How to Get over Your Lesbian Crush on a Straight Best Friend

Consider the risk of letting her know. Before you act hastily, this is a good question to think about. Think: if she doesn't already know or sense that you have feelings for her, telling her may make her feel your relationship is "unbalanced." She may feel a burden knowing that you feel something for her that she doesn't return. If she's uncomfortable knowing, it may make your friendship impossible. Another thing you should probably do, is check if she's homophobic, or uncomfortable with homosexuality. You should also take into account whether or not she knows your sexual orientation. So there's a risk involved in making your feelings known to her; consider carefully if you want to take that risk.

Set boundaries. Making sure you have clear guidelines in place for avoiding "bittersweet moments" will be key to getting over your feelings for your bestie. Having lots of chats about her love life, her feelings, etc., can really melt your heart - you listen to her problems and sigh thinking, "If only she felt that way about me." Does it make you feel more protective of her? Probably. Is it a good idea to have lots of sleepovers while having those "sensitive chats"? Probably not. More contact, more time together, especially in more intimate settings, means more chances that you will not be able to control your feelings. If you lose control, you may lose your friend. Stay in control by setting those boundaries.

• Example: Your Boundary: When you're feeling more for her, you will try to put a little space between you. The Situation: She invites you to sleep over, but you realize that lately you're struggling to keep your feelings of jealousy and longing under control. Instead of automatically agreeing to the sleepover, tell her that you can't this time (you don't even need to give a reason, but if pressed, just say your mom has laid down the law and wants you home this weekend), but that you'll do it soon. This way, you're not saying you will never sleep over, you're just giving yourself a chance to tone your feelings down.

Spend time with other friends! It's hard to get over someone when she is the only person you ever hang out with! Spread your time among others - chances are you've neglected your other friends since you and your bestie have been spending so much (too much, maybe?) time together (and maybe you have some apologizing to do...).

• Connect with people who share your values. It helps make good friendships.^[1]
• See if they have the qualities you respect, such as being thoughtful, supportive, kind, funny, or honest.^[2]
• Engage in activities you enjoy doing and start conversations with people you meet while doing those activities.^[3]

Try learning/doing something new. Pick something that you and your best friend haven't done together, and that she doesn't do by herself. Pick something completely untouched by her, and try to keep it that way. (But don't push her away from it if she asks... just don't invite her if she does!) It will be good for you to do something that doesn't remind you of her (most likely, everything else will). Maybe you want to try to listen to a new type of music or try out a new restaurant.

Beware of becoming the "anti-you"! Trying new things, meeting new people, and moving ahead with life does not mean you stop being the person you have always been. Don't do things simply because your bestie doesn't do them - when trying new things, pick things that you genuinely do enjoy and/or are open to!

Boost your confidence! It can be a real ego-killer trying to subconsciously impress a girl that you know you can never be with. Go work out! Go after that goal of yours that has been on the back burner for so long! Volunteer at a local food bank or homeless shelter, or at Habitat for Humanity! Feel good about yourself! Really, exercise will do you wonders! Not only will you look better, feel better, but you can finally fall asleep without spending hours of obsessing over your crush.

Love your best friend. Just because you are getting over your crush on her does NOT mean you should stop loving your best friend. Love comes in many forms. Remember that just because your best friend might not feel the same way about you romantically, it does not mean that she doesn't care for you at all! Not only is she your best friend, but you are hers. Cherish the fact and be glad for what you do have.

Be happy for her. You will need to rejoice when she rejoices... even if that's upon her finding her true love. Resist the temptation to spend all your time with her moping because she's found someone to love. Don't try to sabotage or talk trash about him. These things will only drive a wedge between you. If you need some space, simply take it by being less available. Don't say things like, "It's just too hard for me to see you with him." ... Awkward.

Realize that this friendship is worth the effort. And also know that things get better in the end. Be grateful you have such an amazing best friend though! (Really though, SHE is awfully lucky, too -you are amazing for going through such hardship for her!)