How to Run Away With Your Boyfriend

Co-authored by wikiHow Staff

Last Updated: September 16, 2021 References Approved

The decision to run away with your boyfriend is not one to be taken lightly. This is a huge decision that will impact your life and his, and you should take your time to determine if it's the right thing to do. If you are certain, there are things that you and your boyfriend should do to prepare for this big step.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Evaluating Your Reasons

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Think long and hard about why you want to run away. If you are young, it can be extremely easy to make decisions based on temporary emotions. Instead of packing up your things and fleeing your house in the heat of the moment, try to calm down before you make any big decisions. Your decision to run away will not affect only you, and it's important that you are fully confident in your decision before you take off.^{[1]
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- Are you in a fight with your parents? When you live with your parents and you're not on good terms with them, it can be really unpleasant. However, working out momentary problems can be a much simpler (and cheaper) solution than uprooting your entire life.
- If your boyfriend is convincing you to run away, think about if it's worth it. If your boyfriend loves you, he will not force you to change your entire life and leave your home to be with him. You have your entire life to support yourself, pay bills, and create a life with your partner, so why leave your home before you need to?
2
Consider alternatives. Running away with your boyfriend is a very drastic decision, and it's crucial to consider all other options first. If you are unhappy with something at home, such as a lack of privacy, strained relationships, or strict rules, try talking to your parents first. If you sit down and address the issues in a calm and mature way, you may be able to find a compromise without having to relocate with your boyfriend. If there are major issues, suggest family counseling. Counselors can teach you how to communicate with each other more effectively, and correct issues that may be causing volatility in your home.

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3
Talk honestly with your boyfriend. You are making a huge decision with him, and it's important that you see each other as teammates. Talk to him openly about why you are running away, how you will handle certain obstacles, and what goals you have for your future together. Running away together can seem like a romantic fairytale, but there are real, unromantic problems that can arise.^{[2]
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- Consider things like, will you two pay for everything 50/50? How will you handle it together if you run out of money? What will he do if he loses his job? To start a life together successfully, you both need to be committed, responsible, and motivated.
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Seek help from outside sources before deciding. Talking to someone can help you evaluate your situation and determine if leaving home is the best thing for you to do. Talk to an adult you trust, like a relative, teacher, school counselor, or a friend's parents. If there isn't an adult that you feel comfortable talking to about your options, call the National Runaway Safeline (1-800-RUNAWAY) to talk to someone there about your situation. There are lots of resources you can call upon for help before you make the drastic decision to leave.^{[3]
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Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Making Arrangements

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Find a job. If you and your boyfriend are running away, you will be taking on full financial responsibility. You may rely on your parents or other family members for financial help now, and sometimes you aren't even aware of how much help they provide. You will both need to find stable jobs, if you don't already have them. If you are still in school, you will need to work after class and on the weekends in order to support yourself.^{[4]
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- Check Craigslist, Monster, Indeed, SimplyHired, and other job sites for job listings in the area you are going to.
- Unless you have to leave in a hurry, it's best to line up your employment before you leave.
2
Figure out a place to live. Unless an incredibly generous friend or family member has offered you a place to live rent-free, you will need to find a new home. Keep in mind that the cost of living varies from place to place. For example, it is much cheaper to live in a small town than it would be to live in New York City. Search the web for available apartments or houses for rent, and figure out something that will fit into your budget. A good rule of thumb is that 30% of your monthly income should go to rent.^{[5]
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- If you make $2,000 a month and your boyfriend makes $2,000 a month, you have a combined total of $4,000 to work with. Thirty-percent of $4,000 is $1,200, so look for apartments that cost that much or less.
- Once you find a place to live, you will need to put down your deposit. Make sure you've set aside money for that before move-in day.
3
Learn the skills you will need to live alone. When you run away, you will be responsible for grocery shopping, cooking, doing laundry, and paying bills. If you already do these things or know how to do these things, you have an advantage. If you've never done these things before, it's helpful to learn before you leave in order to make your transition smoother.^{[6]
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- Observe the things that your parents do around the house so that you understand all of the responsibilities you will have.
- Read wikiHow articles on how to do basic tasks, like doing the laundry. Find simple recipes online to learn how to cook.
4
Decide when you will leave. Plan a date that you and your boyfriend will officially leave. If you can, plan a date far enough in advance that you can make all your arrangements before moving day. If you do not have the luxury of time, you will have to do the best you can to make all of your arrangements on short notice.
- If you know that running away will cause a big commotion among your family members, make sure that only you and your boyfriend know your departure date. Try not to act suspicious as the day approaches.
5
Determine how you will leave. If you have a car, that's great. However, if the car is in your parents' name and you're leaving home without their support, this might be a problem. They may demand you bring the car back, or there could be legal consequences. If you bought the car yourself, there shouldn't be an issue. Don't forget to budget car insurance into your finances so that you're protected if anything happens. If you plan on flying, taking a bus, or taking a train, make sure you save money for that ticket in advance.

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Saving Money

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Start saving money before you plan to leave. Again, this is only if you have enough time. If you are running away from a bad situation and don't have time to save money, you can ignore this step. However, if you do have time to save a little nest egg before you do, it is very wise. Even the most frugal people with the strictest budgets can have unexpected expenses come up, so it's really smart to have money saved up just in case.^{[7]
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- Start living frugally before you leave to save extra cash. Stop spending money on eating out, getting coffee, getting your nails done, and any other frivolous expenses. Instead, put all of that money towards your “running away” fund.
2
Do your research about expenses. If you live at home with your parents, you may not realize all of the various costs that you will face when you live with your boyfriend. For example, do your parents pay for your cell phone? Doctors bills? Do they purchase the things you use around the house, like laundry detergent, hand soap, toothpaste, paper towels, and toilet paper? All of these things add up, and you need to be prepared. Start writing down necessities that you will need to purchase once you leave, and calculate how much money you will need to allocate for different things.^{[8]
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- When you start living on your own, you will inevitably have expenses you didn't plan for. That's okay! Do the best you can to prepare.
- When in doubt, overestimate. It's better to allocate too much money for something that not enough.
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Make a budget. The importance of creating a budget when you're living on your own and supporting yourself financially for the first time cannot be overstated. Once you've determined how much income you'll be getting and how much you'll be paying in rent, figure out how much money you'll need to set aside for things like utilities, gas (if you have a car), groceries, health insurance, and any other unavoidable expenses.^{[9]
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Research source} Things like cable and Internet should only be considered after all of your necessities are covered.
- Once you've created a budget, stick to it! If you know that you only have $100 a month for fun stuff, you probably can't say yes to every single invitation you get. You can't spend $200 on a shopping spree if you want to be able to pay your rent.

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Running Away

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Depart when your parents are gone. Avoid a screaming match by sneaking out while they're away at work or out to eat. It can be tempting to make a dramatic exit, but that could potentially hold you up or make things trickier. Instead, just take your bags and slip out the door when the coast is clear.
- If your parents don't leave the house often, or if you have a flight or bus to catch and your parents are home, try to leave discreetly when they're in another room or sleeping. Get creative to find a way out, if you must.
- You can find a lot more information about executing the perfect exit here.
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Leave a note. This help is optional, but it can be helpful to you. If you leave a note explaining that you've chosen to leave and have made arrangements, your parents may be less likely to call authorities. If you simply disappear, they could suspect foul play. By explaining that you left on your own and you have a plan, they'll at least have some information. They may try contacting you personally, and you can explain more then if you choose to.
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Avoid being found. Don't bring your iPhone, iPad, or any smart electronic device with you. Your parents will be able to track these, especially if you're on a family plan.^{[10]
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Research source} Do not use a credit or debit card either, as those can create a record of your whereabouts. Pay for things in cash, and buy a cheap pay-as-you-go phone once you hit the road. The less you use electronics, whether it be your iPhone or electronic payment, the less chance you have of leaving a trail to you.
- Stay off social media. This seems obvious, but in a world of constant communication, it's tempting to post a quick status on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram about your dramatic exit or plans for a new life. Don't! Any electronic information that you provide will help your parents or authorities track you down.
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Know that you can always go home. Even if you're angry with your parents and they're angry with you, know that you always have the ability to go home. If you find yourself in trouble or if you're unable to support yourself, don't be afraid to go home and ask for help and forgiveness. Running away can be a scary and dangerous thing to do, and it can lead to bigger consequences than simply angry parents. Don't let a fight at home cause you to get in bigger trouble outside your home.
- If you need help getting home, call the National Runaway Safeline at 1-800-RUNAWAY. Not only can they help you with the logistics of getting home safely, they can help you address the problems that caused you to run away in the first place.^{[11]
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Community Q&A

Question

I'm 15 and I want to run away with my boyfriend who is 16. I don't know if he agrees with me. If he does, how can I prepare myself?

Community Answer

If you are serious about running away, you need to have a safe place to live, food to eat, and a way to make money. This is not a decision to be taken lightly, and it is very important that you understand all of the new responsibilities you will have once you live on your own. It sounds like your boyfriend may be unsure, and you should not pressure him to leave the safety of his home.
Question

What if you see someone you know?

Community Answer

Depending on where you go, this might be inevitable. Unless you are very, very skilled at hiding, you will most likely be found eventually. However if you are trying to hide and you see someone you know, you can ask them to keep your location to themselves.
Question

What will happen to my parents after I run away?

Community Answer

All parents react differently, but the majority will be upset and scared. Running away is a decision that will affect your entire family, and that is why it is so important to think of alternatives and to try to talk openly with your parents before you decide to run away.

Warnings

Running away can be dangerous. Be extremely careful and trust your instinct. Young runaways are often targeted because they are in such a vulnerable situation. Do not accept rides from strangers or let anyone know where you and your boyfriend are living.

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