How to Get Along with Your Boyfriend's Sister

Co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: November 3, 2021 References

It can be difficult to get along with a loved one's sister, especially if there is a lot of pressure on you to be her friend. Fortunately, most families have some level of curiosity and openness when their sibling brings home a new partner. Try to ask your boyfriend’s sister about her hobbies, bond over your shared interests, and reach out to her if there is tension to get along with your boyfriend’s sister and make your life easier.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Making a Good Impression

1
Find out what your boyfriend's sister is like. Prepare yourself for hanging out with his sister by asking him a little bit about her.^{[1]
X
Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Expert Interview. 27 October 2021.} What is she studying in school? Is she dating anyone? Get enough information to have a general sense of who she is, but don’t ask your boyfriend to relay her life story. Leave some information for you to find out on your own.^{[2]
X
Research source}
- Ask things like, “Does your sister still live with your parents?”
- ”What does she usually do with her friends?”
- If she is young, ask what cartoon or movie characters she likes.
- If she is older, stick with questions about her work or school.
2
Ask your boyfriend to introduce the two of you and stay nearby. Trying to get along with your boyfriend’s sister can put a lot of pressure on you. Let your boyfriend know if you are having some nervousness around the issue so that he can put your mind at ease. Ask him to step in if the conversation gets awkward and to not leave you alone with her for too long the first time you meet her.^{[3]
X
Research source}

Tip: Your boyfriend can also let you know if she has any particular quirks or dislikes that you should be aware of.

Advertisement
3
Stay away from topics like politics and religion. Topics that are controversial can divide people no matter who they are. Try to not talk about politics or religion with your boyfriend’s sister, especially if you know you have differing opinions. If your boyfriend’s sister brings them up, state your opinion in a calm and concise manner.^{[4]
X
Research source}
- Avoiding politics and religion is a good rule of thumb for talking to your boyfriend’s family in general. It will help you avoid unnecessary tension.
4
Refrain from showing too many public displays of affection. No one likes to watch a couple make out in public, least of all your boyfriend’s sister. Hold your boyfriend’s hand and touch his knee, but don’t kiss him with tongue or sit on his lap. Make your boyfriend’s sister feel comfortable by not alienating her when you meet up.^{[5]
X
Research source}
- Trying to kiss your boyfriend in front of his sister could also make him feel uncomfortable.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Spending Time with His Sister

1
Find subjects that you have in common. It’s hard to talk to anyone when you don’t know much about them. Ask your boyfriend’s sister if she likes any of the things that you like.^{[6]
X
Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Expert Interview. 27 October 2021.} You can mention books, movies, musicians, and board games that you are into. If you can’t find any common ground at all, ask her what she likes and see if you can relate.^{[7]
X
Research source}
- Ask questions like, “What do you like to do on the weekend?”
- "Are you watching any TV shows right now?”
- ”What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?”
2
Bond over your boyfriend’s annoying tendencies. Your boyfriend’s sister knows better than anyone how annoying he can sometimes be. Bring these tendencies up in a funny way during conversation. Don’t make your boyfriend feel bad, but try to make a few jokes about his habits that his sister might relate to.^{[8]
X
Research source}
- Say something like, “How’d you deal with his loud chewing growing up?”
- ”Did he snore when he was little?”
3
Ask his sister to join you on an outing.^{[9]
X
Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Expert Interview. 27 October 2021.} If you want to become friends, invite his sister to hang out with you and your boyfriend when you go out somewhere. Make sure it is something she’d like to do, like going to a movie or playing mini-golf.^{[10]
X
Research source}
- If his sister is young, make sure that your outing is fun for children so that she has a good time.
4
Seek his sister’s advice if she is older than you. Talking to someone who has more life experience than you can be a great time to ask about things that are troubling you. Asking for someone’s advice is also a good way to let them know that you trust and value their opinion. Ask her opinion on dating, marriage, clothing, or something that she is an expert in.^{[11]
X
Research source}
- Say something like, “I really value your opinion. Do you have any advice on college applications or placement tests?”
- ”Do you think getting married at a young age is a bad idea?”
- Try to only do this a few times during a conversation so your boyfriend doesn’t feel bad.
5
Avoid making up any of your interests or hobbies. It's almost impossible for anyone to give you a fair shake if you are being fake, and trying to pretend to like the things the sister likes won’t help you much in the long run. While it's difficult to act naturally at first, affecting a completely different personality from the beginning is immature and misleading. Be interested about her hobbies and interests without faking your own.^{[12]
X
Research source}

Tip: If you want to seem interested in her hobbies, ask for more information about them or what in particular she likes about them.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Coping with Tension

1
Clue your boyfriend in if you two aren’t getting along. If you like your boyfriend’s sister, that's great! However, if you sense that there is tension between you two, do your best to remove yourself from the situation and calmly discuss it with your boyfriend. Make sure that you do not make it sound as though you are blaming his sister. See if he has any explanation for her behavior or any suggestions for the future.^{[13]
X
Research source}
- Say something like, “It seems like your sister doesn’t like me very much. Did you notice that too?”
Tip: You may be overanalyzing her reactions since you are nervous. She could just be having a bad day.
2
Keep being friendly, even if it’s tough. If your boyfriend’s sister is dead-set on not liking you, she might not be open to changing her mind any time soon. Keep your interactions friendly and civil any time you see her. She could slowly start to accept or even like you over time.^{[14]
X
Research source}
- Make sure you have your boyfriend’s support in defending yourself. If his sister ever gets truly mean, you may need him to step in and help you.
3
Keep your interactions with her short if you two don’t get along. If the two of you have not hit it off, be friendly but brief whenever you see her. There's nothing wrong with being civil. Do your best to always keep your manners at the forefront. In time, the two of you may improve your relationship.^{[15]
X
Research source}
- Ask her how she’s doing whenever you see her and be open to starting a conversation. Don’t shut her out in case she wants to improve your relationship.
4
Reach out to your boyfriend’s sister if you want to start over. If your boyfriend’s sister is rude to you and you aren’t sure why, consider approaching her alone and asking why you two got off on the wrong foot. Maybe she is worried about her brother or she thinks you two won’t last. Whatever the case, getting things out into the open can only help your relationship.^{[16]
X
Research source}
- Try saying, “I feel like we got off on the wrong foot. Can we talk about that?”
- Emphasize that you want to improve your relationship for your boyfriend’s sake.

Community Q&A

Question

What if I have nothing in common with her at all?

wikiHow Staff Editor
Staff Answer
This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.

wikiHow Staff Editor

Staff Answer

If you truly can't find anything to talk about, try to ask her about memories she has with your boyfriend when he was little. You can also ask her to show you some of her hobbies so that you can become interested in them. Stay open and try new things to bond with your boyfriend's sister.
Question

What should I talk about with my boyfriend’s sister?

wikiHow Staff Editor
Staff Answer
This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.

wikiHow Staff Editor

Staff Answer

Ask her questions about herself so you can get an idea of what her interests are. You might find that you have something in common (besides her brother/your boyfriend)! For example, ask things like “What do you do for fun?” or “What are you studying in college?”
Question

How should I deal with my boyfriend’s jealous sister?

wikiHow Staff Editor
Staff Answer
This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.

wikiHow Staff Editor

Staff Answer

Do your best to be polite, but you may need to minimize your time around her if she acts hostile or unfriendly to you. If her behavior is creating problems in your relationship, have an honest talk with your boyfriend about it. Let him know how you feel in a calm, non-judgmental way, and ask him if he can set better boundaries with his sister.