How to Know if You Fancy Someone

Co-authored by Cher Gopman

Last Updated: December 23, 2021 References

It can sometimes be hard to determine if you have romantic feelings for someone. While it seems like it should be obvious, sometimes feelings develop too gradually for you to notice. Think about your opinion of the person. If you think about them all the time and put them on a pedestal, you may have feelings for them. Also, think about your feelings in general. If you're losing your appetite and frequently have butterflies, you may have romantic feelings for someone. You also may notice you're very passionate when you're interacting with the person and want to be around them all the time.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Considering How You Think about the Person

1
Note if you put them on a pedestal. When you're developing feelings for someone, you don't necessarily see them through an accurate lens. You will find yourself magnifying their good qualities. Ask yourself whether you have a tendency to exaggerate this person's best features in your mind.^{[1]
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- If you fancy someone, you will be enchanted by them. You will find yourself illuminating their good qualities in your mind. You will find that you see this person as unique and special.
- It can help to compare how you feel about the person to how you feel about a friend. With friendship, views tend to be more grounded in reality. While you may admire a friend's kindness, you won't find yourself completely in awe of it. With someone you fancy, however, you may find yourself completely taken with their kindness.
2
Consider how you feel when you are with them. Tuning into your feelings when you are around the person may help you to determine if you really fancy them or not.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.} The next time you are with the person, check in with yourself and consider how you feel.
- Try asking yourself, "What am I feeling? Is it a good feeling? How do I know?"
- For example, you might notice that you feel exhilarated, content, or interested. All of these feelings might indicate that you may fancy the person.
- If you notice that you feel uncomfortable, annoyed, or impatient, then you might not fancy the person.
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3
Pay attention to what reminds you of them. When you have feelings for someone, you will be reminded of them all the time. They will always be on your mind throughout the day. Think how much time you spend thinking about this person. This can help cue you in to how you feel.^{[3]
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- Take note throughout an entire day of when and why you're reminded of them. You may find yourself being reminded of them by seemingly mundane things. For example, every song on the radio will be about them in some way.
- If you're not reminded of the person that often, you may only see them as a friend.
4
Evaluate how often you think about them. When people develop feelings for someone, they can spend a large amount of their time thinking of them. Evaluate your thoughts throughout the course of a single day. Pay attention to how often they drift towards the person in question.^{[4]
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- You may feel like you're obsessed with the person. This is normal. Romantic feelings, especially in the early stages, can feel like obsession.
- You may find you're struggling to concentrate on other things. Instead of paying attention in class, for example, your mind may be wandering to this person.
5
Focus on how you feel about the opinions of others. When you're falling for someone, you will want the people you care about to like them. Think about times your family and friends interacted with this person. Focus on your feelings during these moments.^{[5]
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- Do you watch how this person interacts with friends and family members? Have you asked a close friend or family member what they think of the person?
- If you don't fancy someone, you won't worry as much what others think of them. However, if you have romantic feelings, you will really want the people around you to like this person.
6
Think about whether you miss them. People tend to pine for people they fancy. When you're apart from this person, you may feel very sad. You will find yourself missing their presence in your life and wishing they were around. Even short term separations can cause you to feel sad.^{[6]
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- Keep in mind, however, it is normal to miss longterm friends the same way you might miss someone you're romantically invested in. Consider other factors in addition to missing the person when figuring out if you fancy them.^{[7]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Evaluating Your Feelings

1
Take note of your appetite. Romantic feelings can actually affect appetite. The nerves and dizziness that come with romance may make you lose interest in food. Think about your appetite lately and consider whether or not it's changed.^{[8]
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- You may find yourself simply not interested in food. You may not notice when mealtimes roll around, and may not finish your full plate.
- You may also eat more then you normally eat. But note that this can also happen due to intense Excitement or Boredom or Tiredness
2
Pay attention to your energy level. When you're falling for someone, you will experience a noticeable spike in energy. You may feel an increase in productivity throughout the day. You may not want to sleep at night, and find yourself getting up each morning with much more enthusiasm.^{[9]
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3
See if you have butterflies. If you feel a fluttering in your stomach when you think about the person, you may have feelings for them. Butterflies are a sign of nerves. If you have feelings for someone, your interactions can be more stressful as you want your feelings to be returned. This can result in butterflies.^{[10]
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- You may find yourself experiencing intense butterflies when meeting the person for a social event.
- You may also feel butterflies during casual interactions. You may experience strange sensations in your stomach when you're just texting the person.
4
Think about how in control you are. People often feel as if they're losing control when they're in love. Your thoughts and feelings will be uncontrollable. Even when you try to focus on other things, you will find yourself struggling.^{[11]
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- You also may feel like you're on an emotional roller coaster. You may run through feelings like euphoria and an increased heart rate when you hear from the person. However, when they, say, fail to return a text, you may be filled with anxiety and despair.
5
Evaluate whether you still think about exes. When you're starting to develop feelings for someone new, your thoughts of your exes will lessen. You will no longer find yourself reliving old arguments or feel bitter about former feuds. ^{[12]
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- Try to make yourself think about an ex and evaluate how you feel. Sometimes, there are still lingering feelings of resentment. You may also have an ex you still miss.
- If you used to experience such feelings, and don't anymore, you may be developing feelings for someone new.
6
Note signs of physical attraction.^{[13]
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Expert Source

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.} If you have feelings for someone, you will notice them physically. You may find yourself having thoughts about kissing or touching this person. You may also have dreams of a sexual nature regarding them.
- During interactions, you may act on your feelings of attraction without trying to deliberately. You may, for example, lean in close to the person, touch their arm, or take other steps to get close to them physically.^{[14]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Considering Your Interactions

1
Note the flow of conversation. When you have feelings for someone, talking to them will be easy. This is especially true if the feelings are returned. If your conversations have a natural flow, you may have feelings for the person.^{[15]
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- In other conversations, you may get bored. You may find yourself running out of things to say, or simply disinterested.
- When you have feelings for someone, you will not get tired of hearing them talk. You will be consistently excited by the conversation and the flow will feel natural.
2
Think about how often you talk. When you have feelings for someone, you always want to be talking to them. If you find yourself communicating with this person almost every day, you may have feelings for them.^{[16]
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- You will find you want them to be the first person to hear about interesting occurrences in your life. If you do well on a test in school, they will be the first person you tell.
- Even small things will be communicated to this person. Each time you see something that makes you laugh, for example, you will send them a text.
3
Consider how much of an effort you make to spend time with them. When you have feelings for someone, you will spend a lot of time with them. You will make time in your schedule for them. For example, you may stay in on a Friday to complete a homework assignment just for the chance to see them Saturday.^{[17]
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- You will not feel like you're wasting time with this person. For example, you may spend all afternoon watching TV with them. Normally, you would feel guilty about this. When you like someone, you do not experience feelings of guilt.
- When you fancy someone, you genuinely want to spend time with them. While you may go to certain social events out of a sense of obligation, you never feel obligated to spend time with someone you have feelings for.
4
Evaluate how curious you are about the person. When you're falling for someone, you will find them fascinating. You will want to know every small detail about them, and find yourself asking them a lot of questions.^{[18]
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Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.}^{[19]
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- Even small details will make you smile inside. You may be fascinated, for example, by stories of their first pet or high school job.

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I tell if I have a crush on someone?

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.

Cher Gopman

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Notice how they make you feel. If you're happy when you're around them and you feel like they make you a better person, then you may have a crush on them.