14 Ways to Let Go of a Friend You Love and Move On with Your Life

Co-authored by Tracey Rogers, MA and Hunter Rising

Last Updated: October 30, 2021 References

There are a lot of reasons why you may lose touch with a close friend, but we know it’s never easy to move on from someone you care about. It’s completely normal to feel sad letting go of someone you love, but there are a lot of things you can do to work through your feelings. We’ll start with ways to distract yourself and stay busy, and then cover how you can move on and build stronger friendships with others!

1

Distance yourself from them.

Cut off communication so you can focus on your own self-care. It can be really taxing on you if the person keeps trying to reach out to you. Set some boundaries between you and your friend so you’re able to get some space from the relationship. Start by ignoring their messages and replies so you don’t have to talk to them. If they’re persistent and won’t leave you alone, you may need to unfriend or block them.^{[1]
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- For example, distance yourself from a friend that treats you poorly since you deserve to be happy and supported around the people you care about.
- The person may be a little upset that you aren’t responding, but remember that it’s important for your own well-being.

2

Stay off social media.

It could sting a little if you see the person’s posts. You don’t want to see your friend post about the things they’re doing without you, so consider unfriending or blocking them. However, they might still show up on posts from your mutual friends so you may want to log off completely. Take as long of a social media break as you need so you have time to heal.^{[2]
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- Even seeing other people’s posts about their friends could make you think about the person you need to let go of.
- We know that it’s tempting to look at someone’s profile after they ghost you, but it could hurt more when you see their posts. Try chatting with your other friends or watching your favorite TV show to distract yourself.

3

Hide things that remind you of them.

Keep reminders out of sight so they don’t bring up old feelings. It’s okay if you don’t want to throw away all of the good memories you had with your friend, but seeing them every day won’t help you move on. Take everything that reminds you of your friend and put them in a box or drawer where you won’t think about them.^{[3]
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- For example, keepsakes from a friend that ghosted you will just make you think of and miss them more if you leave them out.
- This may mean avoiding places where you and your friend hung out together as well.
- Remember to look through your social media pages so you can hide or delete posts and pictures with your friends in them.

4

Spend time with your other friends.

Reconnect with the other positive relationships in your life. Rather than focusing your energy on a toxic person, make a list of all the people that you consider your close friend and reach out to make plans with them. Look for something nice you can do for them, such as writing them an encouraging message or making time to call them, so you can strengthen your bond. Do everything you can to nurture the friendships that you still have since they’ll be there to support you.^{[4]
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- Tell your friends that you had to end another friendship since they may have gone through something similar and can offer advice.

5

Journal about your feelings.

Reflecting on your emotions helps you process them easier. If you have a lot of pent-up feelings, put them down on paper. Write down all of the emotions and thoughts you have just so you can vent about them. Express why you feel hurt, angry, or confused to help you recognize your feelings and take steps to move on from them.^{[5]
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- For example, writing down how a toxic friend treated you in tough situations could help you realize they didn’t have your best interests in mind.
- If you want, you could even express yourself in a letter to your friend. If the letter feels too personal, just keep it to yourself. Otherwise, you can send it, but you may not get a response back.

6

Reflect on what you’re grateful for.

Look at what you’ve gained from the friendship instead of staying upset. It’s really easy to focus on the negative feelings after losing a friend, but looking at the positives helps you move on faster. Think about the times you shared with your friend that you appreciated and what you were able to learn from them. Try to find the bright side of the experiences you shared so you recognized how much you’ve grown as a person.^{[6]
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- For example, if you and your friend always tried something new every week, you might be grateful that you’ve become more adventurous because of them.

7

Use positive self-talk.

Empower yourself every day to boost your mood and confidence. When you speak negatively about yourself, it mentally puts up roadblocks that make it harder to move on. If you want to live a more positive life, start by saying 1 or 2 positive things about yourself every day. It might feel a little silly at first, but keep it up and it’ll become a quick and easy part of your routine.^{[7]
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- For example, you could say something like “I deserve the best,” or “I’ll find someone that I can bond with again.”
- If you’re not sure what to say, imagine what you would say if you were helping a friend going through the same situation.

8

Recognize the qualities you want in friends.

Evaluating what’s important to you helps you find like-minded people. You’re more likely to be friends with people who have similar values and direction in their life. Write down all of the good qualities you bring to a friendship and what you want from people in return. Keep your list in mind when you meet new people to see if they’d make a good friend.^{[8]
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Tracey Rogers, MA
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- For example, you may have let go of a friend that bad-mouthed people behind their back because you value openness and honesty.
- It’s normal for friends to move in different life directions and change their values as they get older.

9

Concentrate on a new goal.

Distract yourself with something you’ve always wanted to do. Rather than getting caught up in the negativity of the situation, look for something to refocus your energy on. Maybe you’ve wanted to clean your closet out, start a new book series, or learn an instrument but haven’t had the time in the past. Try to fill your time with at least 1 thing you want to achieve so you’re not thinking of your friend.^{[10]
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10

Meet some new people.

You’ll gain confidence the more you spend time with others. You don’t need to actively try to find your new best friend, but reaching out to someone new helps you open doors to new friendships. Attend a group meet-up or an event so you can socialize with other people. Just branching out and opening up can help you realize that other people want to spend time with you.^{[11]
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- You can also join virtual communities on social media to meet people who have the same interests as you.

11

Find closure.

Have a final conversation to understand the reason they left. Reach out to your friend and ask if they’ll talk to you one more time about your friendship. You can have the conversation face-to-face or over text if that makes it easier. Ask them for clarity about why they want to move on and what that means for both of you moving forward. Keep your conversation respectful so there aren’t any hurt feelings.^{[12]
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- For example, you could say something like, “Hey Adam, I know you don’t want to be friends right now, but I was hoping we could chat one more time so we can get some closure. Do you have a few minutes?”
- Don’t try to change the person’s mind or save the friendship since that might make the conversation messier.
- If your friendship ended badly, they may not want to speak to you. If you still feel the need to reach out or apologize, you can still send a message, but you might not get a response back.

12

Avoid taking it personally.

There are so many other reasons why you may have drifted apart. Even though you may think it’s your fault that the friendship ended, avoid being hard on yourself. Challenge the assumption by looking for the other tangible things that may have affected you and your friend. It could have been that you’re after different goals or something else in their life took priority.^{[13]
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- Remember that both people add their own difficulties to a relationship, so it’s never only your fault. For example, if you think you were being too critical of your friend, they may have not been speaking up or communicating with you enough.

13

Give yourself time to grieve.

It’s okay to feel sad or upset for a while after you lose a friend. Losing someone you love is really tough and you may have a lot of emotions, so don’t expect to get over it right away. Everyone needs a different amount of time to grieve, so take as long as you need.^{[14]
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- Don’t be hard on yourself even if you’re the one that decided to let your friend go. Know that you did it because it’s what was best for both of you.

14

Seek help if you’re struggling.

Reach out to a professional when you’re having a really tough time. Losing someone that you love can be extremely tough and you don’t have to go through it alone. Look for a licensed therapist near you and make an appointment. Discuss the relationship you had with your friend and how you’re feeling, and they’ll give you strategies to help you move on.^{[16]
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