How to Kiss a Shy Boyfriend

Co-authored by Eddy Baller

Last Updated: January 26, 2021 References

For some guys, no matter how much they like you, gathering the nerves to kiss you can prove to be a difficult feat. And although initiating a kiss is not most girls’ forte, with shy guys, making the first move has to become second nature. Meet your shy boyfriend halfway and take the lead when the two of you finally kiss for the first time.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Initiating a Kiss

1
Start a normal conversation based on a topic that you both enjoy. This will help him feel comfortable and start to relax. During this time, occasionally hold his hand or move a little closer in order to build up the romance. Keep your movements slightly obvious, but stay casual so he doesn't start to get scared.
- If you see your boyfriend start to shy away, this might be a sign that he is getting uncomfortable. You also could be moving things a little too fast. Upon seeing this, wait a little bit before approaching the move again.
- If you see your boyfriend repeating the moves you’ve made, keep the conversation going and keep him comfortable as you build up to the kiss.
2
Initiate physical contact. Physical contact is often the first barrier that needs to be broken in order to proceed to that first kiss. Once a little touching has happened between you two, the rest is written. Bring the two of you together in a physical way.^{[1]
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- Hold his hand while you’re enjoying time together, riding around in a car or walking to class. Lean on him while you hold his hand or while you’re having a meal together.
- Hug him every chance you get to work your way up to kissing. Soon greeting each other as hugs will evolve to greeting each other with kisses.
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3
Get close to him and slowly start to lean in for the kiss. If he leans into you as well, he will most likely take the lead. Allow everything to flow normally after that, and don't back out. Touch his face or his hair to create a sweet intimate bridge in the air between you two.^{[2]
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- Use your hand on his face to gently tilt his face towards yours to pull him into you.
- Take the next step and close your eyes to move in for the kiss.
4
Kiss your boyfriend. Give him soft kisses a few times, starting the kisses off to a slow, gentle start. Move the kiss up a level by transitioning into a lip lock. His top lip will be on top of yours and his bottom lips slightly above your bottom lip as you lock together.^{[3]
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- Continue to gently kiss and vary the movement slightly by sucking on his lower lip in a teasing way. If things get hotter as you kiss, encourage some tongue by running yours lightly over his lips. He’ll respond by opening his mouth slightly and your tongue will be able to stroke and massage his.
- Put your hands on his shoulders or make things more passionate by pulling him close and framing his face in the palms of your hands as you kiss him. You can also put your hands in his hair to pull him into you even further.
- If the heat proves too much for him too quickly and he pulls away instead of pressing himself closer, back things up a little and return to the soft, gentle kisses you initiated the kiss with.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Giving Hints that You Want a Kiss

1
Make sure he knows how much you like him. Sometimes the way to give a shy guy a little push is to let him know how much you like him. Let him know regularly that you like him, laugh at his jokes, smile when he’s around, make sure that he sees how much you genuinely enjoy him and his company.^{[4]
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- Shyness is directly related to a lack of confidence, so by instilling confidence in his position in your life by showing him that enjoy his company and that you value him in your life, he will be more likely to feel more confident with where he stands with you in the end.
- If your guy isn’t good at picking up nonverbal cues, it might be necessary to actually say to him every once in a while that you like him. If he says something funny, laugh genuinely, and then end it by saying, “Wow, I really like you” with a smile.
2
Perfect your pout. Send visual cues that you want to be kissed by taking special care of your lips. Full kissable lips can be very alluring to your boyfriend.^{[5]
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- Exfoliate your lips regularly by rubbing wet sugar against them in gentle circles. Keep them moisturized by applying a lip balm or gloss.
- Avoid wearing lipstick in moments you want to kiss your man. Lipstick can be a great way to show off your lips, but sometimes makes guys afraid to kiss you in public because the lipstick will be on their lips. If you insist on wearing lipstick, try a nude lip or something matte, since it’s less likely to transfer during kissing.
3
Give him direct eye contact. Eyes can be one of the most power indicators of attraction and desire. Look into his eyes to show how engaged you are in him and his conversation. He’ll want what you want in no time at all.^{[6]
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- When the two of you make eye contact, briefly bite your lip to bring attention to that area on your face, look at his mouth, and then return to his gaze.
- A more subtle way to give the hint that you want to be kissed is just to smile flirtatiously while you maintain eye contact with him.^{[7]
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4
Stare at his lips. While you’re talking to him, send a subliminal message that you’re thinking about kissing his lips by looking at his mouth as he talks to you. Make it a point to drop your stare from his eyes to his lips to exude longing.^{[8]
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- Smile with your eyes as you look from his eyes to his lips and then back repeatedly.
- Build anticipation between you two for the big moment by making sure that he notices how longingly you’re looking at his mouth.
5
Ask him if you can kiss him. Sometimes you can set the mood, give hints, and try to initiate things, but things still don’t pay off with a kiss. Sometimes the best move is to be direct and initiate your kiss by being straightforward with your boyfriend about what you want.
- Express to him how much you have wanted to have a kiss from him. You can also ask him if he can kiss you if you prefer him to be the one who leads the kiss. Say something like, “I really like you and am ready to take things a step further by kissing you. I want to show you how you make me feel.”
- If he doesn’t seem interested in fulfilling your needs, even when you express them plainly, you might have to consider how long you’re willing to be patient with his shyness. If you’ve reached your breaking point, break up with him and find someone who is dying to kiss you.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Setting the Mood

1
Dress up for your boyfriend. Most men are visual creatures so one surefire way to get him into a romantic mood is dressing the part. They are wired to be turned on by visual cues, so start the night off right by wearing something that supports the mood you’re going for that night.^{[9]
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- Even if you’re dressing up for him, try to be as true to yourself as possible. If you’re not comfortable in sky-high heels or feel like going too formal feels contrived, go for something simple.
- Dressing up for your man doesn’t necessarily mean you have to dress sexily. Dressing up just means wearing something you don’t wear on a daily basis. Wear a simple dress, skirt, or high waisted pleated trousers. Own your look by being confident. He’ll appreciate the effort and the change of pace visually will be exciting for him.
2
Go somewhere private where you know there won't be a lot of people. This way, it'll set the mood, and your boyfriend will most likely feel more comfortable. Refrain from attempting to kiss him in public, for he'll feel more vulnerable and might be too shy to respond to you the way he'd like to.^{[10]
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- The movies are a very public place, but can be private because of how dark it is in there. It can be very intimate if you take advantage of its potential for seclusion.
- Take him on a walk around the park and find a quiet bench hidden by trees to find your romance in.
3
Plan a romantic night out. A great way to ignite the spark for an intimate moment is by setting the mood with a romantic night out or even one that’s in. Great food can be a great prelude to kissing because both things involve the mouth.^{[11]
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- The most important components of your romantic night is to have good food to eat somewhere secluded with low lights. Don’t feel pressured to make plans at a decadent restaurant.
- If a romantic night out is not in your budget, have a romantic night in. Use the dining room, make him a meal, turn down the lights, and light some candles to create the tone for the night.
4
Play a game of sexual tension. Use your romantic dinner as a way to implement some sexual tension to illicit his desire to kiss you. Have him close his eyes, get close enough to him that he can smell you, and feed him some of the food you’ve ordered or made.^{[12]
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- Use this game to warm him up for what you have planned later. The intimacy of feeding him plus him feeling you so close to him will charge the tension in the air and send his pulse racing.
- If he doesn’t seem open to being fed, try to be intimate in other ways. Be straightforward and enjoy a conversation where you show him that it’s safe to feel safe. A deep conversation is a great step in the right direction of making him feel comfortable with you.

Expert Q&A
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Question

How do you hint you want to kiss?

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Eddy Baller is a Dating Coach and the Owner of a dating consulting and coaching service, Conquer and Win, based in Vancouver, Canada. Coaching since 2011, Eddy specializes in confidence building, advanced social skills, and relationships. Conquer and Win helps men worldwide have the love lives they deserve. His work has been featured in The Art of Manliness, LifeHack, and POF among others.

Eddy Baller

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Direct eye contact is a really good signal that you want to kiss someone. It may feel awkward to hold someone's gaze for a second, but just lean into that feeling. Your partner will probably understand after a second and lean in, too.
Question

What if he closes his eyes and kisses you?

Community Answer

That's exactly the response or initiation you want! Good job!
Question

Well, my boyfriend is kind of shy, but also a little confident. Do you think this might work?

Community Answer

Definitely, give it a shot!

Warnings

Don't be too passionate. This may overwhelm him because he is shy. Bring him into more passionate kissing gradually.

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Don't be shy. This will cause major awkwardness and no one wants that! One partner has to be able to take the confident approach and by default, that has to be you.

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Don't tell him his breath stinks. Suggest that he have some gum whenever you take a piece for yourself.

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