16 Proven Strategies for Approaching Women

Co-authored by Imad Jbara and Danielle Blinka, MA, MPA

Last Updated: November 15, 2022 References

Do you want the confidence to approach any woman? In this article, we’ll help you identify women who are interested in chatting with you and provide expert-backed tips on making the smoothest approach possible. We’ll also share the best ways to strike up a good conversation and how to ask her out on a date. Read on for our complete guide!

1

Look for open body language.

Go over if she’s smiling, making eye contact, and playing with her hair. These are signs she might be interested in you. On the other hand, you might switch your attention to someone else if she’s got her arms folded across her chest or seems to be avoiding your eyes. In that case, she might not be in the mood to talk right now.^{[1]
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HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
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- People-watching can help you learn to read body language. Watch how people move and interact with each other to get a feel for how body language works.

2

Move into her line of sight.

Make yourself seen so you don't accidentally sneak up on her. Move into her eye line, even if you’re just in her periphery. Give her time to notice you there before you go over to talk to her.

3

Relax your body so you look confident.

Open body language also makes you appear attractive to other people. You’ll seem casual and confident, which are desirable qualities.^{[2]
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PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
Go to source} Take a deep breath and release all the tension from your body. Additionally, keep your arms at your side and smile so you seem welcoming.
- Wondering how to look approachable? In addition to smiling, pick out an outfit that fits into the place where you’re going. Colors like earth tones, blue, and yellow make people feel comfortable talking to you, so they’re great options. As you move about the room, angle your body toward people you’re interested in talking to and mirror their gestures.^{[3]
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4

Approach her from the side.

Coming up beside her feels more casual and friendly. She’ll probably feel more relaxed, which will make it easier for you to talk to her. Walk a little away from her and come back if necessary to get into a good position. Then, slowly walk over.
- Never approach a woman from behind because it’ll make her uncomfortable. She may even be startled.^{[4]
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  PubMed Central
  Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
  Go to source}

5

Introduce yourself.

Smile, tell her your name, and ask how she’s doing. Say, “How’s your night going?” or “Having a good time?” Really listen to her response so she knows you’re interested. She’s probably going to ask how you are in response, so say something positive like:
- “I’m doing great.”
- “My night’s amazing.”
- “I’m having a terrific time, especially since I met you.”

6

Talk about what’s going on around you.

Start a conversation by mentioning something from your environment. It’s so hard to know what to say in these situations, but you can use your surroundings for inspiration. Things like the menu, music that’s playing, or why you’re there make excellent topics. You could also comment on the weather or the people around you.^{[5]
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Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- “I love this song. What about you?”
- “Your drink looks tasty. What did you order?”
- “What would you recommend off the menu?”
- “Can you believe this rain we’ve been having?”
- “It feels like everyone else here knows each other. Maybe we should get acquainted.”

7

Tell her a joke.

Make her laugh to break the ice. Laughter actually relieves stress, so it can put you both at ease.^{[6]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source} Learn a few jokes in advance so you can dazzle her with your sense of humor. You might try:
- “Jokes about steak are medium, rarely well done.”
- “What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reality.”
- "Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they’d be bagels, and bagels can’t fly."
- “Why do mushrooms always get invited to parties? Because they’re such fungi!”

8

Ask her a question and really listen.

People enjoy talking about themselves. Plus, she’ll like that you’re interested in getting to know her.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 22 September 2021.} Ask her an open-ended question to keep the conversation going. She’ll give long answers or ask you a question if she’s interested in talking. If she gives you short answers, she’s probably not in the mood to talk, so it’s best to move onto someone else.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Patti Novak Williams
Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.}
- “What’s your favorite band?”
- “What do you do in your spare time?”
- “What was the last book you read?”
- “What was the last movie you watched?”
- “What’s your favorite item to order off the menu?”
- “How often do you come here?”

9

Compliment her.

Give her an unexpected compliment so you’ll stand out. Women typically get a lot of attention for their looks, so compliment her on her style or mannerisms.^{[9]
X
Research source} On the other hand, steer clear of comments about her body because they might make her uncomfortable.^{[10]
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Expert Source

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 22 September 2021.}
- “This color looks great on you.”
- “Those earrings are so unique.”
- “Your eyes caught my attention from across the room.”
- “Your laugh is so melodic.”
- “Your confidence is magnetic.”

10

Be direct if you’re feeling confident.

Tell her you’re interested. It’s scary to put yourself out there, but it might be the best way to get a date. If you’re up to it, just be honest about how you feel. Hopefully, she’ll be intrigued and want to get to know you more.^{[11]
X
Expert Source

Patti Novak Williams
Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.}
- "You're probably used to this but I'm new to it, so here it goes: I don't know you, but I'd like to. I think you're beautiful...and who doesn't want more of that in their life?"
- “I saw you from across the room and knew I had to meet you. Would you be interested in getting to know each other?”
- “I just wanted to tell you that you’re lovely tonight. Can I buy you a drink?”

11

Make sure she looks comfortable.

Eye contact, smiling, and leaning toward you are signs she likes you. Keep talking to her as long as she seems okay with it.^{[12]
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Research source} If you notice her eyes darting away or she folds her arms across her chest, it might be time to end the conversation and move on. In that case, thank her for her time and move on to someone new.
- “Thanks for your advice. I’ll let you get back to your drink.”
- “I appreciate your time. Have a good night.”

12

Exchange phone numbers.

Ask for her number or offer her yours. Giving her your number puts the ball in her court so she can decide if she wants to talk to you again. She’ll text or call if she’s into you. If you don’t hear from her, she might not be interested, she’s not dating right now, or she’s already taken. In that case, focus on someone else who caught your eye.
- “Can I get your number?”
- “Do you wanna exchange digits?”
- “Here’s my number.”
- “Text me sometime.”

13

Ask her out for coffee or drinks.

Tell her you’re interested in getting to know her. Then, invite her out on a specific day to a place you’ve chosen in advance.^{[13]
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Research source} Keep it simple by going on a traditional first date to a place like a coffeehouse.
- “You seem really cool. Do you want to meet for coffee this Saturday?”
- “I’d really like to get to know you more. Wanna get drinks on Friday night?”
- “I’d like to continue this conversation over lunch one day this week. Want to meet at Cozy Coffee House?”

14

Take rejection in stride.

While it hurts, rejection isn’t personal. There are tons of reasons why a woman might turn you down that have nothing to do with you. She might be in a relationship, or perhaps she’s just not dating right now. It’s also possible she had a bad day and just isn’t in the mood to meet anyone. If she’s not interested, kindly make your exit and focus on someone else.^{[14]
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- “I totally understand. Have a great night.”
- “Enjoy your evening.”
- “I appreciate your reply. Have a nice day.”