How to Make Your Parents Proud Again After Disappointing Them as a Student

Last Updated: February 10, 2022 References

Few things hurt more than parental disappointment. You may already be stressed about your struggles at school, and it's not easy to know your parents aren't happy with how you're doing. Evaluating the problem and taking action can help make things better.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Considering the Problem

1
Think about what went wrong and caused you to do poorly as a student. Identifying the problem is the first step to solve it. Ask yourself what's getting in your way. Here are some reasons you may be struggling with classwork:
- Too many commitments or distractions: Juggling too many tasks at the same time can make it difficult to succeed at any of them. Your schedule may need reshuffling.
- Trouble getting organized or focused: If you don't have a set schedule, you may have a hard time getting started (or finished). This can lead to rush jobs and too much stress.
- Anxiety: Stressing too much about school can lead to procrastination and avoidance.
- Depression: Depression, an illness that involves low mood and fatigue, can make it difficult to get anything done.
- Untreated learning disabilities: Dyslexia (trouble with reading), dyscalculia (trouble with math), nonverbal learning disability (trouble with math and other subjects but not language), and ADHD (trouble with attention and organization) may impact your school performance, especially if you haven't been diagnosed and/or aren't getting adequate support.
2
Consider how much you can count on your parents to help. Different parents have different parenting styles, with some being more helpful and others being more controlling. Do your parents tend to listen you? Do they tend to help you or punish you when you're struggling? If they're the helpful type, then they may be willing to work with you to come up with a plan for doing better at school.^{[1]
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Child Mind Institute
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Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Talking to Your Parents

1
Acknowledge their perspective. Your parents want to know that you hear their concerns. Saying it outright helps them know that you understand their worries and that you're taking it seriously.^{[2]
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- "I know that this grade is lower than we expected and that you're disappointed."
- "It must be frustrating to see me keep bringing home bad grades no matter how many times you tell me to study."
- "I know it must be worrisome to see my grades sliding like this."
2
Let them know that you feel badly about it. Sometimes parents get upset because they're worried that you don't care. They're more likely to be understanding if you show them that you know this is important. Tell them that this matters to you and you feel bad.
- "I'm frustrated with my grades too. I keep studying and then doing badly and it really upsets me."
- "I'm disappointed too. I really hoped I'd do better on that exam."
- "I see my grades getting worse and I feel awful."
- "When I got my exam back, seeing that grade felt like a kick in the stomach. I want to make things better and I'm struggling to figure out how."
3
Tell them what the problem is. Without making excuses, let your parents know what's hurting your progress. Explain what's interfering with your academic progress. This shows them that you're thinking about this and you're interested in fixing the issue.^{[3]
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- "I think I'm having trouble getting organized. I could really use some help with that."
- "I think I need a better study schedule. I know that's my responsibility. Could you give me some advice?"
- "I studied for hours and I still did badly. I'm disappointed and confused. Maybe I need tutoring."
- "I'm overwhelmed by my to-do list. I'm so exhausted from school, babysitting, and extracurriculars that it's hard to do my homework on top of all that. I think I need to quit a few things so I can do better academically."
- "I think I'm taking too many advanced courses. If I switch to a few easier classes next semester, I can focus better on what really counts."
- "I feel so sad and tired all the time. It's hard to find the energy to do anything. Maybe a doctor would know how to fix it."
Tip: If your parents start thinking that you're trying to make excuses, stop them. Say "I know my grades are disappointing. I'm telling you why this is happening in the hopes that we can fix this problem. Can you help me fix it?"
4
Ask if they can help you solve the problem (if you'd like). While you're responsible for your own behavior, you can still ask your parents for help, especially if you're facing a difficult problem.
- "Mom, you talk about how hard you studied to get your master's degree. Could you and I put together a document of study tips that I can work on following?"
- "I think I could study better if I weren't interrupted so often. I'd like to put a sign on my door when I study. Can you help make sure that my siblings leave me alone when I need to focus?"
- "Maybe I'll be less tempted to goof off on my phone if other people can see me. Perhaps it's silly, but could I study in the kitchen while you cook? I think it might help."
- "Would you be willing to help me set up a doctor appointment so we can see what's wrong and get it fixed?"
5
Recognize a no-win situation. Most parents are willing to listen to you if you act straightforward and explain what's going on. But if your parents are unreasonable or abusive, they may start yelling or calling names. If this happens, don't fight back and see if you can walk away.
- Don't add fuel to the fire. Shouting back or trying to defend yourself is likely to make it get worse and last longer. Instead, take some deep breaths and quiet down.
- Remember that this is not your fault. You are doing your best and you tried to have a calm discussion. You don't deserve to be yelled at or called names because you messed up. (Nobody does.)
- Try leaving if you can. See if you can say something like "I'm going to head to my room and study" or "I'm going to take a walk to clear my head."
Tip: If your parents scream at you and/or call you names, or if you're afraid of them, try talking to your school counselor for advice.

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Improving Your Schoolwork

1
Try asking your teacher(s) for advice about doing better in their class. Most teachers love hearing that their students care about making an effort. Talk to them after class and ask them for ideas.^{[4]
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2
Learn from other people. There may be people willing to help you make sense of difficult subjects. Sometimes it's easier to understand someone when you're hearing an explanation instead of reading from a textbook.
- Ask questions in class. You can even stop by after class to ask the teacher something.
- See if your school has a tutoring center where you can learn.
- Try forming a study group with other people in your class.
- Ask a family member to help you if they have a good understanding of the subject.
- Consider looking up tutorials on YouTube, learning sites like Khan Academy, and other educational websites. Some of these are even made by professionals.
3
Work on your note-taking skills. Keep one notebook per subject at school. Try to fill at least a page per day with concepts explained during the lesson. Reviewing these notes can be useful later for homework and studying.^{[5]
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4
Target the problem(s) that caused you to falter academically. With or without the help of your parents, figure out some possible solutions to the problems that are getting in your way. (Don't be afraid to ask other people for ideas too!) Look for solutions that can make studying easier.
- Being too busy: Quit extracurricular activities that aren't worth it. Cut back on social media time. (Set alarms if needed.) Talk to parents about your responsibilities at home if they're hindering your schoolwork. Prioritize schoolwork before fun stuff and set time limits on study breaks.
- Trouble getting organized or started: Work on following a set schedule. You can even ask your parents for help or advice if you think they could be helpful. Try to be brave and start early (even if it's a small start) so you have more time.
- Anxiety, depression, or illness: Get a doctor appointment as soon as possible. The right treatment can help you feel more like you used to before the illness. You may also need to find ways to put yourself under less pressure.
- Learning disabilities: Talk to a doctor or counselor about what's happening. Experts have seen this type of thing tons of times before and they can have really good advice. They can also get you accommodations in school that help get you on equal footing with other students.
5
Follow a healthy routine. If unhealthy habits are getting your body into bad shape, it may be harder to focus your mind on schoolwork. Take good care of your body to help your mind be at its best.
- Eat on a regular schedule. Never skip meals. Even a small breakfast is better than no breakfast.
- Set yourself a bedtime. Use alarms or app blockers if you need help sticking to it at night.
- Try to wake up about the same time each day. Your body does best on a predictable schedule. If you're finding it hard to wake up in the morning, then you probably aren't going to bed early enough.
- Stay active. Take walks or do your favorite type of exercise.
6
Set a study routine. Try designating a certain time at which you'll study. Set an alarm if you need a reminder, or do it immediately after a task that's already part of your routine (such as making an after-school snack).
7
Get your study area comfortable and distraction-free. A quiet zone with few distractions is best for studying. Make it clean and well-organized, with any study tools (like pencils, calculators, or textbooks) in reach. ^{[6]
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- Put your phone away or use an anti-distraction app to help.
- Make sure that you have water and a healthy snack (like apple slices or celery with peanut butter) nearby.
- Put a few fidget toys on your desk if you're fidgety.
- Play some of your favorite music without lyrics.
Did You Know? Video game music is designed to aid concentration.^{[7]
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8
Consider scheduling study breaks for some guilt-free relaxation. It's good to give yourself occasional breaks to refresh your brain and refill your water bottle. Choose a study break activity that you really enjoy. If you'd like, set a timer that you can watch to remind you that you get to do something fun soon.
- Setting a time limit on your study breaks (like 15 minutes or 30 minutes) can help you enjoy the time without feeling guilty. This is designated fun time.
- It's okay to delay or skip a study break if you're in the zone. Just tell yourself that you owe yourself a good break later.
9
Reward yourself for a job well done. It's good to have something to look forward to, and it's nice to enjoy your successes. Take time to celebrate after something goes well or after a week of hard work. You've earned it.
- Try planning a small reward for yourself after you've done your daily studying.

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Getting a Healthy Attitude

Reframing your thinking may help you do better (and feel better) at school.

1
Refuse to label yourself negatively. Too many people fall into the trap of thinking that they're worth less just because things aren't going well at the moment. If things are bad, that doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. Start correcting negative self-talk by saying neutral or forgiving statements about yourself instead.^{[8]
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- Instead of "I'm stupid," try "Everyone makes mistakes sometimes" or "this isn't coming easily to me."
- Instead of "I'm lazy," try "I'm struggling" or "I'm still working on getting a good routine."
- Instead of "I'm bad at this," try "this is a difficult subject" or "it's natural to struggle with new concepts."
2
Think of how this helps your big dream come true. What type of life do you want to live after you've finished school? How could what you're learning now improve your ability to live the life you want? Understanding how this work relates to your goals can help you feel motivated to keep going (especially when it's tough).
- "Knowing math will help me understand advanced programming concepts."
- "A home economics class will help me gain independence skills so I can be independent and save enough money to finally get my own dog."
- "While biology isn't my field of choice, it'll be good for me to understand how my body and the world around me works."
- "I won't do art professionally, but I think it would make a nice hobby and it wouldn't hurt to get better at it. I can use these skills to have fun."
- "It's true that calculus won't help me when I'm a psychologist. But studying this will sharpen my mind and help me be smarter, which is always useful."
- "This class may not be very useful to me in the future, but earning a good grade will look good on my transcript and help me get into the engineering school of my choice."
3
Choose to be kind to your future self. If you're struggling with a decision, think about how it'll impact your future self. What will make your life easier and better in the future? Even if you don't want to do everything right now, see if you can at least do something.^{[9]
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- Try to tell yourself "I'll procrastinate tomorrow."
4
Focus on a growth mindset. While some people think of intelligence as a fixed trait, the truth is that real skill comes from practice and a willingness to learn from mistakes.
- Being hard-working is more important than being smart.
- Intelligent people make lots of mistakes. That's how they learn. If you're making mistakes, it's a good sign that you're challenging yourself and getting smarter.
- If you're struggling with a task, that doesn't mean you're stupid. It's probably a difficult task. (Or maybe you need a break or a different approach.)

Community Q&A

Question

How do I gain my mom's trust back after I lied? She is disappointed in me.

AbigailAbernathy

Top Answerer

She may hold this against you for a while. Expect her to think you're lying even if you aren't. Adopt a "never lying" philosophy from this point on. If you are put in a situation where you'd have to lie to her, then don't participate in the activity you know she wouldn't approve of. If you don't do anything where you have to lie, then there's no reason to lie.
Question

What do I do if I got in trouble for being unsafe online, and I don't know how to win their trust back again?

Community Answer

Be responsible and safe. Your parents will trust you again eventually. Until then, do your best to prove you can be mature.
Question

What if they want to send me away?

Community Answer

If they've had enough of your attitude, behavior, etc., you should probably take a break from them; stay with a friend until you've figured out how to get along with your parents. If you've had an argument, the best thing to do is leave them for a while to cool off; go for a walk or stay at a friend's house and then go back the next day and apologize.