This article was co-authored by Connell Barrett. Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach."
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Oftentimes, romantic relationships build from great friendships. Before feelings are revealed, it can be hard to wait around to find out if a girl loves you, or simply wants to be your good friend. It can be difficult to determine how she feels without a declaration of love, but by learning a few key signs, you may be able to tell when it's just friendship and when it's love.
Steps
Watching for Signals
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1Look for eye contact. If a girl looks down when she first sees you, or if she lowers her head while smiling, it’s a strong indicator that she’s attracted to you. It can be hard to look someone in the eye when you have strong feelings that are not yet exposed.[1]
- Triangulation describes a pattern of eye movement that is a strong indicator that a girl is into you. She will look at one eye, then the other, then your mouth, and then repeat the sequence.[2]
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2Watch for hair twirling. Playing with hair causes blood to flow and makes you feel connected with your body, so if you notice a girl twirling hair, it’s a positive sign.[3]Advertisement
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3Pay attention to body language. If a girl leans in close to you, makes an excuse to touch you, or lets each touch linger for a longer period of time, then she may see you as more than a friend.[4]
- If she touches your shoulder, brushes your hand, or hugs you for no real reason, it is a positive indication she likes you.
- If a girl wants to share a drink or food with you, chances are she is way into you.
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4Notice if she laughs at your jokes, even when they are not funny. If a girl has a large smile every time you two have a conversation, and laughs nonstop, then she thoroughly enjoys your company. This is an unconscious way of saying, “I really like you, and I love listening to you talk".[5]
- When in love, you see that person through rose-colored glasses, making everything that person says seem perfect and funny.
Considering How She Acts Around You
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1Pay attention to how she treats you in comparison with other guy friends. If she likes you, she'll probably act shyer or blush a lot when you are around. If she treats you the same as other guy friends, chances are she just wants to be friends.
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2Observe her behavior when you are in a group. If a girl likes you, she may give you tons of attention, even if she is around other people. This is because you are the one she prefers talking to and spending time with.[6]
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3See how well she knows your interests. If a girl has romantic feelings for you, she will remember specific details about what you say. For example, she will remember when you said you prefer chicken to steak, or keep track of all your favorite songs.[7]
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5Pay attention to how her friends treat you. If they show a sudden interest in you or ask you a lot of personal questions, chances are they are trying to get to know you better because their friend has strong feelings for you.
- If they try to tease you when the girl is around, it is probably because she likes you.
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6Listen for certain statements she makes around you. When a girl likes you, she will indirectly express it when you two hang out. Here are some things she may say:
- "I love spending time with you."
- "You're my favorite person."
- "You are so funny."
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7Take note of who initiates conversation. If a girl always starts a conversation with you, especially if she has no real reason to talk to you in the first place, she’s definitely interested!
- If she sends you text messages just to say hi, or that she's thinking about you, it's a good sign.
Being Direct with Questions
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1Be straightforward and ask how she feels. It is okay to ask someone about their feelings for you.[9] It may seem embarrassing at first, but if she cares about you, either as a friend or something more, she will get over it and appreciate that you feel comfortable enough to be open and honest. Here are some ways you can ask:
- "How do you feel about me?"
- "Do you see me as a friend, or do you see me becoming something more?"
EXPERT TIPConnell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach."Dating Coach
Connell Barrett
Dating CoachTell her how you feel. It's not always easy to be honest with someone about your feelings, but telling her how you feel towards her is the best way to get a straightforward answer. Even if you don't get the response that you want, at least you'll know how she feels, too.
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2Ask questions about love and romance. If you do not want to come straight out and ask how she feels about you, then ask questions about love that may help you figure things out. Here are some questions you can ask:
- "How do you feel about falling in love?"
- "Do you think people can fall in love after being good friends?"
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3Ask a mutual friend how she feels. Girls tell their friends almost everything. If you are too nervous to directly ask a girl if she has feelings for you, casually ask a friend she is close to. Be aware that once you start inquiring to friends, they will likely report what you said back to this girl. Here are casual questions you can ask:
- "Do you know if she like anyone?"
- "Does she ever talk about dating?"
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4Find out how she talks about you when you are not around. If a girl finds a reason to constantly bring up your name, speaks positively of you when you are not around, or smiles when your name is mentioned, she has strong feelings for you.
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5Initiate a date. Build up some courage and ask this girl to see a movie with you, or grab dinner. If she dresses up, or puts on more makeup than usual, then she is trying to impress you. A girl who loves you will want to stand out in your eyes by looking great and being fun.
Warnings
- Watch for signs that she doesn't want anything romantic, like turning down chances to hang out with you, or not responding to your text messages and phone calls.⧼thumbs_response⧽
References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/202109/signs-someone-is-nervous-around-you-because-they-you
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4273641/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201706/11-key-flirting-techniques-women
- ↑ http://www.sirc.org/publik/flirt.pdf
- ↑ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/304626314_Sex_and_the_Perceived_Effectiveness_of_Flirtation_Techniques
- ↑ https://www.npr.org/2021/07/11/1014019821/flirting-how-to-dating-romance-advice
- ↑ https://www.npr.org/2021/07/11/1014019821/flirting-how-to-dating-romance-advice
- ↑ https://digitalcommons.bucknell.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=2983&context=fac_journ
- ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/assertive.html
About This Article
It can sometimes be hard to tell if a girl sees you as a good friend or something more. If she has feelings for you, you might notice her making lots of eye contact or giving you shy glances before looking away again. She might also fiddle with her hair, clothes, or jewelry a lot. Pay attention to whether she leans in close to you, brushes up against you, or gives you light touches while you’re talking. You might also notice that she is quick to laugh at your jokes, even when they aren’t that great. Pay attention to what she says to you, too. If she seems to know a lot about your interests, or if she compliments you often, those are good signs that she has feelings for you. You might also notice that she calls you or texts you often just to say hello. The only way to know for sure is to ask her directly. Take her aside somewhere private when you’re both feeling relaxed and say something like, “How do you feel about me?” or “Can you see us becoming more than just friends?” Keep scrolling to learn how to ask leading questions to get a better sense of her feelings!
