How to Invite a Girl to Hang out over the Phone Without Her Thinking You're Asking Her Out

Sometimes you just want to hang out with someone. Unfortunately, calling a girl and creating plans can get complicated quickly, especially if she may be interested in being more than just friends. However, it is possible to make a platonic phone call if you act friendly, not flirty, and keep your plans low-key.

Method 1
Method 1 of 3:

Arranging Non-Romantic Plans

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    Call early. As a general rule, don’t call when she could be asleep. Avoid the hours of 9pm to 9am. Dates and hook-ups generally occur in the evening, so staying out of that time frame puts your conversation in more of a friend zone.[1]
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    Keep it brief. Spend a maximum of ten minutes on the phone. Time is an investment and if you spend too much of it on a new friend they may get the impression that they mean something more to you.
    • It may help to make this first phone call on the way to somewhere else. Then, you could end the call by saying, “Okay, I’ve got to go I just arrived at the gym. See you on Monday.”
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    Keep it routine. Suggest meeting up for an everyday event at a place that is not exclusive and laidback in atmosphere. You want to go for the opposite of a first date setting, especially for your initial time hanging out.[2]
    • If you want her to come over to your place and hang out, maybe say, "Hey! My girlfriend hates football and I'm about to watch the game, want to hang out? I hate to cheer alone."
    • If a girl offers to drop everything and free up her schedule, don't accept as this is a potentially romantic gesture on her part. You might respond, “I know that you are super busy and I am too. Let’s just hang out in an off time.”[3]
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    Avoid spending extra money. If you are going to a movie, tell her that you will meet her inside the theatre. This makes it necessary for you each to buy your own ticket. Paying for her or her paying for you creates additional investment in the relationship that you may not want or be ready for.[4]
    • However, if you were already going to order a pizza and she comes over, don't worry if she doesn't chip in.
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    Travel separately. Meet up at your hang out location and do not offer to pick her up unless absolutely necessary. Staying platonic comes down to keeping boundaries clearly drawn and maintained.[5]
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:

Keeping the Conversation Platonic

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    Stay friendly. Open the call by saying, “Hi" or "Hey, how are you doing?" Use words that conjure up friendship rather than love interest. Depending on the culture of your area “friend” terms might include mate, pal, best friend, chum, etc.
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    Listen for romantic language. If she calls you pet names such as “baby” or “sweetie” you may have to tell her that you are not comfortable with that. One way you can do this is via humor. You could say, “Hmmm, I'm not really ready for sweetie. Just Mark is good for me.”
    • Some girls will assume that “hanging out” actually means dating, so be cautious when you use that phrase.[6]
    • Avoid using the word “date” in any context. For example, instead of saying, “It's a date” go with,"Sounds good. See you in a bit."
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    Be honest. If she asks if you are setting up a date, tell her “no” in a gentle way. It is best to be straightforward early on in your friendship about each of your expectations. Tell her, “It's my loss. I’m just not interested in us being more than friends.”[7]
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    Avoid flirting and taboo topics. Be careful giving compliments and don’t talk about overly personal topics such as the body, dating, etc. Again, this sets the boundaries of your friendship within platonic subjects like sports.[8]
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:

Emphasizing the Social Aspect

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    Discuss other friends or your girlfriend. Tell her about the other people that you hang out with. Describe them and why you enjoy about being around them. This will take some of the pressure and focus off of the two of you.[9]
    • You could also draw a flattering comparison between a girl and another friend by saying, “You remind me of Sarah, she has always been a blast to hang out with.”
    • Asking her for advice about a romantic situation can also help keep things platonic. You could say something like "I think you have great energy and I'd love to get your opinion. What would you want a guy to do for you on a first date?"
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    Ask her to invite someone along. Make it clear that your philosophy is the more the merrier. Tell her that she can arrange things or that she can pass your number along. Or, offer to invite some of your friends.
    • If you want her to come to your house, tell her that your brother and parents will be home too. This lets her know that she is coming over just to watch the game, for example, and not for anything else.
    • Sixty-five percent of men and women between 18-54 years old expressed some confusion as to what an actual date looked like. Adding other people into the mix defines the difference between a platonic or romantic outing.[10]
    • You can also make your platonic intentions clear by inviting her along as your "wing woman." You could say "It's singles' night at this bar and I need a wing woman. Are you in?"
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    Act excited about expanding your friend circle. A girl will often echo your excitement about any opportunity to extend her friend network and make new acquaintances.[11]
    • You could even play matchmaker and say, “I can’t wait for you to meet everyone. Some of my guy friends will be particularly interested to meet you.”
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Community Q&A

  • Question
    If the girl always hangs out with her friends and is never alone in the class then how do I make her my girlfriend?
    Community Answer
    Community Answer
    The first thing to do is to get her number. Usually, some girls enjoy male attention more than from another female. Go up to her and ask for her number and say you need help in a subject that she is pretty good at. Then build a friendship. She should trust you before she dates you, otherwise there will be no base to your relationship. Then follow the steps here on how to get a girl to be your girlfriend.
  • Question
    What to do if a friend hangs out once, but refuses your invitation at other times?
    Community Answer
    Community Answer
    If you enjoyed spending time with this friend it is best to be persistent and patient. Keep asking them out to various events that you enjoy and that you think they will as well. You might ask them what activities they like to do and see if you can arrange something in that vein. Your friend also may be particularly busy or distracted right now.
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Warnings

  • Be careful not to automatically assume that a girl is interested in dating you just because she is a girl. In fact, men are more likely to assume mutual romantic attraction than women.[12]
    ⧼thumbs_response⧽
  • If a girl continues to act romantically, or even jealously, consider your well-being and decide if it is worthwhile to stay in contact.[13]
    ⧼thumbs_response⧽
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References

  1. ↑ http://www.glamour.com/story/readers-dilemma-what-time-is-t
  2. ↑ https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2015/06/22/the-secret-to-a-successful-first-date-location-location-location/
  3. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/the-wing-girls-/7-tips-for-getting-out-of_b_4066968.html
  4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201112/escape-the-friend-zone-friend-girlfriend-or-boyfriend
  5. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/eric-fluckey/does-the-friend-zone-work_b_7845910.html
  6. ↑ http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/13/fashion/the-end-of-courtship.html
  7. ↑ http://darlingmagazine.org/the-hangout-vs-the-date-2/
  8. ↑ http://verilymag.com/2015/10/relationships-hanging-out-ambiguity-friendship-romance-dating
  9. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/barbara-greenberg/4-reasons-why-your-teens-need-opposite-sex-friends_b_8683140.html
  1. ↑ http://jezebel.com/no-one-knows-if-its-a-date-or-not-anymore-1505895944
  2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201304/can-men-and-women-be-just-friends
  3. ↑ http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/men-and-women-cant-be-just-friends/
  4. ↑ http://blogs.webmd.com/art-of-relationships/2015/04/can-men-and-women-be-just-friends.html

About This Article

Imad Jbara
Co-authored by:
Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
This article was co-authored by Imad Jbara. Imad Jbara is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Imad services 100+ clients, men and women, to improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills. He has a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth. This article has been viewed 61,902 times.
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Co-authors: 13
Updated: June 17, 2022
Views: 61,902
Categories: Friends
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