How to Learn to Love Your Little Sister

Co-authored by William Gardner, PsyD

Last Updated: October 6, 2021

Sibling relationships can sometimes be complicated, but they can also lead to an incredibly strong life-long bond. We can help you get closer to your sister so you can learn to appreciate her for who she is.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Adjusting to Your Differences

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Forget about ‘favorites.’ Your parents don’t have a favorite child. You both simply have needs that differ, so your parents handle each of you in unique ways. Sometimes it may seem that your parents give your little sister more attention, but she may just be less independent than you are. Smaller children need more of everything – including more attention.^{[1]
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2
Be proud of who you are. You may feel that people like your little sister more than you. She may have different afterschool hobbies that make her seem more popular. The fact that she is different from you is what makes both of you so unique. An important step toward loving your sister is accepting that you can be different people.

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Establish a private space. It can be hard in a large family household to find a space that is entirely your own. An important part of learning to love other family members is having a place you can be on your own. This could be a treehouse, or a closet you keep your games in. Just make sure you don’t claim a shared space as your own. Ask your parents before deciding a corner of the house is all your own.
- As time goes on, you may feel comfortable inviting your little sister in, and sharing your special space with her. This will be a bonding experience for both of you.
4
Recognize gender differences. If you are a boy, it can be frustrating seeing the kind of attention a little sister gets. Your father may be gentler with her and tougher on you. This isn’t because your parents love you less than her – it is a common parenting style. It is important for you to recognize that they don’t necessarily mean to act differently toward you, but it is an aspect of the society in which you live.^{[2]
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5
Think about her age. Your little sister may be young enough that she still needs more love and attention than more mature siblings. This is an important part of childhood. You had the same level of attention when you were her age, but probably didn’t realize it. It is important for you to accept that you two are in different stages of childhood. Pitch in and help your parents give your little sister the love and attention she needs, and you will feel it on your end as well.
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Ask your parents about ending conflicts. It is not always easy to grow up with your little sister, and fights are likely to happen. Your parents have been handling conflicts for a long time, and they will have some tips for moving past disputes. It is often a matter of seeing the conflict for what it is, and removing it from the context of who is fighting.
- It is important for you to learn to settle disputes between yourselves. However, know that your parents are ready to step in if one or both of you can’t let down your defenses.

Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

Involving Your Little Sister

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Learn more about your sister. Find out what she likes and what her hobbies are. You can ask her, your parents, family, and/or her friends to learn how you can share experiences with her. You might also just watch her to see how she likes to spend her time. You may not share all the same interests, but connecting with one or a few hobbies can go a long way in cementing a friendship.#Ask your little sister to hang out. Doing what she likes is a good way to make connections with her. If she is young, she may not have developed the recognition that she should try to do things others enjoy. Help her gain this skill by joining in on her activities, and then gradually introducing her to yours.
- Come up with lots of suggestions of things to do. Like drawing, watching a movie, having a tea party, etc. and let her pick.
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Be nice to her. You want to be a role model to your younger sister, not an enemy. Modeling friendly behavior is a good way to teach her adult life skills as well as make you two closer. It may not always be easy to be nice to her, but it is important to show that you are able to take her mood changes in stride.
- If she is acting up, it may not be about you. Learn to recognize when your sister just needs someone to talk to.
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Let her get her way. Although you may not like this or think this is fair, young children don’t always have the mental capacity to give in to others. By letting her have her way she will like you more because she is getting what she wants. Once she is your friend, you can gradually show her the rewards of letting others get their way sometimes.
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Try to agree. You and your sister have varying interests and opinions. Though you may not always agree with her, try to see her point of view and accept it. You come from the same background, so you should be able to put yourself in her shoes to understand her. Make a point of finding things to agree on to build the foundation of a great relationship.^{[3]
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Expert Source

William Gardner, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 25 July 2019.}

Community Q&A

Question

What should I do when my little sister purposely does things to annoy me?

Community Answer

Pretend like you don't care. If she doesn't get the reaction she's looking for, she'll probably stop.
Question

My sister and I don't get along well. How do I fix this?

Community Answer

Maybe there is something bothering her (or you). Ask her what's bothering her, but balance your time and space together and see if time heals your relationship.
Question

My sister and I are always fighting about silly things, what should I do?

Community Answer

I am a little sister and my older sister and I fight over silly things as well. The best thing to do is ignore the things that annoy you that you shouldn't be annoyed by. It is also a good idea to give your sister some space so you two can talk about the things you both like.