How to Grow Closer to Each Other

Co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW

Last Updated: January 31, 2023 References

The hustle and bustle of everyday life can make it difficult to establish close relationships. Even when you work hard at forging a bond with someone, it can sometimes feel like there’s still some distance between you that you’d like to close. By working on your communication skills, spending more time together, and being more affectionate, you can work to grow closer to your partner.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Working on Communication

1
Talk to one another.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.} Whether your relationship is just starting out or you’ve been together a while, it’s always important to talk to each other. Get to know one another through conversation.

Ask about their day, or what’s on their mind. Tell them about what’s bothering you and confide in them. The most basic communication is necessary and effective in strengthening your bond with your partner.

If you feel like there’s distance between you and your partner, let them know. Talking to them about how you’re feeling can help bridge the gap. Say something like, “I feel like we aren’t as close as we used to be. What can we do to fix this?”
2
Ask important questions. Even if you feel like you already know everything about your partner, there is always more to learn. Ask them about their dreams, goals, and ideas. Listen intently and respond thoughtfully. Ask them how they feel about your relationship, and if they think there is any area that could use some work.

By asking them meaningful, important questions, you will not only show them you care enough to learn more about them and their thoughts, but you will also be working on strengthening your relationship.

Some other questions you might consider are: what traits do you value most in a partner? When was the last time you felt really disappointed? Where do you see yourself in five or ten years? What’s something that always makes you happy?

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3
Have deeper, more meaningful discussions. It’s important to talk about your everyday lives with one another, but it’s also important to go deeper than that in your conversations. Try to set aside time each day to have a real, meaningful conversation with your partner.

Maybe there is something on your mind that you need to discuss, or maybe your partner has been under some stress at work and might want to unload. Keep that space open for real conversation, and make it a point to engage with one another on that level as often as possible.

Try talking about your feelings, either for one another or in general. Having emotional discussions can lead to a sense of vulnerability and trust, which can bring you closer together.^{[2]
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4
Leave each other love notes. Use text messages or sticky notes to leave one another little love notes now and then. Randomly letting your partner know you care can make them feel special and important. Love notes are a simple, sweet way to remind your partner of your feelings for them.
- No matter how much time goes by in a relationship, it’s important not to let one another forget how you feel for each other. Losing sight of the feelings that made you fall for each other in the first place can sometimes make you feel distant.
5
Consider seeking the help of a therapist.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.} Despite myths that couples’ therapy is ineffective, it can actually be a great tool for strengthening your relationship. Find a provider in your area, or through your insurance network if you’re covered. However, make sure you have a serious discussion about seeking therapy beforehand, and that both of you are on board.^{[4]
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- Take some time to discuss what you would both like in a therapist as well. For example, do you feel more comfortable with a man or a woman? Do you want to do sessions together or separately? Make a list of what you both want.
6
Share in your worries and joys. As partners, you probably have at least a few things that you both worry about or get joy from. Whether it’s parenting, work, extended families, or finances, there are probably things you could spend time discussing together. Having someone to share in those emotions with you is a great way to feel closer by sharing a common ground.
- You don’t need to worry, or even be happy, alone. Your partner is there to go through those things with you. Try your best not to distance yourself from them. Instead, work to include them.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Planning Activities Together

1
Recreate memorable dates. If you have been together for a while, you probably had a few really great or memorable dates early on in your relationship. Your first date, for example, probably holds an important spot in your memories.

Recreate those moments—go to the same restaurant, watch the same movie, or take a walk down the same street that you did on that memorable night. Reliving those moments with one another will remind you both of what brought and kept you together.

You could also bring back things you used to do early on in the relationship. For example, if you used to call each other a certain pet name, or had an inside joke, bring those things back to keep that spark alive and feel closer to each other.
2
Try a new activity together. As great as those old memories are, it’s still important to make new ones. Try new things together. Pick things that are new to both of you, so you will both be experiencing it for the first time together.

For example, you might try a pottery class if neither of you has ever tried one before. It could be a fun, lighthearted way to enjoy time together and learn something new side-by-side.^{[5]
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If classes aren’t really your thing, you could simply try a new cuisine at a new restaurant, or watch a movie neither of you has seen. Read a book together and discuss it every few chapters. Go to a concert for an artist neither of you has heard of before.
3
Make time each day to be together. It’s easy to get busy and feel too caught up in your own day-to-day activities to spend time with your partner. Make time each day, or at least every few days, to spend focusing on one another. This could be the time when you have important conversations, go on a date, or simply spend quiet time alone together.^{[6]
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- During this special time together, consider putting aside things like smartphones, tablets, and other electronics. Focus entirely on your partner rather than the distractions that come with the digital world.^{[7]
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4
Do simple daily activities together. Having coffee in the morning, cooking a meal together, waking up with each other, or working on assignments for work or school with each other are all ways to be closer to each other while still going about your everyday lives.

As students, full-time employees, and/or parents, those seemingly mundane activities are easily made into quality time when done with your partner.

Making your partner a part of your everyday life will probably help you grow your bond and feel closer to one another, all without making significant changes to how you already do things.
5
Find some interesting activities that you can share. Doing interesting activities together can help to bring you and your significant other closer together by giving you a shared experience. This will also give you more to talk about. Try doing something together that you both enjoy, such as:
- Taking a tour at an art museum.
- Reading the same book.
- Watching a documentary together.
- Taking a class together.
6
Surprise your partner sometimes. You don’t have to do anything especially elaborate to surprise your partner—just a simple gesture to boost their mood and show them they matter to you.

For example, you might meet them at their work for lunch out of the blue, with flowers or a picnic. You could even draw them a bath to have ready when they get home, leave them a sweet note in their purse or wallet, or bring them breakfast in bed.^{[8]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Enhancing Physical Intimacy

1
Be affectionate. Holding hands, putting your arm around your partner while walking, or even just sitting beside one another are all ways to show affection without being overly physical. Affection doesn’t necessarily have to be sexual in nature. Simple displays of affection and making sure to touch one another often are great ways to bring you closer.^{[9]
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- Try watching a movie together while cuddling on the couch. Even simply cuddling and being physically close to each other can make you feel closer on an emotional level.
2
Make time for intimacy. If you’re parents, or work often, you might find that your time and energy for intimacy are often limited. It’s not a bad thing to set aside time to be physically intimate with one another. However, it’s still important to be spontaneous and passionate now and then just to keep things interesting!
- If you don’t want to “schedule” your intimacy, just focus on making it a priority that you both can keep.
3
Respect your partner. While physical intimacy is important, it’s important to talk things out with your partner and respect their needs and desires. For example, before you push more frequent physical intimacy on them, have a discussion about it.

Ask them if they think you both could benefit from being physically closer. Ask them how they think you should go about being more affectionate with one another, and what they’d be comfortable with.

Not only will you be respecting them and their boundaries, you’ll also be having meaningful discussions about your relationship.^{[10]
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It’s important to respect your partner’s feelings, as well. If they happen to be dealing with something in their lives and are having a hard time, for example, it might not be the best time to bring up physical intimacy. Reassure them that you are there for them, regardless of your physical relationship.
4
Seek the help of a sex therapist. If you are having trouble with physical intimacy that you can’t seem to get past on your own, it might be a good idea to talk to a therapist who specializes in helping couples overcome these kinds of struggles.

Problems with sexual intimacy often stem from emotional issues you’re facing in your relationship—such as feeling too distant from one another. A sex therapist would be able to help you address these issues and work them out.^{[11]
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5
Give it time. Things won’t heal or strengthen themselves overnight. Even if you start working on your relationship and taking the steps towards growing closer, it will still take time and effort to really see the result you want. Taking it slow in relationships, no matter how long you’ve been together, can help strengthen them in the long run.^{[12]
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Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.}
- Don’t push or force the issue, especially when it comes to physical intimacy. Be patient and be prepared to put in the time and effort until both of you are comfortable.

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I get my husband to stop looking at other women?

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Relationship Coach
Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. Kelli also facilitates groups for those struggling with alcohol and drug addiction as well as anger management groups. She is the author of “Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband” and the award-winning and best-selling book “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and is a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW

Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

It's natural for humans to look at other humans. However, if it's overt, I would talk to your husband and communicate that it makes you uncomfortable.
Question

How long before a relationship becomes serious?

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Relationship Coach
Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. Kelli also facilitates groups for those struggling with alcohol and drug addiction as well as anger management groups. She is the author of “Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband” and the award-winning and best-selling book “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and is a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW

Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

Don't worry about a timeline. Give your relationship as much time as it needs to grow. You'll actually be closer to your partner this way, so take your time.