How to Initiate a First French Kiss

Last Updated: February 20, 2023 References

A French kiss is a passionate and romantic kiss that two people share, but it can be nerve-racking to initiate the first one if you’ve never kissed the person before, and especially if this is your first kiss ever! You might have lots of questions about what to do, what not to do, and how to do things right. But the good news is that there really isn't a right or wrong way to French kiss, and it’s all about what feels good for you and your partner. Always remember to set the mood first, as that is one of the most important parts of initiating a kiss.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Creating Intimacy

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Get close. A French kiss shouldn’t just come out of nowhere. It should happen naturally at a time when two people are sharing an intimate and private moment together, and that means being physically close.^{[1]
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Research source} To help set the mood, start by finding a way to be alone with the person so you can get close without other people hanging around and interrupting.
- If you two are at a party, go for a walk or find somewhere quiet that you can talk.
- If you're hanging out together, sit down beside the person on a couch, chair, or bench.
2
Use your body language to flirt. You can tell your partner that you're interested without saying anything at all. Your partner will subconsciously pick up on your subtle cues, and this will indicate your attraction and desire. You can drop these hints by:^{[2]
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- Parting your lips slightly and licking them
- Smoothing down your hair or clothing
- Raising your eyebrows slightly as your partner talks
- Touching your face frequently
- Orienting your entire body toward your partner^{[3]
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  Connell Barrett
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.}
- Smile a lot
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Make frequent eye contact.^{[4]
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Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} Eye contact is another powerful element of body language, and when two people are physically close to each other and make frequent eye contact, this will raise the level of intimacy between them.^{[5]
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Research source} Frequent eye contact will indicate your attraction, and help you assess whether the chemistry you feel is reciprocated.
- For instance, if your partner keeps looking away instead of making eye contact, it’s possible that person is just nervous, but it might also be a sign of lack of interest.
- On the other hand, if your partner keeps locking eyes with you, this is a good sign that whatever you're feeling is definitely mutual!
4
Brush the person’s cheek. This gentle and sensual touch will establish a physical connection between the two of you, and make the kiss much easier.^{[6]
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Research source} Make sure you gage how the person reacts:
- Leaning in or pressing into your hand is a sign of interest that says your gesture is welcome.
- Pulling away is a sign that physical contact isn't welcome.
5
Grab some gum or mints. Don’t forget to offer some to your partner. Not only will this ensure fresh breath and a pleasant kiss, but it’s also another great way to subtly suggest that you plan on going in for a kiss.
- It’s always a good idea to brush your teeth before going to a party, out with friends, or on a date, because having a clean mouth is very important for a pleasurable kiss.^{[7]
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Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Going in for the Kiss

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Lean in.^{[8]
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Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} Sit or stand close enough that you can touch without having to shuffle closer. Look your partner in the eyes, tilt your head slightly to one side and lean in toward the other person’s face.^{[9]
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- Don’t lean in too quickly, as this could make you seem nervous and over-eager, but it could also lead to bumped heads.
- However, don’t go in too slowly either, as this could make you seem uncertain.
2
Initiate the kiss. If your partner also tilts their head and leans in toward you as well, this is a sign that you should have the confidence to go for the kiss! Just before your lips meet, close your eyes, as this gives the impression that you're honest and sincere.^{[10]
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- Keep your mouth closed at this point. Slightly pucker your lips and use firm but delicate pressure to press your lips against your partner’s.^{[11]
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3
Open your mouth slightly. Once you’ve gotten comfortable brushing each other’s lips, you can introduce a bit of tongue to the kiss. Open your mouth a little wider and give your partner a moment to adjust and reciprocate.
- With your tongue, gently graze your partner’s lips. If your partner’s mouth is now open as well, delicately use your tongue to explore the inside of their lips and tip of their tongue.
- Use gentle pressure when you do this, and try to keep your tongue moving.^{[12]
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- Don’t open your mouth too wide, and don’t stick your tongue too far into your partner’s mouth.^{[13]
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4
Recognize if the person isn't interested. French kissing can get pretty hot and heavy, and it’s ok to take things slowly. Don’t be angry if you feel like your partner is uncomfortable or wants to slow down. Signs that your partner might want to slow down or stop include:^{[14]
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- Not opening their mouth or not using their tongue
- Not reciprocating your actions
- Pulling away or avoiding contact
- Showing signs of discomfort or stress

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Practicing Advanced Kissing Techniques

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Experiment with your tongue a little. Once you and your partner get used to the basics, you can try out some more advanced French kissing techniques when you're both ready. You don’t have to do this all in the same makeout session though, so feel free to take your time!^{[15]
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- With your tongue, make slow and deliberate circular motions around your partner’s tongue.
- Use the tip of your tongue to gently flick the tip of your partner’s tongue, and then pull your tongue back to give your partner a chance to do the same to you.
2
Try a few gentle nibbles. While you have to be careful not to actually bite your partner, you can try a few seductive moves by gently nibbling or sucking your partner’s tongue and lips.^{[16]
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- Always use very gentle pressure when nibbling, and try to remain calm so you don’t get excited and bite too hard.
- When you're French kissing, incorporate all these techniques at different times so that your tongues and lips are always moving, touching, and intertwining.
3
Incorporate your hands. When you and your partner are ready, you can also include gentle caressing into your kissing, such as putting your hands on their hips or back.^{[17]
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- Start slowly: try putting your hand on your partner’s face or neck and holding it there for a moment.
- If your partner seems ok with the extra physical contact, move your hand slowly down their back and to the hips.
- Don’t move quickly, but keep your hands moving and exploring, as long as your partner doesn’t become uncomfortable.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do I know when to initiate a kiss?

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach."

Connell Barrett

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Wait until a time where you're alone and have a good opportunity. Make a lot of eye contact and smile at each other to show your interest. When you feel ready, lean in closer to start the kiss.