How to React to a Gift You Do Not Like

Last Updated: October 29, 2021 Approved

Your great aunt knitted you the world's ugliest sweater. Your friend got you a CD by a band you detest. Your kids are waiting expectantly for you to tell them you love your new pink and green polka dotted tie. Good old neighbor Derek's got you the 10th pair of itchy green socks. Almost everyone will someday receive a bad gift, but that doesn't mean you have to make the gift giver feel bad too.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Saying the Right Things

1
Say "thank you". Any present is worth a "thank you." Look the gift giver in the eye and be as direct as you would with any other show of gratitude.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Ashley Smith, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 22 October 2021.}^{[2]
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Research source}
- You might say, "thank you! I really appreciate this."
- You may comment on the kindness and generosity of the present. "What a generous present!" or "how kind of you!"
2
React to the thought of the gift. If you struggle to bring a smile to your face to show gratitude for something you'll never use, or something you never wanted, try to appreciate the thought behind it. It's always possible to offer a few words of thanks concerning the thought they put into it.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Ashley Smith, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 22 October 2021.}
- "Thanks so much! What a thoughtful present!"
- "I really appreciate that you thought of me!"
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3
Appreciate the intention. Think about why they gave you the gift, and thank them for that reason. Even if the gift giver made a bad choice, they probably had at least one good reason for it.
- "You must have remembered that I love chocolate!"
- "Thank you for these colorful socks; you know I like to keep my feet warm."
- "Thanks for the CD! I'm always looking to expand my collection."
4
Ask questions. Ask your giver about the gift and how they thought of it. This is good distraction from discussing whether or not you'll use it, how often, etc. Ask them where they bought it, ask them if they've got one themselves, or ask how best to use it (if applicable). In general, when reacting to a gift you don't like, put the burden of the conversation on the person who is gifting, and not yourself.^{[4]
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Research source}
- "Do you have this CD too? What's your favorite track?"
- "I don't think I've ever seen socks like these; where did you get them? Do you have a pair yourself?"
- "I definitely don't have a sweater like this--how long did it take you to knit? How long have you been knitting?"
5
Lie if you are comfortable lying. If you don't have a moral issue with telling small lies to spare the feelings of well-intentioned people, go ahead and say you like it. Most people consider it polite to tell small lies about gifts rather than telling the giver you are disappointed.
- However, you should avoid telling a big lie. Say you love the present, but don't say it's the best present ever, or promise to use it every day.
- If you don't lie, just avoid saying that you hate the gift.
- "Thank you! What a great present."
- "This is wonderful, thank you! Where did you find it?"
6
Tell the truth if you're close. If the person who gave you a gift is someone who knows you well, someone with whom you have a lot of rapport, just tell them the truth if they push. You can laugh about it together.
- A bad gift is not a big deal, but lying could make it into one.
7
Defer questions. If your gift giver senses you don't like the present, they may start asking you questions about whether you "really" like it, or when you will use it. Either tell a tiny lie, or counter their questions with more questions so that you don't have to answer theirs.
- If you can, coax them into offering a suggestion on how/when to make full use of your gift. Then give a quick "I'll be sure to do that" and move on.
- In the case of a gift that is clearly mean-spirited, it's acceptable to throw any poise and respect out the window. Don't be afraid to tell them they can keep it.

Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Reacting Emotionally

1
React immediately. Once you have opened the gift, immediately thank the giver. If you open and then pause, you will seem disappointed.
2
Make eye contact. Look your gift giver in the eye while you thank them! If you don't like the present, you probably won't make properly admiring faces while you look at it—but you can always look into the face of your gift giver and appreciate their kindness.
3
Smile if you can. If you are a good actor, grin or beam at the person who got you the gift. It might help to remind yourself that they were trying to make you happy! That alone is a gift. Only smile if you can do it while feeling relatively natural.
- Don't force a smile! It will look fake.
4
Hug your thanks. If you are a bad actor, one way to hide your face and your disappointment while also displaying gratitude is to give the gift giver a hug. If you are on hugging terms with the person, immediately hug them after you open the present.
- A hug is truthful—it's a loving way for you to tell them you appreciate the love behind the gift.
5
Act naturally. You don't need to feign excitement. Instead, summon up warmth for the sweetness of the gift-giver, who is trying to please you by giving you a gift. Think to yourself,"they were trying to please me by giving me this."
- If you can, smile. If you're a bad actor, just thank them.

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Dealing with the Gift

1
Send a thank you card. While sound advice for any gift you receive, the thank you note has an added importance for those gifts you couldn't stand. It will put to bed some (if not all) of the worry the gift-giver might've had about your attitude towards the gift (or the giver having gifted it). Send it a week or so after you received the gift. As with receiving it, mention the thought behind the gift more than the gift itself. Be non-specific as to your involvement with the gift after the fact, possibly nothing more than "I'm enjoying it."^{[5]
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Research source}
- "Thanks so much for coming over and spending some time. I can't believe you put all that effort into knitting something for me--thanks again."
- "Just wanted to send my thanks for coming over the other night. So glad you went out of your way to get me a gift, happy to have another CD for my collection."
2
Re-gift it. If you're truly aiming to deal with the gift outright, you can always pass it along. A caution, however: don't get caught doing this. Even if you were straightforward about your feelings from the outset, it's thought of as tacky and insincere to pass along a gift already gifted. At the very least, make sure the person to whom you're passing it along to will appreciate it greatly. Your only defense in a situation like this is to insist--honestly--that you've given it to someone who could really enjoy it. Either that or donate it to charity.
3
Let time heal. Usually, the anxiety and awkwardness associated with the moment of gift-giving is unique to that moment. In time most come to appreciate the scope of the gift and realize (as you should) that it was truly the thought that counted. So if you weren't forthright from the beginning, don't be afraid to let your feelings be known after the fact if pressed on the issue.
- Tell them you gave the gift a try, but didn't like it. Pretend as though this was as much a surprise to you as it is to them hearing it.
- Do your best to make light of the situation, but never seem as though you regret receiving a gift. A thoughtful but unwanted gift is always better than none at all.
- Ask them if they'd like it back. If it was something they themselves have pined after or use themselves, offer to let them have it. Most people will say no out of courtesy, and this you'll have to accept. Never try to push it on them or you'll come across as rude.

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Avoiding Repeat Bad Gifts

1
Have a wish list. Given the appropriate occasion, such as your birthday or one of the winter holidays, consider having a wish list. It doesn't necessarily need to be a list itself, but know what you're aiming to get. For those of your family or friends who can't help but gift terribly, lay it on thick to them what it is you really want from them. If the desire is really to just avoid the bad gift, make your suggestion something cheap and easily attainable.
- "I'm still working through the last CD you gave me. I'm really looking forward to [artist name]'s next release though, should be out before Christmas."
- "I love those socks you gave me, I wear them around the house all the time. There's these shoes though that I'm really pining after; I think they sell them at [department store name]."
2
Make an example of good gifts. For the chronic bad gift-giver in your life, go out of your to find out just what they would like. Don't be afraid to even ask "what would you want to get?" If they try to demure or offer an "anything'll do," press them on it. Everyone always has something in mind, so find out what it is. The hope here is that they'll mirror your effort when it comes to gifting next.
3
Speak plainly. If they just won't quit, it might be time to say something before you have a room dedicated to gifts you never wanted. Hopefully you know your gift-giver enough to explain to them without offending them. If not, be prepared for them to become upset even if it's not really justified. Sometime after they've given the gift, pull them aside and tell them honestly "I'm not really sure this gift is for me."^{[6]
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Expert Source

Ashley Smith, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 22 October 2021.}
- "You know I love music, but this is just really not my style. I'm more into [style of music]."
- "I can't thank you enough for knitting this for me, but I'm not sure it fits with anything in my wardrobe."
- "I think I need to be honest: I've never found a way to pair any socks you've given me with anything I own. I can't thank you enough for the gift, but I've no use for any more socks like this."

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you tell someone to stop giving you gifts?

Ashley Smith, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Ashley Smith is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the Co-Founder of Peak Mind: The Center for Psychological Strength. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in treating anxiety and obsessive-compulsive spectrum disorders using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Dr. Smith has been featured in several media publications such as The Washington Post and Thrive Global. She has also been published in multiple peer-reviewed journals, including the Journal of Anxiety Disorders and The Behavior Therapist. Dr. Smith holds a BA in Psychology from The University of Central Arkansas and both an MA and PhD in Clinical Psychology from The University of Nebraska, Lincoln.

Ashley Smith, PhD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Explain your feelings in a polite, tactful way. You might say "It makes me comfortable that you give me so many gifts" or "I feel uncomfortable when you give me gifts because it makes the relationship feel lopsided."
Question

How can I be grateful for a gift I don't like?

Ashley Smith, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Ashley Smith is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the Co-Founder of Peak Mind: The Center for Psychological Strength. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in treating anxiety and obsessive-compulsive spectrum disorders using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Dr. Smith has been featured in several media publications such as The Washington Post and Thrive Global. She has also been published in multiple peer-reviewed journals, including the Journal of Anxiety Disorders and The Behavior Therapist. Dr. Smith holds a BA in Psychology from The University of Central Arkansas and both an MA and PhD in Clinical Psychology from The University of Nebraska, Lincoln.

Ashley Smith, PhD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Try to tap into your relationship with the gift giver. For instance, if a close friend or loved one gave you a gift you didn't like, you could just smile, say thanks, and remind yourself that it's the thought that counts.
Question

What if the person was trying to be mean by giving an offensive gift?

Community Answer

Then say whatever you want to. You have no obligation to be nice to someone like that.

Warnings

If the gift-giver is someone very close to you or someone you see often, it will probably be best to be straightforward with them about your attitude towards the gift.

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If you choose to re-gift, gift it to someone in another circle of friends or area of your life. Gift it to anyone unlikely to make contact with the original gift-giver.

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