How to Kiss at a Young Age

Co-authored by Eddy Baller

If you are 12-15 years old and are very anxious about kissing another teen, that's okay! These feels are totally normal, and there's no pressure to have your first kiss. Kiss someone when you feel ready and you like the person. When it's time for the kiss, lean in 90% of the way, and let the other person meet you the rest of the way. After the kiss, act normal! Everyone has to have their first kiss at some point, so you don't have to overthink it too much.

Things You Should Know

Flirt with someone in a quiet, private space to make them comfortable and ditch distractions before you go in for the kiss.
Afterwards, compliment them for being a good kisser and keep the conversation going to boost their confidence and avoid awkward silence.
Brush your teeth and apply chapstick beforehand to keep your breath and lips fresh.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Finding Someone to Kiss

1
Get to know someone you think is really neat and interesting. Try to find someone who strikes your interest. Maybe they are very cute, smart, funny, or unique. Chat with this person to build a friendship, and start to flirt with them to show your interest. This could be a kid in your class or someone in your after-school club.^{[1]
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- This may take some time, but you'll be thankful your kiss was with someone you really like.
- To flirt, you can start by joking around, complimenting them, and making eye contact.
2
Notice their body language to tell if they want to kiss you. If your crush likes you, it won't be too hard to notice. Some promising signs of this include frequent smiles, teasing, poking, tickling, or touching. These are good indicators that your crush may be thinking about kissing you too.^{[2]
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- If your crush flips their hair, this may be a sign that they are into you
- If you notice your crush joking with you a lot and trying to make you laugh, they may want to kiss you too.
- It's always a good idea to think it a kiss is appropriate for the time and the moment before going in for it.^{[3]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Maya Diamond, MA
  Relationship Coach
  Expert Interview. 17 January 2019.}
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3
Kiss someone when you feel ready, regardless of how old you are. Around ages 12-15, people often start having their first kiss. Don't feel pressured by other people your age kissing people, and don't rush into kissing someone if you are apprehensive. You'll know intuitively when the time feels right.^{[4]
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- It's perfectly normal to have butterflies in your stomach or feel nervous at the thought of kissing someone.
- If someone wants to kiss you but you aren't ready, say something like, “Sorry, I don't want to yet,” or “Sorry, I would love to kiss you, but I'm not ready for that right now."^{[5]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Maya Diamond, MA
  Relationship Coach
  Expert Interview. 17 January 2019.}
- A lot of people don't feel safe or comfortable kissing on the first date. This is perfectly normal and you don't have to feel guilty about it.^{[6]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Maya Diamond, MA
  Relationship Coach
  Expert Interview. 17 January 2019.}
4
Play kissing games with your friends if you can't find a partner. Another way to find someone to kiss is to play games like Truth or Dare and Spin the Bottle. You can kiss someone at random or have a friend try to help you hook up with a hottie. Many people start kissing by playing games with their friends, so give this a shot if you want to kiss someone.^{[7]
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- For example, tell your friend that you want to kiss someone in particular, and then they can dare the person to kiss you during Truth or Dare.
- If you play these games, know that you may wind up kissing someone. Be comfortable with the kiss before you play.

Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Softening Your Lips and Getting Good Breath

1
Brush your teeth prior to the kiss so your breath is fresh. If you have bad breath, it may make the kiss unpleasant. To prevent this, brush your teeth 2 times a day for 2 minutes. If you know you have a kiss planned, brush your teeth before you see the other person.^{[8]
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- You can also use mouthwash for extra-fresh breath. Swish the mouthwash around for 30 seconds or so.
- To freshen your breath throughout the day, use chewing gum or breath mints.
2
Use chapstick regularly to get rid of dry skin. To get kissably smooth lips, you can put on chapstick 1-3 times throughout the day. Chapstick hydrates your lips and gets rid of dry skin, so your lips will be smooth and ready for a kiss.^{[9]
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- For example, put on chapstick after you brush your teeth in the morning and/or right before you go to bed.
3
Avoid applying lip gloss right before the kiss so there's no mess. While lipgloss can make your lips look shiny and kissable, it also can make a big, sticky mess if you wear it while kissing. If you are planning a kiss, go without wearing lip gloss that day.^{[10]
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- You can also wipe it off before the kiss for another option.

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Making the Move

1
Choose a private or semi-private space where you won't be distracted. Ideally, try to find a place without many people around so you can focus solely on the kiss. This can be outside of your school, in a park, at the mall, or at a house, for instance.^{[11]
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- Avoid kissing during school. This is considered “public display of affection” and you can get in trouble.
- Don't kiss with you or the other person's parents/guardian(s) around. Since you're still a teenager, they may not find this acceptable.
2
Flirt with them so they are more comfortable. If the other person seems nervous, do your best to make them feel relaxed. You can look into the other person's eyes and smile, tell them a funny story or joke, or tease them about a silly comment.^{[12]
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Expert Source

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.}
- This breaks the ice and makes the kiss seem less intimidating.
- For example, say something like, "You have really pretty eyes," or "I really like that shirt," to compliment them.
- You can tell a silly knock-knock joke such as, "Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" "Al!" "Al who?" "Al give you a kiss if you open this door!"
3
Move your face slowly, aiming to get 90% of the way to their lips. When it's time for the kiss, look your partner in the eyes, and tilt your head the opposite way of your partner. Slowly bring your mouth toward theirs, and close your eyes when you get close.^{[13]
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Expert Source

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.} Instead of going all the way in for the kiss, stop when you get about 1 in (2.5 cm) or so away so they can reciprocate.^{[14]
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- If you move your head in the same direction as your partner, you may bump heads.
4
Let them come the other 10% of the way to ensure they want to kiss you. Wait a brief second for your partner to bring their lips to yours. This way, you know for sure that they want to kiss you too. This is also a fun, flirty way to make the kiss less awkward.^{[15]
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- If you notice the other person pulling away, stop and apologize. It's okay if they aren't comfortable with the kiss yet. Say something like, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."
5
Press your lips forward with light pressure when you touch lips. To enjoy the kiss, pucker your lips slightly when your partner kisses you back, and let the kiss continue for 2-5 seconds or so. Your partner may not like it if you kiss them too forcefully.^{[16]
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- This doesn't have to be a long, drawn-out kiss, as that may make it more awkward than it already may be.

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Ending the Kiss

1
Avoid going for the tongue during the first kiss. Aim to deliver a quick, sweet kiss rather than using tongue or a lot of pressure. Then, move your head away from theirs. Using tongue may seem sloppy or extra awkward since you are new to kissing.^{[17]
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- When you kiss at a young age, this is all you need to worry about. Over time, you can develop your make-out skills.
- Avoid aggressive kissing, as shoving your tongue down someone else's mouth isn't really a great idea.^{[18]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Maya Diamond, MA
  Relationship Coach
  Expert Interview. 17 January 2019.}
2
Compliment the other person to boost their confidence. After you kiss the other person, you can also say something like “Wow, that was great,” “You're a good kisser,” or “I enjoyed that.” This reassures the other person that you like them and enjoyed the moment, and it also acts as a transition back into other conversation.^{[19]
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- You can also say, “Can I kiss you again?” before going in for another smooch.
3
Keep the conversation going after the kiss so it's not awkward. To ease you and/or your partner's anxiety, aim to have a natural conversation. If you were discussing your weekend plans, ask your partner a question about it, for instance. You can also bring up a new topic to chat about, such as your upcoming sports game.^{[20]
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- If you or your partner are quiet after the kiss, you may feel more uncomfortable or start to doubt the kiss.
- The amount of time to chat for depends on your particular situation. For example, if you kissing someone while saying goodbye and now have to leave, chat for 1-5 minutes or so then politely excuse yourself.
- If you are playing a kissing game, simply return to the game and let the next player take their turn.