How to Deal With a Friend Who Constantly Talks About Her Boyfriend

Co-authored by Leslie Bosch, PhD and Madeleine Criglow

Last Updated: October 6, 2022 References

You're super happy that your friend has found a boyfriend, except for one thing: he's all she talks about. Constantly listening to someone gush about how much they love their boyfriend or vent about their last argument can start to wear on anyone's nerves, even if they're your friend. Don’t worry—we’ll walk you through exactly what to do and say the next time your friend starts talking about her boyfriend so you can change the subject without hurting her feelings.

1

Change the subject.

Try to get her attention away from her boyfriend. Bring up a subject related to a common interest of yours, like TV shows, music, or classes. This will steer the conversation in a new direction, and hopefully, your friend will get the hint that you've had enough boyfriend talk for the day. You might try:^{[1]
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- "I just finished the first season of that show you recommended!"
- "What music have you been listening to lately?"
- "Are you liking your classes this term?"

2

Talk about what's going on in your life.

Your friend should be happy to hear what's up with you, too. Fill her in on what you've been up to since she started dating this guy. Be open about the plans you've made with other friends, the dates you've been going on yourself, and how you've been keeping up with your hobbies and interests. This will hopefully remind your friend that her boyfriend is not the center of everyone's universe.^{[2]
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- "My weekend was really great, too! I went to a concert with Elijah."
- "Nice! Well, I watched the coolest movie last night."
- "I was up all night working on my photography portfolio. I want to show my work at some galleries this year."

3

Plan an activity or an outing together.

A fun outing will help distract her from her BF for a while. An activity-based hangout or a trip out of town might be just what your friendship needs right now. It'll encourage you both to live in the moment and a change of scenery might get your friend into a different headspace (one that's not so focused on her boyfriend).^{[3]
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- Plan a board game night or an at-home spa day for the two of you. You might also try bringing over some fresh ingredients and cooking dinner together.
- If the weather's nice, try going on a scenic hike or visiting a local beach. Or, check out a concert, movie, or play if the weather is bad.
- Activities like this will also encourage your friend to stay off her phone if she's always texting her BF, too.

4

Be direct and tell her how she is making you feel.

Your friend might not be aware of what she's doing. Sit down with her one-on-one, use I-statements that emphasize your feelings, and mention that you're still very happy for her. You might also try bringing up the subject before you're absolutely fuming at your friend (that way, you won't lash out). If you express your perspective in a kind, respectful way, your friend will have a greater chance of hearing you without getting defensive.^{[4]
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- "I'm really happy that you've found such a great boyfriend, but I feel like we've been talking about him a lot lately. I miss when we used to talk about other stuff, too."
- "I think it's so great that you're dating a good guy, but sometimes it feels like he's all we talk about. Do you think we can take a break from talking about him for a little bit?"

5

Excuse yourself from the conversation politely.

It's okay to take a break if you've had enough for the day. Next time your friend won't stop analyzing her boyfriend's texts, kindly excuse yourself. Let her know that you've got other plans or simply say that you have to go and wish her well. You're not rude for wanting to talk about other subjects. If your friend isn't respecting that, you're allowed to take a breather and do something else.^{[5]
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- "I've had a great time hanging out, but I've got to get home. Have a great rest of your day!"
- "I have to head out for the night. I'm sorry I can't stay longer!"

6

Listen to her for a set amount of time.

Let her gush for 10-20 minutes. Your friend's boyfriend might not be the most interesting subject, but he's a big part of your friend's life right now. It'll mean a lot to her if you listen to what she has to say (within reason). After 10-20 minutes, you've done your part as a supportive friend and can talk about new things.^{[6]
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- Show your friend you're listening by making eye contact, staying off your phone, and nodding along as she speaks.
- Take an interest in her life and ask questions (even if you're not super interested). You might say, "I'm glad the two of you had a good weekend! Where did you go to dinner?"

7

Respond to her texts and calls at your own pace.

Set boundaries to get some space and feel better about the situation. If your friend is constantly texting or calling you about her boyfriend, you don't have to respond immediately. Take a few hours away from your phone and focus on other things. Getting some time to yourself will help you respond in a more caring and supportive way, and it'll encourage your friend to find other ways to process thoughts about her boyfriend.^{[7]
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- Take some time to hang out with your family, read a few chapters of a book, or go for a walk.
- If your friend keeps calling, send a quick text to let her know that you're busy. Try, "I'm sorry I missed your call. Hanging out with family right now! 😊"

8

Be patient and give her some time.

Your friend will probably stop talking about her boyfriend soon. It's common for couples to go through a honeymoon phase when they first start dating. During this time, they might become a little obsessed with each other. Give your friend 1-2 months to talk about her BF and get through this phase. Try to empathize with her perspective and remember that she probably doesn't mean to upset or annoy you.^{[8]
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- If it's been over 2 months and your friend is still talking about her boyfriend nonstop, it's totally okay to bring it up and ask that you talk about other things, too.

9

Try your best to like her boyfriend.

Alleviate tension in your friendship by being supportive. Even if he's really not your type of guy, do your best to see the good in him and make an effort to get to know him. Avoid badmouthing him or talking negatively about the relationship (even when your friend is upset with him), as this might cause a rift in your friendship.^{[9]
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- You might be super different, but both enjoy going to baseball games or watching old movies. Focus on what the two of you do have in common and bring that up whenever you see him.
- Ask your friend if she wants to bring her boyfriend along sometimes as a peace offering. It'll mean a lot to her if you make an effort to get to know him, and you might even enjoy it.

10

Be open to changes in your friendship.

You can still be close if the dynamic is a little different. Now that your friend has a boyfriend, she might not be able to hang out as often. That doesn't mean the two of you can't be as close as before! Schedule intentional one-on-one time with your friend to make sure you still see each other. If you ever miss the old days, remind yourself that it's natural for friendships to change over time.^{[10]
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- If your friend is super busy with dates and plans with her boyfriend, ask her to hang out a few days in advance. This will boost your chances of seeing each other regularly and making time for your friendship.
- Try your best to be happy for your friend, even when it's tough. You might think to yourself, "Sometimes I miss how it used to be, but my friend deserves a caring, supportive partner. I'm glad she's found that!"

11

Spend time with other friends and give her some space.

Getting some space can help you avoid becoming resentful. If your friend isn't quite as invested in your friendship right now, that can really hurt. It might help to spend time with other friends for a little while. Seek out other people you've been interested in getting to know more or pursue your interests and hobbies to try to make new friends. If you fill up your schedule with fun activities and invest in yourself, you'll likely feel a lot better about the situation.^{[11]
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- Ask other people in your social circle to check out a movie or go thrifting.
- If you're looking to make some new friends, join a local club or meetup group related to your interests.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you set boundaries with someone who overshares?

Leslie Bosch, PhD
Developmental Psychologist
Dr. Leslie Bosch is a Developmental Psychologist, National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach, and Owner of Bosch Integrative Wellness. With over 15 years of experience, she specializes in providing stress relief coaching services to individuals and groups using a variety of scientifically proven methods for change including motivational interviewing, positive psychology, self-compassion, non-violent communication, social learning theory, and self-determination theory. Dr. Bosch received training from the Andrew Weil Center for Integrative Medicine at the University of Arizona and earned a PhD in Human Development and Family Studies from The University of Arizona. She is also a member of the National Board of Health and Wellness Coaching Association. Dr. Bosch has published many papers and been featured in the media numerous times.

Leslie Bosch, PhD

Developmental Psychologist

Expert Answer

Always talk from your perspective. If you use "you" statements, then it could be interpreted as an attack, which will only lead to more trouble and more problems. It's not going to help you get your point across.

Warnings

If your friend starts to become isolated from her friends, only hangs out with her boyfriend, or seems worried that her boyfriend is upset with her all of the time, she might be in an unhealthy or abusive relationship.

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Learn more about the warning signs of abuse and how you can help your friend by visiting https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/domestic-abuse-warning-signs/.

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