How to Deal With Missing Someone

Co-authored by Allison Broennimann, PhD

Last Updated: July 28, 2022 References Approved

Addressing Feelings

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Distracting Yourself

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Maintaining Connection

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Video

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Expert Q&A

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Tips

No matter the circumstances, whether a friend has moved away, a relationship has ended, or a loved one has died, it’s tough to be away from someone you care about. The feeling of missing them may never completely go away, but you can take measures to ease the ache. Start by addressing how you’re feeling and meeting your emotional needs. Then, distract yourself with constructive activities. If you can, close the distance by finding ways to stay in touch with the person you miss.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Addressing Feelings

1
Grieve their absence. The first thing to do is embrace what you’re feeling and allow yourself to grieve. Bottling up the emotion is unfair to you and the other person: let it out. Grieving is different for everyone, so do it in a way that feels right for you.^{[1]
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- Give yourself an allotted amount of time (say, a few days) to pore over letters or pictures, listen to sad music, or cry your eyes out while cuddling a stuffed animal. Once your mourning window has passed, commit to getting back into the swing of your everyday life.
- Remember, the pain of missing that person is a reflection of how important that relationship was to you. Give yourself permission to feel that pain.^{[2]
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  Expert Source
  
  Allison Broennimann, PhD
  Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 14 December 2020.}
- Remember that grief isn't just psychological; it's also physical. It's okay if you're not eating and sleeping, or being as productive or social as you normally would.^{[3]
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  Expert Source
  
  Allison Broennimann, PhD
  Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 14 December 2020.}
2
Confide in someone. Talking about your feelings can be a great way of letting them out and getting needed support. Reach out to close family and friends and explain what’s happening.^{[4]
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- You might say, “I feel so sad now that Randy has moved away. I really could use someone to talk to.”
- If you have an idea how this person can improve your mood, make a request. For instance, you might say, “Can we watch silly rom-coms tomorrow night in honor of Jessica?”
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3
Write about how you feel. Get the emotions out by putting them down on paper. If you have a diary or journal, create an entry about what happened and how you’re feeling as a result. If you don’t typically write in a journal, simply grab some fresh notebook paper or type it in your phone’s memo pad.^{[5]
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- You might also write about how you feel and address it to the person you miss. You can send it to them if they are accessible or store it to re-read when the feelings come over you again.
4
Remember the good times. When someone is away, you may dwell on the circumstances surrounding their departure, such as the day they moved away or the day they died. Instead of focusing on the sad parts, think about the happy ones.^{[6]
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- Reflect on the great times you had with this person. You might share these memories in your journal or tell someone else close to you.
- Find a ritual that you can do to honor the person you're missing every time a wave of grief hits you.^{[7]
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  Expert Source
  
  Allison Broennimann, PhD
  Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 14 December 2020.}
5
Talk to a counselor if you need professional support. Missing someone can bring on a great deal of uncomfortable emotions, including sadness or regret. If you’re having trouble coming to terms with the person’s absence or feeling unable to participate in life as usual, consider seeing a counselor.^{[8]
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- Everyone deals with emotions differently and it may take a few weeks to a few years for you to work through your emotions. However, if your daily life is impacted, it’s important to seek professional help.^{[9]
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- A counselor will listen as you talk through your feelings. Plus, they can offer helpful strategies for dealing with your unique situation, such as performing a ritual for someone who died.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Distracting Yourself

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Create structure in your daily life. Though you may be tempted to hole up in your room or ignore your responsibilities, getting on with your normal routine can help you get through emotional turmoil. A structure will provide tasks that you need to accomplish, regardless of how you are feeling. It will help keep you active and occupied in addition to helping your days feel “normal” again.
2
Socialize. You can’t replace the person, but others can help you heal and move forward. Make an effort to develop new relationships and deepen existing ones. Strive to build relationships with people who are positive and encouraging.^{[10]
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- Join a new club or organization or participate in a Meetup in your area to meet new people.
- Forge deeper bonds with existing friends by asking them to hang out more often or starting a new tradition with them, like Sunday brunch or Friday movie night.
3
Study or learn something new. Occupy your time by boosting your knowledge base. If you’re a student, throw yourself into an academic subject. If not, try picking a subject you’ve always been curious about and read books or watch videos about it. You might also sign up for a class to learn a new skill.^{[11]
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- Try improving your math or English comprehension, if you’re in school. Or, try taking up a foreign language, learning the fine art of French cooking, or taking guitar lessons.
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Find a hobby. Is there something that you really like to do, something that always seems to lift your spirits? If so, carve out more time from your schedule for this activity. Hobbies are a great way to broaden your skills and use your time constructively. Plus, doing this activity will likely make you feel better (at least for a little while).^{[12]
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- Plan to hike a new trail if you enjoy the outdoors. You might also try photography, knitting, painting, collecting, baking, gardening, or gaming.
5
Get physically active. Exercise is a great form of distraction. Staying active also produces feel-good chemicals in the body known as endorphins, so working out may lift your mood, too.
- Go for a run, bike ride, or a swim. Or, join a friend at a group fitness class like Zumba or Pilates.
- Try to get at least 30 minutes of physical activity on most days of the week.
6
Steer clear of destructive distractions. Using alcohol or drugs can be a way to distract yourself from missing someone, but such activities are destructive and dangerous. Try to avoid using substances as a distraction.^{[13]
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- Instead, turn to others for support or find a constructive project to throw yourself into.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Maintaining Connection

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Contact them regularly. If you can still reach out to the person, try to stay in touch with technology. You can text, call them on the phone, or chat with them through video.^{[14]
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- Agree on a regular time to connect, such as every Thursday at 6pm. Use this time to catch up on what's happening in one another's lives.
2
Follow them on social media. Follow or friend the person on social media to feel more connected to them. Even if they are far away, you can still read their status, see pictures, and message them via social media.^{[15]
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- Social media also lets people stay in touch across great distances. As long as they update their feed often, you'll be in the loop.
3
Do something together from afar. Friends, family, lovers--whatever your connection to this person, you can still have long distance quality time with them. Try playing games together online, doing crafts from Pinterest together, or watching the same movie or TV show.^{[16]
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- All you need is connection to the Internet and you can do simultaneous activities during a Skype or Hangouts video call.
- You could also “meet up” in a virtual reality room no matter how far away the person is. For example, a game like Rec Room (for Playstation 4) allows you to meet up and participate in virtual reality activities with someone.
4
Plan a visit. Nothing is quite like being with your friend or partner in person. If you have the resources, plan a time to go and visit the person. Then, you can hug them and see up-close how much they may have changed since you've been apart.^{[17]
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Do something in their honor. If your loved one has passed away, you can maintain a connection with them by starting or supporting a charity event or scholarship in their name. You might run in a fundraiser half-marathon, for instance, and dedicate your performance to their memory.^{[18]
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- You might raise money for a English scholarship if your friend loved literature. Or, if they died in a car accident, you might advocate to have the street changed to their name or have better road signs placed in their honor.

Expert Q&A
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Question

Why do we miss people?

Allison Broennimann, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Allison Broennimann is a licensed Clinical Psychologist with a private practice based in the San Francisco Bay Area providing psychotherapy and neuropsychology services. With over a decade of experience, Dr. Broennimann specializes in in-depth psychotherapy to provide solution-focused treatments for anxiety, depression, relationship problems, grief, adjustment problems, traumatic stress, and phase-of-life transitions. And as part of her neuropsychology practice, she integrates depth psychotherapy and cognitive rehabilitation for those recovering after traumatic brain injury. Dr. Broennimann holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz, and an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Palo Alto University. She is licensed by the California Board of Psychology and is a member of the American Psychological Association.

Allison Broennimann, PhD

Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

We become deeply connected with each other. The ache and pain of missing someone is a reflection of how important that relationship or connection was to you.
Question

Why is the death of a loved one so painful?

Allison Broennimann, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Allison Broennimann is a licensed Clinical Psychologist with a private practice based in the San Francisco Bay Area providing psychotherapy and neuropsychology services. With over a decade of experience, Dr. Broennimann specializes in in-depth psychotherapy to provide solution-focused treatments for anxiety, depression, relationship problems, grief, adjustment problems, traumatic stress, and phase-of-life transitions. And as part of her neuropsychology practice, she integrates depth psychotherapy and cognitive rehabilitation for those recovering after traumatic brain injury. Dr. Broennimann holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz, and an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Palo Alto University. She is licensed by the California Board of Psychology and is a member of the American Psychological Association.

Allison Broennimann, PhD

Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

When we got through something like a breakup or a death, initially, the loss is shocking and disorienting—we may feel like our whole identity changes without that person.
Question

What do you do when you miss someone you love?

Allison Broennimann, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Allison Broennimann is a licensed Clinical Psychologist with a private practice based in the San Francisco Bay Area providing psychotherapy and neuropsychology services. With over a decade of experience, Dr. Broennimann specializes in in-depth psychotherapy to provide solution-focused treatments for anxiety, depression, relationship problems, grief, adjustment problems, traumatic stress, and phase-of-life transitions. And as part of her neuropsychology practice, she integrates depth psychotherapy and cognitive rehabilitation for those recovering after traumatic brain injury. Dr. Broennimann holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz, and an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Palo Alto University. She is licensed by the California Board of Psychology and is a member of the American Psychological Association.

Allison Broennimann, PhD

Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Give yourself permission to grieve. Also, remember that grief is not just a psychological phenomenon, it's also physical, so don't bother forcing yourself to eat, sleep, be productive, or keep all of your usual social engagements. When it hurts, turn to rituals of some sort to honor the individual, and reach out to someone you can talk it through with.