How to Make Your Girlfriend Feel Comfortable

Last Updated: April 8, 2021

In order to have a good relationship with your girlfriend, you both need to be comfortable around each other and supportive of one another. Building a stable and loving foundation can create a lasting relationship that is fun and fulfilling. Trust and respect can do wonders for your love life!

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Beginning a Trusting Foundation

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Build trust with her. Make sure that she knows that she can trust you with her secrets, because you can keep them. Tell her some of your secrets too, so she knows that you trust her.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Elvina Lui, MFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 15 March 2019.} If she confides in you, keep whatever is shared between the two of you, so that she can feel safe telling you her feelings and thoughts in the future.^{[2]
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Research source}
2
Be open and honest. Allow yourself to be truthful about your feelings and needs. If you do this, your girlfriend will feel more comfortable coming forward with her expectations in the relationship, and this can strengthen the trust between you both.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Elvina Lui, MFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 15 March 2019.}

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3
Spend quality time with her. Just like getting to know her, the more time you spend with her, the more comfortable she'll be around you. This doesn't mean spending every second of the day with her, but could mean simply going on a date once a week, hanging out at school, eating lunch together, and engaging in other fun activities.
4
Let the relationship progress slowly. If you want to slowly and carefully build a healthy relationship, you can start with a low-key date, such as at a coffee shop. If you want something a bit more engaging, try a round of bowling or mini golf. Avoid the movies for a first date, since this typically leaves little time for conversation before or after the movie.
5
Pay attention to her discomfort. If something is bothering your girlfriend, it is likely that you will pick up on a change in her tone or behavior. Ask her what is wrong, and try to address the matter right away. Feel free to ask her specifically what you can do to make her feel better. She will likely have a simple request or resolution.
- If you show that you can not only solve the issue but also avoid making the same mistake in the future, she will greatly appreciate your presence in her life. Your goal is to become a calming and reliable person for her, so go out of your way to ease any of her pain.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Establishing Boundaries

1
Get to know her. Usually, the more you know someone, the more comfortable you are around them. Get to know her well, and let her get to know you well. This will make your relationship more comfortable for her.
2
Don't embarrass her. There's nothing more embarrassing for a girl than when her boyfriend tells everyone that she's "his," followed by an offensive term, or that he'll "get her in bed tonight." Don't say these things to or about anyone. It's okay to compliment her beauty, but don't make sexual references when you're talking about her looks, as this is embarrassing for girls. Keep your intimate relationship details private, unless she tells you otherwise. Avoid teasing her in front of peers, and never ignore her.^{[4]
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Research source}
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Address any problems or arguments right away.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Elvina Lui, MFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 15 March 2019.} Communication is everything, so if you have an issue with something your girlfriend said or did, it is important to discuss this with her rather than give 'the silent treatment' or treat her in another immature way.
4
Respect her boundaries and physical comfort level. It is possible that your girlfriend is uncomfortable around you simply because she's afraid that you'll force her into doing something she doesn't want to do. This may include anything from kissing, smoking, doing drugs, touching, or having sex to getting tattooed or drinking alcohol. Make sure not to pressure her into doing anything that she may not be ready to do!
5
Ask for permission before getting physical. Never assume that someone is okay with getting physical, even if they had expressed interest at an earlier time. Ask, "Can I give you a hug?" Check in with your girlfriend frequently during sexual activity. Ask, "Is this okay?" and "How does this feel?" If you show that you care and respect her, then she will give honest answers and the trust in your relationship will strengthen.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Navigating Other Friendships

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Introduce her to your friends. Show your enthusiasm for having her in your life by helping to form these connections. Say, "This is an old friend of mine and I am really excited for you two to meet. I think you'll hit it off."
- It is also helpful to connect people through what they may have in common. For instance, say, "This is my friend, Joe, who loves soccer almost as much as you" or "I went to high school with Maya, she has three dogs, so you two can obsess over your love of animals."
2
Ensure that your friends are nice to her. It's always a little uncomfortable for a girl to hang out with her boyfriend's friends (unless she knows them), so make sure that your friends are treating her right. They shouldn't be flirting with her, calling her names, or commenting on her body. This will make your girlfriend feel very uncomfortable in their presence. Do not let your friends use sexist language about other women, as this will make your girlfriend wonder if they speak that way about her behind her back.
- If your friends do something to upset your girlfriend, confront them as soon as possible. Pull them aside and say, "I felt offended by the way you spoke to my girlfriend" or, if you need to be more direct, "I know you thought that was funny, but that wasn't cool." Be firm, but understanding, and keep the conversation focused on how you feel, rather than take an accusatory tone.
3
Prioritize your time with her over other friendships. She'll feel like you are disinterested in her if you spend more time with your other friends than her, and could even suspect that you're trying to cheat on her. Don't send off the wrong signals! Be sure to treat her like a queen so that she feels secure in the relationship.^{[6]
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Avoid flirting with her friends! This will make her feel insecure about your relationship together, and will create an awkward feeling between her and her friend. She should never have to choose between you and her friends.