How to Not Fall Too Hard for a Guy

Co-authored by Imad Jbara

Last Updated: January 8, 2023 References

Do you find yourself falling for guys quickly and getting your heart broken often? When a new, special guy comes into your life, it’s only normal that your feelings sometimes get the best of you. If you’re trying to slow things down, make an effort to keep a level head, stay well-rounded, and evaluate the relationship’s true potential.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Keeping a Level Head

1
Control your impulses. You might not really be able to control the fact that he’s popping into your head a lot, but you can control your actions. Try not to constantly talk to your friends about him. Don’t stalk him on social media. Avoiding some of these behaviors will allow your mind to be occupied by other thoughts and will help you keep a more logical mindset.
2
Limit your interaction with him. This is easier said than done; getting attention is fun and flattery is nice to hear. You’ll have a much easier time not falling for him if you aren’t around him all the time or texting him constantly.^{[1]
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Research source} It’ll be a lot easier to maintain balance and to not get swept up in your emotions if you aren’t hasty about bringing him into your day-to-day life.
- Try making a commitment to yourself to only hang out with him once a week at the most.
- Keep your phone in your purse or in another room when you’re hanging out with friends and family members to keep yourself from texting him too much.
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3
Stop planning out the future. It’s okay to have thoughts about what material you want your wedding dress to be made of and what you might name your kids one day, but you’re getting ahead of yourself if you’re thinking about this new guy in that picture. There’s always a chance that this will be the guy who will be a part of those moments, but for now, just focus on enjoying getting to know each other.
- Ask him about his favorite movies, music, sports, and more. Acknowledging that this point in time is all about learning who each other are may keep you from thinking so far into the future.
- Enjoy your “firsts”. There will only be one first date or first kiss. Keep your thoughts about him focused on those big, exciting moments as they happen.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Staying Well-Rounded

1
Keep up with your hobbies. Continue to stay active with your recreational soccer team and make progress on the short story that you’re writing. These activities might seem unimportant when you’re curled up with your new favorite person, but they aren’t. Keep some things in your life as only yours. Later on, you’ll be grateful that you continued to do the things you love.^{[2]
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2
Work on bettering yourself. To avoid becoming consumed with the guy you like, set some goals for yourself that you’ve been thinking about putting into action. This will shift your focus in a positive, healthy, progressive way.^{[3]
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- Consider making a goal to go to the gym three times a week if you’ve been feeling a little sluggish and want to get more exercise in.
3
Spend time with other important people in your life. While it’s tough to think about anyone else right now, it’s really important to keep investing in your trusted support system. It’s easy to forget about friends and family members who are always there for you when there’s a special new guy in your life, but they’re the ones who have been with you through the good and bad times and have added true value to your life. Remember to grab dinner or go watch a movie with those who have proven long-term loyalty.^{[4]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Recognizing True Relationship Potential

1
Avoid putting him on a pedestal. One of the major causes of falling too hard for a guy is seeing him as flawless. Remind yourself that no one is flawless. Instead of choosing to ignore his shortcomings, figure them out and think about whether or not you can accept them. If you avoid this and end up in a relationship with him, his inability to maintain the perfect image you created for him will damage the relationship.^{[5]
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- Try having a conversation about weaknesses. He probably knows his flaws best, and learning this information from him might help to ground you. Tell him your weaknesses too so that he doesn’t assume that you’re perfect either.
2
Remind yourself of past failed relationships. When you’re in the giddy early phase of getting to know a romantic interest, you can be blind to the reality of relationships. Look back briefly on past experiences that didn’t quite work out in your favor. Consider the fact that some of those hard times could happen with this new guy that you like. Ask yourself if you're willing to go through that pain again. Ask yourself if you see the potential for any of those problems to come up again.^{[6]
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3
Be yourself if you want it to last. When you’re really starting to develop feelings, sometimes it’s hard to stay true to who you are. You might be acting a certain way that appeals to him in order to speed up the relationship’s development. While this might get his interest in the short term, it’ll eliminate the possibility of a healthy relationship later. Be honest about the fact that you love rap music even if you know he only listens to country. It might take longer for him to know if the two of you are compatible enough, but this slower progression is more healthy and natural, and if things finally do progress, you’ll know it’s for the right reasons.^{[7]
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Warnings

Don’t try to distract yourself by showing interest in another guy. This could result in someone getting hurt and/or you developing feelings for more than one guy.

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Don’t come on too strong. This might make your feelings stronger, and it also might make his feelings about you weaker.

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If he's not interested, just move on. Trying to get him to like you back or changing yourself for him will just cause emotional pain.

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