How to Tell if Your Partner Has a Personality Disorder

Everybody has personality quirks and flaws. In uncommon cases, though, unhealthy patterns of behaviors and thoughts are severe enough to be considered a personality disorder. Living with a partner who has a personality disorder can be a struggle, especially if they have never been diagnosed. You can learn to recognize whether your partner might have a personality disorder by educating yourself on the different groups, or “clusters,” of disorders and the symptoms they produce. Then, you must take action to ensure your partner gets the help they need.

Method 1
Method 1 of 4:

Spotting the Signs of Cluster A Personality Disorders

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    Understand Cluster A disorders. Cluster A personality disorders are defined by behavior that may appear strange or eccentric to other people. Someone with a disorder from this group may have unusual ideas or suffer from distorted thinking. Poor social skills and social isolation are common in people with these disorders. Paranoid, schizoid, and schizotypal personality disorders are included in Cluster A.[1]
    • Make sure that you do not label your partner, even if your suspect that they might have this disorder. Personality disorders are a spectrum of symptoms and it is possible to have some symptoms, but not have the disorder. If your partner finds that the symptoms are interfering with their life, then they should see a mental health professional for a diagnosis.[2]
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    Think about whether your partner is overly suspicious of other people. If your partner believes other people are out to get them or are plotting against them, even when there is no evidence this is the case, they might have paranoid personality disorder. This disorder is characterized by mistrust, being quick to take offense, and being secretive.[3]
    • Someone with paranoid personality disorder may read too much into other people’s actions or believe that others are sending them hints and messages through innocuous behaviors.
    • If your partner frequently accuses you of being unfaithful, it could be another indicator of paranoid personality disorder, or it could just be regular jealousy. Diagnostic criteria can blend in with other behaviors, so not all behaviors can be considered as part of a disorder.
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    Notice if your partner has difficulty forming close relationships. If your partner appears emotionally flat and uninterested in spending time with other people, they may have schizoid personality disorder. Someone with schizoid personality disorder may seem to have few friends, interests, or goals in life.[4]
    • Consider your partner’s desire for intimacy and sex. Many people with schizoid personality disorder have little or no sex drive. They may also avoid emotional intimacy. However, lack of sexual attraction or drive can also be a sign of asexuality, which is normal and healthy.
    • Don’t confuse schizoid personality disorder with schizotypal personality disorder or schizophrenia. Their names and a few of their symptoms are similar, but people with schizoid personality disorder do not experience delusions or psychosis.
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    Look for strange, magical, or delusional beliefs. Someone with odd ideas, poor social skills, and paranoid tendencies may have schizotypal personality disorder. If your partner has this disorder, they might come off as eccentric in their interactions with others. They may also have trouble displaying appropriate emotions and be unreasonably afraid of other people.[5]
    • For example, if your partner believes they are telepathic or attempts to pick out coded messages on TV, this could indicate they have schizotypal personality disorder.
    • Schizotypal personality disorder is not the same thing as schizophrenia. The two conditions share similar symptoms, but schizophrenia is more severe.
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Method 2
Method 2 of 4:

Identifying Cluster B Personality Disorders

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    Learn about Cluster B disorders. This group of personality disorders is characterized by dramatic, impulsive, highly emotional behaviors. People with these disorders often have difficulty in their personal relationships and struggle to form healthy, trusting bonds with others. Antisocial personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder, and narcissistic personality disorder all belong to this cluster.
    • The Cluster B disorders are the most common group of personality disorders.
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    Think about whether your partner behaves with no regard for others. Someone who seems unable to empathize with others may have antisocial personality disorder. In its milder form, this disorder might cause someone to act manipulative, callous, or aggressive. Someone with severe antisocial personality disorder might commit crimes or hurt others.[6]
    • Abuse is a risk in relationships where one person has antisocial personality disorder. The person with the disorder may try to take out their anger on their partner.
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    Be wary of a history of impulsive behavior and rocky relationships. Does your partner act inconsistent and have frequent mood swings? They might have borderline personality disorder. Reckless behavior and emotional dependence are other hallmarks of this disorder.[7]
    • If your partner seems to love you one day and hate you the next without any real reason for the change, they might be suffering from borderline personality disorder.
    • Borderline personality disorder is one of the most commonly diagnosed personality disorders.
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    Ask yourself whether your partner seems to need attention constantly. If your partner frequently acts out and tries to become the center of attention, they might have histrionic personality disorder. People with this disorder can be very emotional. They may act inappropriately sexual to get people to pay attention to them.[8]
    • Craving a lot of stimulation and novelty is another sign of histrionic personality disorder.
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    Question whether your partner is self-centered and lacks empathy. If your partner refuses to take responsibility for their mistakes, seems unable to recognize the feelings of others, and tries to make themselves the center of everything, they might have narcissistic personality disorder. Someone with this disorder may be manipulative or jealous. They are usually concerned with maintaining their own image regardless of other people’s feelings or needs.[9]
    • Consider whether your partner expresses that they are superior to others. Narcissists tend to believe they are special and different.
    • A narcissistic partner might act caring towards you or others because they want to project the image of being a caring person. However, they are probably not acting out of genuine empathy.
    • Narcissists also do not like to be criticized and do not take criticism well.
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Method 3
Method 3 of 4:

Looking for Cluster C Personality Disorders

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    Know what distinguishes Cluster C disorders from the other clusters. Cluster C personality disorders are defined by fear and anxiety. Avoidant personality disorder, dependent personality disorder, and obsessive-compulsive personality disorder all belong to Cluster C.[10]
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    Consider whether your partner is oversensitive and socially inhibited. Does your partner avoid interacting with other people, get very upset when criticized, and avoid emotional intimacy in their relationship with you? If so, they may have avoidant personality disorder. People with this disorder have a fragile sense of self and are afraid of rejection. This causes many of them to isolate themselves socially.[11]
    • Don’t confuse avoidant personality disorder with introversion. Introversion is normal, and it doesn’t usually interfere with a person’s ability to function. Someone with avoidant personality disorder, on the other hand, may have a hard time going to work or school because they are so afraid of criticism. Whether or not someone has a disorder usually depends on how it affects their quality of life and how strong it is on a spectrum.
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    Ask yourself whether your partner is needy and dependent. Someone who relies on other people to provide for them financially and emotionally may have dependent personality disorder. If your partner acts clingy, insists that you make trivial decisions for them, and refuses to take responsibility for themselves, they might have dependent personality disorder.[12]
    • A partner with dependent personality disorder might be very submissive or agree with everything you say for fear of losing your approval and support.
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    Consider whether your partner is obsessed with orderliness. If your partner is perfectionistic, obsessively neat, or overly structured, they may have obsessive-compulsive personality disorder. People with this disorder are often rigid in their thoughts, behaviors, and expectations. They may get angry when other people don’t share their need for order.
    • Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder isn’t the same thing as obsessive-compulsive disorder, though the two are often confused.
    • If your partner has to do everything “by the book,” obsesses over budgets or time management, or is too perfectionistic to finish imperfect tasks, these could be additional signs of obsessive-compulsive personality disorder.
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Method 4
Method 4 of 4:

Acting on Your Suspicions

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    Do research to see how other people have handled similar situations. Looking into trustworthy online resources and forums to find out what other people have done in similar situations may help you to form a plan. You can connect with other people who are struggling with this disorder and get ideas from their experiences.
    • Try to find a forum that is targeted at people with the disorder your partner has been diagnosed with.
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    Have a candid conversation with your partner. If, after conducting research and monitoring your partner’s behavior, you still have strong suspicions that they may have a personality disorder, you need to take action. People rarely seek help for personality disorders on their own. Generally, they get treatment after a loved one has intervened.[13] The first step of intervention is sharing your concerns with your partner.
    • Choose a time when both you and your partner are calm and free to talk with no distractions. Schedule the discussion ahead of time, if you must. Start by saying, “I love you, Georgia. I am concerned about your well-being lately. You don’t have any friends. You avoid family. I’m the only person you talk to, and I don’t feel like we have as deep an emotional connection as we could. I want you to flourish socially and have rich relationships. Will you talk to someone so we can figure out what’s going on with you?”
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    Enlist the help of your partner’s friends and family. It is important to try to work things out with your partner first before involving other people. However, if this does not work, then you may have to reach out to other loved ones and state your case. Contact others who have close relationships with your partner—best friends, immediate family members, etc.—and ask these people to join you in staging an intervention. Avoid getting your partner’s coworkers involved or anyone else who is not close to your partner and extremely trustworthy.
    • A mental health intervention involves working with a professional who can facilitate the process of you asking your partner to get help. To have a successful intervention, loved ones will take turns explaining how the person’s disorder has negatively affected them and making a plea for them to enter treatment.[14]
    • Contact a local mental health treatment center to see if someone there has experience facilitating interventions.
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    Show your support. Although it will be up to your partner to seek and participate in treatment for a personality disorder, you can demonstrate a unified front during the process. Talk to your partner’s therapist to see how you can best help in the treatment process. It may be helpful to accompany your partner to therapy sessions or even attend couples therapy.[15]
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    Take care of yourself. When a loved one needs your help, it can be easy to neglect your own health and well-being. Keep in mind that to be of any help to your partner you need to practice self-care.[16] Make sure you are getting regular exercise, eating nutritious meals, and getting enough rest each night. Also, take time out for yourself to do things you enjoy like reading a novel, going for a hike, or having dinner with your close friends.
    • It may also help for you to join a support group for loved ones of those with personality disorders. In these groups, you will meet with others who are coping with the same disorders and learn ways to better support your partner and your own health and well-being. Ask your partner’s therapist for suggestions about local or online support groups.[17]
    • Remember that it's not your responsibility to take on your partner's mental health problems or try to fix them. You can support them while still having boundaries and protecting yourself.[18]
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Expert Q&A

  • Question
    What should you do if you suspect your partner has borderline personality disorder?
    George Sachs, PsyD
    George Sachs, PsyD
    Licensed Psychologist
    George Sachs is a Licensed Psychologist and the Owner of Sachs Center based in New York, New York. With over ten years of experience, Dr. Sachs specializes in treating ADD/ADHD and Autism Spectrum Disorders in children, teens, and adults. He holds a BS in Psychology from Emory University. Dr. Sachs earned his Doctorate of Psychology (PsyD) from the Illinois School of Professional Psychology, Chicago. He completed his clinical training in Chicago at Cook County Hospital, Mt. Sinai Hospital, and the Child Study Center. Dr. Sachs completed his internship and postdoctoral work at the Children’s Institute in Los Angeles, where he supervised and trained therapists in Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TFCBT). He has been trained as a Gestalt Therapist and certified by the Gestalt Associates Training Program of Los Angeles. Dr. Sachs is the author of The Adult ADD Solution, Helping the Traumatized Child, and Helping Your Husband with Adult ADD. He has appeared on the Huffington Post, NBC Nightly News, CBS, and WPIX discussing his holistic approach to ADD/ADHD treatment.
    George Sachs, PsyD
    George Sachs, PsyD
    Licensed Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    Make sure that you do not label your partner, even if your suspect that they might have this disorder. Personality disorders are a spectrum of symptoms and it is possible to have some symptoms, but not have the disorder. If your partner finds that the symptoms are interfering with their life, then they should see a mental health professional for a diagnosis.
  • Question
    How can you tell the difference between autism and social anxiety?
    George Sachs, PsyD
    George Sachs, PsyD
    Licensed Psychologist
    George Sachs is a Licensed Psychologist and the Owner of Sachs Center based in New York, New York. With over ten years of experience, Dr. Sachs specializes in treating ADD/ADHD and Autism Spectrum Disorders in children, teens, and adults. He holds a BS in Psychology from Emory University. Dr. Sachs earned his Doctorate of Psychology (PsyD) from the Illinois School of Professional Psychology, Chicago. He completed his clinical training in Chicago at Cook County Hospital, Mt. Sinai Hospital, and the Child Study Center. Dr. Sachs completed his internship and postdoctoral work at the Children’s Institute in Los Angeles, where he supervised and trained therapists in Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TFCBT). He has been trained as a Gestalt Therapist and certified by the Gestalt Associates Training Program of Los Angeles. Dr. Sachs is the author of The Adult ADD Solution, Helping the Traumatized Child, and Helping Your Husband with Adult ADD. He has appeared on the Huffington Post, NBC Nightly News, CBS, and WPIX discussing his holistic approach to ADD/ADHD treatment.
    George Sachs, PsyD
    George Sachs, PsyD
    Licensed Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    The symptoms are going to fairly similar in many ways, but someone with social anxiety is going to have symptoms that dissipate or go away completely when they're in a more comfortable setting. You may not see a big change if they have autism.
  • Question
    How do you identify the differences between schizoid disorders and Asperger's?
    George Sachs, PsyD
    George Sachs, PsyD
    Licensed Psychologist
    George Sachs is a Licensed Psychologist and the Owner of Sachs Center based in New York, New York. With over ten years of experience, Dr. Sachs specializes in treating ADD/ADHD and Autism Spectrum Disorders in children, teens, and adults. He holds a BS in Psychology from Emory University. Dr. Sachs earned his Doctorate of Psychology (PsyD) from the Illinois School of Professional Psychology, Chicago. He completed his clinical training in Chicago at Cook County Hospital, Mt. Sinai Hospital, and the Child Study Center. Dr. Sachs completed his internship and postdoctoral work at the Children’s Institute in Los Angeles, where he supervised and trained therapists in Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TFCBT). He has been trained as a Gestalt Therapist and certified by the Gestalt Associates Training Program of Los Angeles. Dr. Sachs is the author of The Adult ADD Solution, Helping the Traumatized Child, and Helping Your Husband with Adult ADD. He has appeared on the Huffington Post, NBC Nightly News, CBS, and WPIX discussing his holistic approach to ADD/ADHD treatment.
    George Sachs, PsyD
    George Sachs, PsyD
    Licensed Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    People with Asperger's struggle to recognize social cues and subtle signs. That might include body language, nonverbal behaviors, and things like that. Someone with a schizoid, or schizotypal disorder is going to respond to those kinds of cues in a suspicious or odd way. Their behavior may not necessarily make sense to you.
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References

  1. ↑ https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/dsm-5-the-ten-personality-disorders-cluster-a/
  2. ↑ George Sachs, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist. Expert Interview. 9 October 2020.
  3. ↑ https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9784-paranoid-personality-disorder
  4. ↑ https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9784-paranoid-personality-disorder
  5. ↑ https://www.psycom.net/schizotypal-personality-disorder
  6. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK546673/
  7. ↑ https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-borderline-relationship-evolves
  8. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/disorders/histrionic-personality-disorder-symptoms/
  9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201412/is-your-partner-narcissist-here-are-50-ways-tell
  1. ↑ https://mentalhealth-uk.org/help-and-information/conditions/personality-disorders/types-of-personality-disorders/
  2. ↑ http://blogs.psychcentral.com/caregivers/2015/07/understanding-avoidant-attachment-disorder/
  3. ↑ https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9783-dependent-personality-disorder
  4. ↑ http://www.psychguides.com/guides/personality-disorder-symptoms-causes-and-effects/
  5. ↑ https://family-intervention.com/blog/advice-staging-mental-health-intervention/
  6. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/when-mental-illness-strikes-tips-for-couples/
  7. ↑ Elizabeth Weiss, PsyD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 26 July 2019.
  8. ↑ http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/find-support-groups
  9. ↑ Elizabeth Weiss, PsyD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 26 July 2019.

About This Article

Elizabeth Weiss, PsyD
Co-authored by:
Elizabeth Weiss, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist
This article was co-authored by Elizabeth Weiss, PsyD. Dr. Elizabeth Weiss is a licensed clinical psychologist in Palo Alto, California. She received her Psy.D. in 2009 at Palo Alto University's PGSP-Stanford PsyD Consortium. She specializes in trauma, grief, and resilience, and helps people reconnect with their full self after difficult and traumatic experiences. This article has been viewed 41,747 times.
4 votes - 75%
Co-authors: 6
Updated: April 13, 2022
Views: 41,747
Categories: Personality Disorders

Medical Disclaimer

The content of this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, examination, diagnosis, or treatment. You should always contact your doctor or other qualified healthcare professional before starting, changing, or stopping any kind of health treatment.

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