How to Get Along with Your Sister

Co-authored by Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD

Last Updated: March 12, 2023 References

If you and your sister may fight a lot, this problem can be resolved. Getting along with your sister(s) is an important part of developing a strong, lifetime relationship. Strive for positive interactions with your sister. Work on being polite and kind to her. Treat her more like a friend. Appreciate her good qualities. Try to consider what makes your sister likable and interesting. In the event of a conflict, talk things out instead of fighting or arguing. With a little hard work, you can foster a great relationship with your sister. If your sister is mad at you give her some time. Say "I'm sorry".Try to calm them down. Buy them a sorry present. Bring them to the mall. Or, if you're mad at them, try to tell them how you feel about them. And make sure you are calm while talking to them.Try to interact with them. If that does not work, ask someone you really trust for advice.Try to get along with your sister at any cost. They're part of your family. And deep down they love you as much as you love them.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Interacting Positively With Your Sister

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Support your sister's achievements. If you want a good relationship with your sister, make her feel supported. Instead of becoming jealous over your sister's achievements, be her personal cheerleader. This will make your sister feel valued and strengthen your bond.
- If your sister achieves something, offer her a sincere congratulations. For example, say something like, "Good job! I'm so proud!" if she gets straight A's one semester. If you're supportive of your sister, she's more likely to be supportive of you in return.
- Remember, it's normal to be jealous at times. Sometimes, you may wish you were the one achieving something. However, just because you feel a negative emotion does not mean you have to act on it. Try to put your own negativity aside and try to genuinely congratulate your sister.
2
Set boundaries respectfully.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert
Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.} Boundaries are important for any healthy relationship. Without solid boundaries, positive relationships are difficult. You are entitled to your own physical and emotional space. When your sister invades your space, let her know politely instead of responding with anger.^{[2]
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- If your sister is upsetting you, you have the right to ask her to stop. Siblings sometimes take a while to understand one another's boundaries, and your sister may occasionally inadvertently make you uncomfortable. In these situations, respond accordingly.
- Ask your sister to stop the behavior, but do so in a mature fashion. Do not say, "Get out of my room! I don't want you here!" Instead, say something like, "I need some space to myself sometimes, and I don't like it when you're in my room when I'm trying to read". If your sister continues to disturb you and tends to treat you disrespectfully, you can discuss this sincerely with your parents. Alternatively, you can stop communicating with your sister by staying away from her for a while until she learns to treat you respectfully again.
- Sometimes, your sibling may not understand you are trying to establish boundaries. Do not hesitate to ask a parent for help if your sibling is not respecting your boundaries.
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3
Do chores together. A great way to improve your relationship is by working together. Try to help your sister with some of her chores, and ask her for help in return. If the two of you work together on, say, the dishes, this will encourage teamwork and a sense of togetherness.
- Teaming up and making chores fun can help strengthen your relationship. If washing dishes seems tedious, the two of you can try making up songs to pass the time.^{[3]
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  Expert Source
  
  Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert
  Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.}
4
Treat your sister more like a friend. Many people have a tendency to take siblings for granted. You may fail to see your sister as an individual if you're used to viewing her as just another family member. Try to treat your sister as a friend. Many siblings eventually become good friends.^{[4]
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- Think about how you treat your friends from school. Chances are, you do not do things like tease and torment them, which you may to do your sister. Try to offer your sister this same kindness.
- Hang out with your sister sometimes. Just because she's family does not mean the two of you can't hang out like friends. Go shopping. Invite her on a bike ride. Play a board game together. This would enable a positive relationship between you and your sister.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Changing Your Attitude Towards Your Sister

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Do not be jealous of your sister's talents. Jealousy is very common in sibling relationships and can be a major cause of tension. If your sister is, for example, a bookworm, she may get a lot of attention from relatives. Instead of being jealous of this, admire your sister's talents.
- Remind yourself of your own talents and skills. Your sister may have read all the works of Jane Austen, but maybe you're an excellent basketball player. Your sister may be great at figure skating, but you excel at horseback riding.
- Remember, everyone is unique. There is no sense comparing yourself to your sister, as the two of you are different people. It's okay that you have different skills.
2
Appreciate your sister's good qualities. If you're sometimes angry with your sister, keeping her good qualities in mind can help. Instead of focusing on things she does that irritate you, think about the reasons you value her.^{[5]
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- Throughout the day, pause and express appreciation for your sister. When she does something you like, make a point of saying so.
- For example, "Chloe, I really appreciate that you helped me with my math homework tonight."
- If you're able to appreciate your sister regularly, you will be less frustrated with her when conflicts arise. You will remember why your sister's good qualities outweigh her bad ones.
3
Keep your mind on the future. It can be difficult to get along with a sibling when you're still at home, especially if the two of you share space and personal items. You may find yourself frequently frustrated. In these moments, think about the future. Remind yourself that you won't always get to see your sister every day. This can help you appreciate her more.
- Many siblings turn out to be good friends as adults. Even if the situation is tense now, you may one day think of your sister as your best friend.
- Keep this in mind when you feel frustrated. Remember, a single moment does not define an entire relationship. Having perspective will help you let certain frustrations go.
4
Avoid labeling your sister. If you're living with someone, sometimes it's hard to see them as an individual. You may think of your sister in terms of a family role. For example, you may think, "My sister is the smart one" or "My sister is the goody-two-shoes." Try to look beyond these definitions. Push to see your sister as more of an individual.^{[6]
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- Pause when you find yourself labeling your sister. Take a second to question the validity of this label. Does your sister see herself this way? Is there anything about your sister that does not fit with this label?
- Focus on aspects of your sister's personality that don't fit with the label you have. Maybe you think of your sister as a jock more than an intellectual. Pause and consider the fact she just aced her chemistry final.
5
Find some time to spend with your sister. Spending time with your sister is vital to learning to appreciate her. The two of you will bond if you share activities. Work on spending some time with your sister each week.
- Attend your sister's basketball game after school. Accompany her to her next piano lesson. Ask her to join you in turn. You could, for example, invite her to your upcoming art show.
- Hang out during the day as well. Watch a movie with your sister after school. Play a game together. Talk about things like movies, books, and music.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Managing Conflict With Your Sister

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Think before reacting. The worst thing you can do in a conflict is reacting right away. If your sister hurt your feelings, pause before reacting. Take a few deep breaths and try doing something like counting to five.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert
Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.} This will prevent you from blowing up at your sister, potentially making the situation worse.
2
Express yourself with words. Use your words to handle conflict. Do not scream and yell, as you are not really communicating. Never resort to physical violence, as this will only make things worse. You also do not want to accidentally hurt your sister during an argument.^{[8]
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- Let your sister know that she has hurt or upset you. Use simple language to explain the unacceptable behavior instead of getting angry in return.
- For example, say something like, "Ella, do not pinch me. Pinching hurts." This is more effective than yelling or pinching back.
3
Avoid topics that lead to conflict. Certain topics may simply cause arguments. Maybe your sister dislikes discussing something at school. Maybe there's an issue you simply disagree on. If certain topics tend to only lead to conflict, you may be better off avoiding them. No one sees eye-to-eye on everything all the time.^{[9]
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4
Talk things out with a parent. If you're having trouble managing an issue with your sibling, talk to a parent. Your parents want you and your sister to get along. They will be happy to mediate if the two of you are having an issue.
- Do not bring it up in a negative way. You do not want your parents to think you're being argumentative or mean. Present yourself as wanting to resolve the issue rather than get your parents on your side.
- For example, say something like, "Dad, I'm having trouble with Sophie lately. Can you give me some advice on how to talk to her about how she read my diary?"

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you get your sister to respect you?

Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949)
Dr. Supatra Tovar is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, Fitness Expert, and the Owner of Dr. Supatra Tovar and Associates. Dr. Tovar has worked in the fields of health education, clinical dietetics, and psychology. With over 25 years of holistic wellness experience, she practices Holistic Health Psychotherapy. She combines her psychology, diet, and fitness knowledge to help those struggling with depression, weight gain, eating disorders, life transitions, and relationships. Dr. Tovar holds a BA in Environmental Biology from The University of Colorado Boulder, an MS in Nutrition Science from California State University, Los Angeles, and a PsyD in Clinical Health Psychology from Alliant International University, Los Angeles.

Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949)

Expert Answer

Stop name calling and practice kindness instead. You can really get in a tit-for-tat name calling extravaganza if this kind of behavior goes unchecked.
Question

How do I get closer to my sister?

Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949)
Dr. Supatra Tovar is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, Fitness Expert, and the Owner of Dr. Supatra Tovar and Associates. Dr. Tovar has worked in the fields of health education, clinical dietetics, and psychology. With over 25 years of holistic wellness experience, she practices Holistic Health Psychotherapy. She combines her psychology, diet, and fitness knowledge to help those struggling with depression, weight gain, eating disorders, life transitions, and relationships. Dr. Tovar holds a BA in Environmental Biology from The University of Colorado Boulder, an MS in Nutrition Science from California State University, Los Angeles, and a PsyD in Clinical Health Psychology from Alliant International University, Los Angeles.

Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949)

Expert Answer

Be relatable and approachable! Dismissing her will only drive a wedge between the two of you. Also, make an effort to really listen to her and be interested in her life.
Question

How do you get your sister to stop making fun of you?

Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949)
Dr. Supatra Tovar is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, Fitness Expert, and the Owner of Dr. Supatra Tovar and Associates. Dr. Tovar has worked in the fields of health education, clinical dietetics, and psychology. With over 25 years of holistic wellness experience, she practices Holistic Health Psychotherapy. She combines her psychology, diet, and fitness knowledge to help those struggling with depression, weight gain, eating disorders, life transitions, and relationships. Dr. Tovar holds a BA in Environmental Biology from The University of Colorado Boulder, an MS in Nutrition Science from California State University, Los Angeles, and a PsyD in Clinical Health Psychology from Alliant International University, Los Angeles.

Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949)

Expert Answer

Take a moment to breathe and count to ten. Try not take the name-calling personally—she's actually acting out because she has some unmet need. With this in mind, tell your sister that you would appreciate being spoken to respectfully, and that you'll give her the same courtesy.