How to Get a Kiss in Middle School

Co-authored by Eddy Baller

Last Updated: July 28, 2022 References

Finding Someone to Kiss

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Kissing Tips

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Kissing Games

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Q&A

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Tips

Middle school is the time when students really start hanging out together, and it’s also a time when lots of kids experience their first love. But with these new feelings of interest come lots of fears and worries about things like dating, finding things to talk about, going steady, and above all, kissing. Having your first kiss is something you shouldn’t rush if you aren't ready, but if you are ready and are excited about it, there are some things you can do to get a kiss from your crush.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Finding Someone to Kiss

1
Think of someone you might want to be your partner. Most of the kissing that happens in middle school happens either between kids who are dating, or kids who are playing kissing games. To find a partner:
- Think about people you already know that you might have some special feelings for. Telltale signs that you like someone include being nervous or shy around them, getting excited when you think about that person or see them in the halls, and wanting to spend lots of time together.^{[1]
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- Sometimes people don’t find love interests among their friends, and if this happens to you, be open to trying new activities where you might meet new people, such as after-school activities, youth programs, and camps.
- If somebody asks you out, don’t be afraid to say yes, even if you aren't sure you like the person. Sometimes it just takes getting to know somebody to find you have a real connection.
2
Figure out if that person likes you back. It’s not necessary to know this, but it can be a real confidence booster if you think the person you like feels the same way. It will also make it a lot easier to ask someone out if you think they like you too. If somebody likes you, that person might:^{[2]
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- Act nervous around you
- Show off in front of you
- Find common interests with you
- Like lots of things you do on Facebook and Twitter
- Message and text you often
- Steal glances at you in class, in the halls, or when you're out together
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3
Ask the person out. You can't always wait around for love to find you, and sometimes you have to go out and grab it by the horns. If the person you're interested in doesn’t happen to ask you out, take the initiative and do the asking. This can be a really scary thing to do, but sometimes putting yourself out there is the only way you'll get what you want.
- Chew some gum or pop a mint in your mouth before you ask so that your breath is minty and fresh.
- Find a time to ask the person when you two have a moment alone together, and that way neither of you will feel pressure from friends.
- Keep it casual, don’t be nervous, and don’t make a big deal about it. Say something like, “Hey, I was wondering if you would like to see a movie together sometime?” Or, “I was thinking that maybe if your free we could possibly hangout?!”
- Make sure you ask in person: don’t send a note, and don’t make a friend ask for you.^{[3]
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4
Start slow. Getting a partner can be as easy as saying yes when someone asks you out or asking someone out who says yes. But once you get together with somebody, it’s important to start out slow. This means:
- Taking time to talk and learn new things about each other.
- Holding hands sometimes.
- Doing things together a couple times a week, like going bowling, playing together at recess, or having lunch or dinner together.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Kissing Tips

1
Figure out if you're ready to kiss. Knowing when you're ready to take big steps in life can be hard, and kissing someone for the first time is one of those big steps. If you're wondering if you're ready to kiss someone, ask yourself:^{[4]
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- Do you think about kissing this person a lot?
- Do you have strong feelings for this person?
- Are you comfortable around this person?
- Does the thought of kissing this person make you happy and excited?
- If you answered yes to all or most of these questions, you’re likely ready to kiss that special someone!
2
Signal that you're ready to be kissed. When you're ready to experience a kiss with your partner, there are two things you can do: either wait to be kissed, or initiate the kiss yourself. If you'd rather wait to be kissed, there are ways you can show that you're ready, including:
- When you hug, hold on a little tighter than usual, and rest your head on your partner’s shoulder
- Make lots of eye contact
- Smile a lot
- Try to find excuses to get close
- Touch your hair, as this is a sign of flirting
3
Pay attention to your partner’s signals. You can also choose to initiate the kiss yourself, and there are signs you can look for that will demonstrate that your partner is ready to kiss as well.^{[5]
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- Making eye contact with you
- Making excuses to get close or touch you
- Complimenting you often
- Blushing or laughing a lot around you
- Chewing gum all the time
4
Find the right time and place. Sharing a kiss is something that most people like to do in private, so finding the right time to kiss can be important. For instance, when you pass in the hall in between classes probably isn't the best time to do it! There are lots of places where first kisses happen, including:^{[6]
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- Bowling alleys
- At the movies
- A school dance
- On a school trip
- At camp
- On the bus
5
Muster your courage. Kissing somebody can make you really nervous, but it’s important to stay as calm as you can, in order to avoid sweating excessively, throwing up, or getting too scared and not going through with it. Ways you can keep calm are:
- Have a plan about when and where you're going to do it.
- Don’t rush yourself. If you aren't actually ready, you might feel extremely nervous before a kiss, and this could be your brain’s way of saying you aren't ready.
- Don’t make too big a deal out of it. When you're going to do something that scares you, it can be easy to make it seem like a much bigger deal than it is, and this can make you even more nervous! Have your plan ready and then keep your mind off the kiss until you're ready to do it.
6
Ask your partner for a kiss. Figuring out what another person wants based on signals is hard, and it’s easy to misinterpret what people want just based on body language. To avoid making a mistake, simply ask your partner before going in for the kiss.
- You can say something like, “May I kiss you?” or “How about we kiss now?”
- Don’t worry about thinking that asking might ruin the mood. Your partner will appreciate that you're being respectful and considerate, and that you want the moment to be special for you both.
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Kiss your partner. When the time comes and you're both ready, just go for it! Sit or stand close enough that you can reach your partner without straining. Look your partner in the eye and tilt your head to one side. If your partner tilts to the other side, close your eyes and lean in for the kiss.
- Pucker your lips slightly, and with your mouth closed, press your lips against your partner’s gently but firmly.^{[7]
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- You want to close your eyes before the kiss because keeping your eyes open can give the impression that you're dishonest.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Kissing Games

1
Play a game of spin the bottle. Playing a kissing game at a party can be a good way to get a kiss. This method also works if you're trying to get a kiss from a crush that you don’t think feels the same way about you. To play spin the bottle:
- Gather a group of at least four to six people, and get everyone to sit in a circle.
- Place an empty bottle in the center of the circle.^{[8]
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- Draw straws, pick the oldest person, or find some other way to determine who goes first. The person who goes first will spin the bottle. When the bottle stops the tip will be pointing at someone, and the spinner has to kiss that person.
- The person who got kissed spins next, and so the game continues.
2
Play seven minutes in heaven. Seven minutes is another kissing game, but in this one, the two people selected to kiss are sent to a closet alone together for seven minutes. During their time in the closet, it is expected that the two people will be kissing.
- Sit everyone in a circle and place a bottle in the center.
- Have somebody spin the bottle. When the bottle stops, the tip will be facing one person and the end will be pointing to another.
- Those two people are sent to the closet for seven minutes. When they emerge, the bottle is spun again and the game continues.
3
Play suck and blow. In this game, a piece of paper is passed around a circle from person to person via the mouth, and nobody is allowed to use their hands. To play this game:^{[9]
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- Sit all the players in a circle. Usually, players arrange themselves in a boy-girl-boy-girl pattern.
- Take a small piece of paper, such as a business card. The player who starts will press the paper up to his or her mouth, suck air in through the mouth to hold the paper in place, and remove the hands.
- The player with the paper then turns to the person on the left, and presses the paper onto the mouth of that person. As they connect, the person passing the paper exhales to release the paper, and the person who’s accepting the paper sucks air in to secure the paper to the mouth.
- The paper gets passed around the circle in this way, and the idea is that when the paper gets dropped by accident, the two people passing it will end up kissing.

Community Q&A

Question

What if my partner changes his mind just before he is about to kiss me? How do I react?

Community Answer

He's probably just not ready yet. Try to be calm and respect his feelings, and don't take it personally. Tell him it's okay and you'll take that step when you're both ready.