be spiritually based, such as reading from a religious text for half an hour every evening.