How to Avoid Friends Without Hurting Them

Co-authored by Jessica George, MA, CHt

Last Updated: April 9, 2022 References

Sometimes, you just need a break—even from your friends! It’s totally normal and okay to want some time and space away from someone. The trick is to do it in a way that won’t hurt their feelings. Fortunately, there are actually plenty of ways you can do it. You can slowly drift away over time and wait for them to get the message, or simply find a way to always be busy whenever they ask to hang out. In the moment, a fake phone call can always get you out in a pinch! To help you out, we’ve put together a list of options you can choose from so you can avoid your friends without upsetting them.

1

Ask them to give you some space if you need it.

Be honest and talk to your friend about how you feel. If you try to avoid being around them, they may catch on and figure out that you’re trying to dodge them, which could make them feel awful. If you still want to be friends, reach out and kindly ask for a little time to yourself.^{[1]
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- Try saying something like, “I’ve just got a lot going on right now and I really need a little mental break from people. I could use a little time to myself.”
- If you’re trying to avoid someone because you don’t want to be friends with them anymore, the best thing for you to do may be to end your friendship before you hurt them even more.

2

Tell them you can’t text or call them as much.

You can say it’s affecting your school or work performance. Get out of future conversations with your friend by letting them know that you won’t be sending or responding to text messages or taking phone calls. Mention that you’ve got a lot going on and you can’t stop to check your phone as often. That way, your friend won’t feel offended if you don’t respond to them or pick up their phone call.^{[2]
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- Try saying, “Work has been crazy and I really have to focus. I won’t be checking my phone as much, just wanted to let you know.”

3

Mute them on social media.

That way they won’t think you left them on read. If your friend sends you lots of messages on social media, choose the option to “Mute” the conversation. It won’t actually block them, and you can still check their messages, but it won’t alert you every time you get a new message or notification.^{[3]
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- Some messenger apps, like Facebook Messenger, tell your friends when you’ve read their messages. It could hurt your friend's feelings if you read their message but don’t respond. If you mute your friend, it’ll make it easier for you to avoid reading them.

4

Don’t share your plans and location on social media.

That way they won’t think you’re avoiding them. Try not to post constant updates that could tell your friend where you are and what you’re up to. Avoid tagging your location as well. That way, your friend won’t think you’re out and about and just avoiding them, which could hurt their feelings.^{[4]
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5

Take a fake phone call to get out of talking to them.

If you see them coming, it can help you escape. Pretend like your phone is vibrating and pull it out of your pocket or purse. Look at it intensely to make it seem like the call is important and hold the phone to your ear. Say hello and start walking away. Your friend may think it’s a serious call and will give you your space to take it.^{[5]
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- Try using a few phrases to really sell it. For instance, you could say, “Hello? Yes, this is she. Oh, hi! No, I can talk right now, just a sec.”
- You could even wave to your friend as you walk away so they know you saw them but you have to take this call.

6

Pretend you got an important message if you want to leave.

Look at your phone and then get up and walk away. Similar to a phone call, if you want to avoid an approaching friend (or you just want to get out of a conversation), pull out your phone and take a hard look at your screen. Act like you’re reading a serious message and you’re concerned. Tell your friend you need to go or simply start walking away. Your friend will likely give you your privacy.^{[6]
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- You could say something vague like, “I’m sorry, I just had something come up. I gotta go.”
- Keep in mind that you can’t fake a major text emergency every time you see your friend, but it can be useful in a pinch.

7

Say you need to go to the bathroom to get away.

Act like it’s urgent and then make your escape. Use this tactic if your friend catches you off guard while you’re trying to avoid them or if you’re in a conversation that you really want to get out of. Tell them that you’ve got to go to the bathroom right away and head off in the general direction of one. Your friend may ask where you were the next time they see you, and you can say that you weren’t feeling well and went home.^{[7]
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- Try shifting back and forth on your feet like you really need to go right now.
- Sometimes, just a short break from your friend can be enough to clear your head. A fake bathroom break can give you a few moments to yourself before heading back out to see your friend.

8

Tell them you’re really busy to get out of something.

It’s a simple but effective excuse to avoid making plans. If your friend is trying to organize a get-together or make plans to meet up and you’re just not up for it, simply tell them you have too much going on. You can try coming up with some fake plans or just keep it vague and say that you’re busy that day.^{[8]
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- For instance, you could say something like, “I’m sorry, I’ve got plans on Saturday and can’t make it,” or “Ah, I’ve got to finish a project then, so I'll have to sit this one out.”

9

Reschedule plans if you’ve already agreed to them.

It’s a great way to get out of something without hurting their feelings. If you’ve already made plans with your friend, not showing up or blowing them off could really upset them. Reach out ask if you can reschedule for another time. They may be totally fine with it, but if they’re hesitant, you can tell them that you had something come up and you really need to reschedule.^{[9]
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- For example, you could say, “Hey, so I totally forgot I have a dentist appointment then. Can we reschedule?”

10

Wait until you’re saying goodbye to talk to them at a gathering.

They may feel happy that you spent time with them. If you’re at an event like a party and you want to avoid your friend, steer clear of them and mingle with other people so you don’t run into them.^{[10]
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Expert Source

Jessica George, MA, CHt
Certified Professional Master Life Coach
Expert Interview. 11 February 2022.} When you’re about to leave, find your friend and spend a brief moment saying hello just before you tell them that you have to go. They’ll understand and they won’t feel like you’ve avoided them the whole time.^{[11]
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- Try walking over to them on your way out and saying, “Hi! I missed you this whole time. It’s so great to see you, but I’m actually leaving now.”
- You can even give them a big hug to help sell your goodbye.
- Acknowledge their presence and then find a polite way to leave the conversation. Get busy with other people and try to enjoy yourself the best you can.^{[12]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Jessica George, MA, CHt
  Certified Professional Master Life Coach
  Expert Interview. 11 February 2022.}

11

Ghost them if you don’t want to say goodbye at a gathering.

Don’t feel compelled to make a big thing about saying farewell. Also known as the Irish goodbye or the French exit, ghosting basically means you just leave an event without telling anyone goodbye. If you’re trying to avoid your friend at a party or a gathering, just leave whenever you’re good and ready. They may not even notice you left.^{[13]
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Warnings

Keep in mind that your friend has feelings, too. While it may be okay to avoid them every now and then, it could really hurt them if you keep doing it.

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