How to Let Your Mom Know when You're Mad

Co-authored by Seth Hall

Last Updated: March 1, 2022 References

We can sometimes get irritated or frustrated with our mothers and become angry with them. When you begin to feel anger towards your mom, it is important to express your emotions in a positive manner. Lashing out and being mean will likely result in you being punished, making you feel even worse. If you learn to deal with your anger in the moment and manage it every day, you will be able to express it constructively and not hurt your mom’s feelings.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Expressing Your Anger Constructively

1
Tell your mom that you are mad. If you are feeling angry with your mom, let her know in a nice way. Tell her that she did something to upset you. Let her know how that made you feel. Although this may be easier said than done, be sure to talk to your mom in a calm manner so that you can resolve whatever conflict you are having.^{[1]
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- Do not scream and yell at you mom. This will likely only make her more upset with you.
- When you talk to your mom, be clear about your emotions and say things like “I’m mad at you because…” or “I feel angry because…”
- If you feel like your mom is more strict with you than your other siblings, you can say something like “I’m mad at you because you always punish me and not Steve!”
- If you are upset because you feel like you do more than your fair share of chores, say something like “I’m frustrated because I feel like I am the only one who has to take out the trash and sweep the floors.”
2
Try to get some space from her. If you feel like you are going to yell at your mom, try to put some space between you and her. Let your mom know that you are upset with her and that you are taking a timeout to cool down. Go outside and walk around or go to another room. Giving yourself some space will help you calm down and not lash out at your mom.^{[2]
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- This is a very mature thing to do and your mom should be proud your responsible attitude.
- Say something like “I’m upset and I’m going to my room to cool down.”
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3
Make a joke. Humor can be a great way to deal with anger. If you are feeling upset with your mom, try expressing your displeasure in a funny way. Say something absurd to convey that you are upset but in a way that diffuses the tension. However, do not be harsh or sarcastic with your mom. This is rude and will likely only make the situation worse.^{[3]
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- If you are upset because your sibling gets to do something and you do not, say something like “I’m angry that Tim gets to go roller skating and I don’t. I’m not as upset as I’d be if he got to go to Mars without me, but I’m upset.”
4
Draw a picture about how you feel. If you get upset with your mom, draw a picture of what she did and how that made you feel. Show her the picture and explain to her why you drew it. This will help you convey your emotions in a way that your mom can help you with.^{[4]
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5
Write your mom a note. Instead of yelling at your mom, put your feelings down on paper and then share them with her. Give her your note and let her read it on her own. Once she has read it, talk with her about how you feel.^{[5]
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6
Respect your mom. The most important thing to remember when expressing your anger towards your mom is to be respectful.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Seth Hall
Life Coach
Expert Interview. 16 November 2021.} Do not scream and yell at her. Do not be mean and say hurtful things. Do not hit your mom or be violent with her. Although you may have these urges, try to avoid them and be nice to your mom.
- If you are having a hard time calming down, try focusing on the things that your mom has done for you. That might help give you some perspective.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Dealing with Your Anger in the Moment

1
Take a deep breath. If you feel your anger towards your mom bubbling up, breathe deeply and release your breath from your diaphragm. Slowly breathe and try to get as much air as you can into your lungs. Do this a few times or until you begin to calm down.^{[7]
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- Really concentrate on each breath you take. Think about the sensation of breathing in and exhaling.
- You can exhale loudly to let your mom know that you are upset.
2
Close your eyes. As you are breathing, shut your eyes. Try to picture yourself in a place that you find peaceful and relaxing. Visualize that place and how it makes you feel. This should help the tension melt away.^{[8]
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3
Count to ten. Slowly count to ten in your head or out loud. Focus on each number and pronouncing it slowly. Synch your countdown with your breathing in order to help you relax.^{[9]
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Go to source}
- If you count to ten out loud, this may let your mom know that you are upset.
4
Stretch out. When you get angry, your muscles become tense. Lie down and stretch your body to relieve the tension in your muscles. As the tension leaves your muscles, you will begin to feel less angry.^{[10]
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- Try lying down in your room or somewhere private away from your mom.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Managing Your Anger

1
Think about why you got angry. After you calm down, talk with your mom about being angry and try to understand why you got mad at her. Talk to her about how you felt. It is important to understand what specifically made you upset with your mom.^{[11]
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Trustworthy Source
American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
Go to source}
- Try keeping a journal and write down how you feel. This may be a good outlet for your anger.
- Think about whether you are actually mad at your mom or upset about something else.
2
Try to express all of your emotions. It is not only important to tell your mom when you are angry, but also when you are sad, scared, happy, or experiencing any other emotion. Bottling up your emotions, particularly anger, will lead to outbursts and tantrums, which can be problematic.^{[12]
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- Every time you do something, try to label how it makes you feel. For example, “I am happy I am eating this pizza” or “this movie is making me sad.”
3
Relax. Take time to unwind and do the things that you enjoy doing. Go play with your friends and pursue your interests. If you get too caught up in stressful things like school, you will be more likely to get upset. Talk to your mom about making more time for the things that you like to do. That way, you will be less likely to lose your temper with her in the future.^{[13]
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4
Adopt a healthy lifestyle. Getting enough sleep, eating properly, and exercising regularly can all help make you happier. Maintaining a healthy lifestyle will help you feel your best and make you less likely to lose your temper with your mom.^{[14]
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- Talk with your mom about ways that you can improve your diet and get more exercise.
- Try practicing meditation or yoga as a way to calm yourself.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you explain to someone why you're mad?

Seth Hall
Life Coach
Seth T. Hall is a Certified Life Coach and Founder of Transformational Solutions, a Los Angeles-based life-coaching company that helps people achieve their toughest goals, find their own voice, and think outside the box. He has been a life coach for over 10 years, specializing in personal development, relationships, career and finance, and wellness. He has helped his clients break the negative cycles in their lives and replace them with a positive, proactive mindset. Seth believes that everyone has the potential to live a fulfilling and rewarding life, and works passionately to help them reach their full potential. With a deep understanding of how our minds work and the power of positive thinking, he encourages his clients to find their unique paths in life and find success on their own terms. He is a certified master practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming, a featured co-author for WikiHow, and co-author of "The Mountain Method”, “The Happy Tiger”, and “The V.I.S.I.O.N.S. Program”.

Seth Hall

Life Coach

Expert Answer

Be assertive about what happened, but remember to be as respectful as possible and to take responsibility for your part in any challenging situation. For example, try saying something like "When you said/did _____, it made me feel ______."
Question

How do I stop being mad at my mom?

Seth Hall
Life Coach
Seth T. Hall is a Certified Life Coach and Founder of Transformational Solutions, a Los Angeles-based life-coaching company that helps people achieve their toughest goals, find their own voice, and think outside the box. He has been a life coach for over 10 years, specializing in personal development, relationships, career and finance, and wellness. He has helped his clients break the negative cycles in their lives and replace them with a positive, proactive mindset. Seth believes that everyone has the potential to live a fulfilling and rewarding life, and works passionately to help them reach their full potential. With a deep understanding of how our minds work and the power of positive thinking, he encourages his clients to find their unique paths in life and find success on their own terms. He is a certified master practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming, a featured co-author for WikiHow, and co-author of "The Mountain Method”, “The Happy Tiger”, and “The V.I.S.I.O.N.S. Program”.

Seth Hall

Life Coach

Expert Answer

A lot of times, simply acknowledging the other person's thoughts and feelings without being defensive or minimizing their experience is a game changer and can help you resolve the situation.