How to Deal With a Drama Queen

Last Updated: December 17, 2022

You can encounter drama queens at work, school, or in your social circle. It's important to deal with a drama queen appropriately so you don't get sucked into their drama. Interact with a drama queen carefully, making sure to discourage them from exaggerating or seeking attention. Set clear boundaries. Make it clear what behaviors you will and will not tolerate. You should also cope emotionally on your own end. Take time to rest and recover after dealing with drama queens.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Interacting with a Drama Queen

1
Avoid asking a drama queen how they're feeling. Drama queens are dramatic by nature and need an audience for this. Asking someone you know is a drama queen how they're doing usually leads to trouble. This can invite a drama queen to vent or complain, so try to minimize interactions that encourage sharing.^{[1]
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- Try to be polite to a drama queen, especially if you work with them. However, do not invite small talk. You can say "Good morning" to a drama queen, but do not follow up with, "How is your day going?"
- In some situations, it may feel rude not to ask a drama queen how they're feeling. For example, if they ask you first you may feel obligated to ask in return. In this case, try to minimize your interactions. Do not let a drama queen talk too much before excusing yourself, saying something like, "I'm sorry, but I'm late to a meeting."
2
Recognize hyperbolic language. Sometimes, you need to know how to decode what a drama queen is saying. If someone is prone to exaggeration, check in with reality when talking to them. This way, you won't get unnecessarily stressed due to someone else's tendency for drama.
- Drama queens tend to use hyperbolic language, blowing small matters out of proportion. A drama queen may, for example, say things like, "My boss hates me, so I'm getting fired." They may also lash out at you when feeling dramatic, saying things like, "You never listen to me anyway."
- These things are usually a drama queen's way of blaming problems on outside drama rather than their own choices. For example, saying their boss hates them is probably an exaggeration. They probably made a poor choice at work and, while they were reprimanded, they will not be fired. Accusing you of not caring or listening is a way to distract themselves from a negative situation by starting fights with friends, family members, and co-workers.
- Always try to decipher what a drama queen is really saying, and keep in mind the situation is not as dire as they make it seem.
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3
Tell them to only share the facts. Drama queens tend to editorialize. You may ask them for a run down of events and they may launch into a dramatic story, in which they are often the victim of circumstances beyond their control. If a drama queen is embellishing and exaggerating, remind them you really need the objective facts.^{[2]
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- For example, you ask a drama queen why a co-worker was late for work and the drama queen launches into a story about how stressful the co-worker's absence was for them. They may also make accusations about the co-worker's behavior, and say things like, "I would never be allowed to show up that late."
- Stop this kind of talk in it's tracks. Say something like, "Can you just stick to the facts? I really just need to know why Sophie was late, please."
4
Do not reward negative behavior. Drama queens often act out for attention. A drama queen may exaggerate their emotions, acting more upset or invested in a situation than they actually are. Engaging with this behavior only rewards it. Even negative reactions are feeding into a drama queen's need for attention. Disengage when a drama queen acts out. Take a few deep breaths and remind yourself you don't have to react to bad behavior.
- For example, a co-worker comes into work clearly in a bad mood. You know this person is a drama queen. They're deliberately trying to get people to ask them what's wrong, sighing loudly and commenting about their bad day.
- The drama queen is seeking attention, and will likely drag anyone who bites into a spiral of drama. Instead of responding, focus on your own work. If necessary, say something like, "Sorry you're feeling bad, but I've got work to do."

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Setting Clear Boundaries

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Figure out your limits. Everyone has personal limits regarding their time and emotional energy. Think about how much a drama queen's behavior stresses you out, and which behaviors cause you the most stress. These are the behaviors you do not have to tolerate. You are your own person with your own stress and you are not obligated to endlessly help another person.^{[3]
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- It can be helpful to write down a list of behaviors that bother you. What does this person do that causes you stress? Maybe they text you constantly when they're stressed about something. Maybe they exaggerate money problems when they're upset, even though they know you're genuinely struggling.
- Rank how much these behaviors bother you on a scale of one to 10 stress wise, one being the lowest and 10 being the highest. The behaviors on the higher end of the scale are behaviors you should no longer tolerate.
2
State your boundaries directly. Sit down with the person and let them know, directly, your feelings. Tell them there are certain behaviors you will no longer tolerate from them. Be specific about this, and get to the point right away.^{[4]
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- Do not beat around the bush. Simply tell the person how you're feeling and what limits you're setting. For example, say, "Can I talk to you about how you communicate with me when you're stressed?"
- From there, clearly state what your boundary is. Say something like, "You cannot complain to me about money anymore. Your stories about your financial situation and inconsistent, and as a result I end up getting stressed about something that isn't really a problem. You know I'm paying off medical bills right now, and so money is a touchy subject."
3
Assert yourself when necessary. Drama queens often try to push boundaries. It is exciting for them to push people's buttons and cause drama. If the drama queen violates your boundaries, assertively restate them. This not mean being aggressive, as this is what the drama queen wants. Instead, calmly state what is bothering you as a reminder.^{[5]
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- For example, say something like, "Hey, sorry, but we talked about this. I can't help you with money problems right now."
4
Seek support from others if necessary. A drama queen may continue to violate your boundaries, even after you've clearly stated them. You may have to seek support from other people close to the drama queen. Let them know what's been going on and ask them politely to back you up. This is particularly important if this is a work situation. You may have to enlist the help of your boss.^{[6]
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- Say something like, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm having an issue with a co-worker. I just need your help enforcing some boundaries." From there, calmly explain the issue and let your boss or manager know what they can do. For example, you may want to work different shifts from this person in the future.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Managing Emotionally

1
Confront your investment in drama. Are there a lot of drama queens in your life? If so, you may be attracting drama in some way. Reflect on your past and present relationships with dramatic people and honestly assess whether you tend to draw the drama in, intentionally or not.
- Think about what you get out of a relationship with a dramatic person. Do you feel better about yourself when compared to a drama queen? Do you get bored easily and crave the thrill of drama?
- Think about other ways you could fill the needs a drama queen fills. For example, if you feel bored with life, try taking up a new hobby or joining a club.
2
Take time to replenish yourself. If interacting with a drama queen is unavoidable, give yourself a break afterwards. Find something to do to recharge after interacting with a drama queen. For example, listen to your favorite song on your headphones on your commute home if you had to deal with a dramatic co-worker.
3
Spend time with supportive people. If you work with a drama queen, you will need to spend time with supportive people. Seek out friends, family members, and co-workers who tend to be more supportive and loving. Make a point of interacting with these people more, especially after spending time with a drama queen.^{[7]
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- For example, if you work with a drama queen, try to have lunch with a pleasant co-worker to compensate.
4
Distance yourself if necessary. If someone keeps violating your boundaries, distance yourself. Stop returning texts and phone calls. Lessen social interactions. If someone is genuinely depleting you with their drama, it's okay to walk away.

Expert Q&A

Question

What do you do if someone always blows things out of proportion?

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist
Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships.

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD

Licensed Psychologist

Expert Answer

Sometimes that happens because the person isn't feeling heard by you. In that case, the first step would be to look at your own behavior and look at whether you're really listening and responding in a way that they would want.