How to Get over Someone You Never Dated

Co-authored by Jessica January Behr, PsyD and Caroline Heiderscheit

Last Updated: January 30, 2023 References Approved

When you never dated the person you're heartbroken over, it can feel especially painful, confusing, and lonely. You may not have shared your feelings with anyone, or you may even feel a little embarrassed about them. But trust that your feelings are totally valid. Heartbreak is so, so challenging, and you're handling it with grace. And luckily, we've covered all of the very best psychology-backed strategies to help you get over your crush ASAP. Read on to discover more!

1

Cut off contact with your crush.

To get over heartbreak, focus on new opportunities—not your old flame. Stop communicating with your crush to allow yourself a real chance to heal, because you deserve that. If you feel comfortable, gently explain to this person that you can no longer speak to them. Or, if you two have a less established relationship, simply stop reaching out.^{[1]
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- If you’ve kept your feelings a secret, you may not be able to just let your crush know that you no longer want to speak. But remember, your feelings come first.
- It’s okay to make up an excuse if that makes things easier for you: "I've been so busy with work lately. I don't think I'll be able to chat much for a while..."
- Or if it makes sense in your situation, tell them directly: "I don't think I can be in touch with you. It makes me feel sad, and I have to prioritize my feelings."
- By continuing to talk with your crush, you risk leaving the wound open. By shifting your focus from this person, you'll fill your life with new promise.

2

Mute your crush on social media.

Your crush’s latest post may leave you obsessed and too invested. There’s a whole world of exciting possibilities, romantic and otherwise, waiting for you out there. But when you still follow your crush on social media, it may be hard to see that. Mute, block, or unfollow your crush across all platforms to avoid ruminating.^{[2]
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- You may end up combing through their every last photo. Or, you may be caught off guard by a pic of them at the beach. Either way, you deserve better.
- If you haven’t expressed feelings or don’t want this person to know, mute them. This will silence their posts, but they'll have no way of knowing.
- Remember, social media breaks can boost your mood. If you can’t resist their page, take hiatus from social media. Shift your focus while improving your mental health.

3

Talk to someone you can trust.

Connecting with friends will help you feel supported and optimistic. Your loved ones will want what’s best for you, so reach out for help. Talk to them about how you’re feeling to make big emotions feel more manageable. Invite them to join you for a fun, distracting activity, like the zoo or movies. Let them remind you that even without your crush, you’re far from alone.^{[3]
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- If you’re not sure about who to reach out to, join an online support group for people who recently suffered a breakup.
- Even if you two didn’t date, your feelings are real, valid, and challenging. Discussing them with people who are experiencing the same could be healing.
- Who knows, by offering your own experiences and empathetic ear, you could help someone else process their feelings, too.

4

Dive into your hobbies and passions.

A packed schedule will be a fun, welcomed distraction. Stay busy to keep your mind off of unhelpful reminiscing and negative thoughts. Even better, throw yourself into new skills, favorite activities, and things that'll bring you closer to your goals. This way, you'll better yourself and elevate your self-esteem, too. Even without your crush in your life, you'll be getting happier by the day.^{[4]
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- Pick up a new skill you’ve been wanting to try. Woodworking, ballroom dancing, or volunteering with wikiHow—if it interests you, it’s a perfect choice.
- Double the amount of time you spend doing your favorite things. This might be exercise, a cooking class, or building your dream closet.
- Choose activities that will grow you professionally or personally. Learn to code, design a website, or finally pull together your portfolio.
- Creative outlets can ease the pain of heartbreak, too. Make a heartbreak playlist or write a short story about your feelings.

5

Open yourself up to new romantic possibilities.

The prospect of exciting, new love can distract you from old wounds. You got hurt, and that can feel completely terrible. But don’t let this keep you from the hope, joy, and thrill of new romance. If the opportunity to get to know someone new arises, take it. Even better, actively put yourself out there. You never know what you’ll find—and even just the act of looking can feel like a breath of fresh air.^{[5]
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- If you notice someone cute making eyes at a coffee shop, consider walking over and leaving your number. Why not?
- If you feel comfortable, sign up for a dating app. If the thought of creating your profile sounds bad enough to discourage you, enlist a friend for help.
- Don’t let reminiscing keep you from something great. You deserve more than old memories tinged with sadness—you deserve love. So, go out and get it!

6

Delete your old messages with your crush.

Reminiscing could definitely make your heartbreak last longer. When you’re still experiencing those big feelings, reflecting on your time together may be beyond tempting. If you can, avoid this. Though it will feel good in the moment, it probably won’t benefit you in the long run. Instead, turn your attention toward new possibilities. To make this easier, delete your old messages and pics.^{[6]
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- If you think you’ll want a copy of any texts or photos, save them to a flash drive but delete them off of your phone.
- This way, you'll be able to return to the memories when your heart has healed. But still, they won't be easy to access on an impulse.

7

Make a list describing your dream partner.

By focusing on amazing things to come, you’ll feel more hopeful. Craft two separate lists. First, write down all the things that bother you about the person you currently have feelings for—like their lack of humor or empathy. Then, list all the qualities you'd hope for in your ideal partner. This can be anything, from “loves to cook” to “super kind.” Now, look over the lists carefully.^{[7]
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- Your crush wasn't your ultimate dreamboat. Your first list is filled with qualities you didn't like. The second, dream qualities this person didn't have.
- Most of all, you deserve someone who puts you first. The dream partner you've described in your second list would definitely do that for you!
- Remind yourself that it's a big world out there. Go find someone who looks more like list #2.

8

Build up your self-confidence.

When you feel great about you, it’s easy to be excited about the future. And when you’re excited about the future, it’s easier to move on from heartbreak. Journal about your skills, achievements, and passions. Start your day with a positive self-affirmation while looking in the mirror. Set goals that make you feel inspired.^{[8]
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- Journal about ten things you’re great at, ten things you’ve accomplished, and ten things you think you’d be good at. Spend five minutes on each.
- Recite positive affirmations that are meaningful to you: “I’m smart, worthy, and capable.” Do this daily while smiling at your mirror's reflection.
- Select one big goal, like finding a new job. Come up with three sub-goals that’ll help you get there, like “edit my resume." Post these goals on your bulletin board.

9

Pamper yourself.

Heartbreak is tough—and while coping, you should get to feel treated. There are so many ways to give yourself all the love and comfort you deserve during this stressful period. Prioritize self-care and relaxation in your routine. Brainstorm activities, products, or sceneries that consistently make you feel amazing. Then, no matter how busy you are, carve out time for them in your schedule.^{[9]
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- Go for a walk at sunset.
- Eat mint chocolate chip ice cream and watch The Bachelor.
- Listen to your favorite Taylor Swift album from start to finish.
- Grab a weighted blanket and take a nice, long nap.
- Light a sweet-smelling candle and solve the Sunday crossword puzzle.

10

Challenge negative thoughts.

Positive thinking can be a source of comfort and strength during heartbreak. You can make things easier on yourself, and just the same, you can make your own struggle that much harder. While you're healing from heartbreak, choose to be on your own team. This is a complicated form of heartbreak that you're dealing with, and it’s so easy to be tough on yourself. When you face negative self-talk, challenge it.^{[10]
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- Can you really be heartbroken over someone you didn’t date? Yes, it happens all the time. Your relationship status doesn’t determine your pain.
- I can’t go to my friends for help, because it’s silly that I’m heartbroken. Your friends love you. And you deserve to feel supported while handling heartbreak.
- I never even told this person how I felt. That was stupid. You did what you thought was best at the time. Besides, it’s never too late to share how you feel.
- I always fall for unavailable people. What’s my problem? The truth is, everybody has a romantic pattern or two to break. The fact that you recognize yours is so powerful. Think of how exciting it’ll be when you finally break the habit!

11

Find reasons to laugh.

Laugh regularly, and you’ll actually become better at coping with stress. While you’re handling the pain of moving on, seek out funny, lighthearted content and activities. Laugh once a day, and you’ll actually boost your overall mood. Boost your mood, and suddenly, the weight of heartbreak won’t feel so heavy.^{[11]
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- Reach out to your funniest friends. Anyone who makes you feel amazing and stress-free is perfect company. Do something silly together, like an improv class.
- Watch and listen to hilarious content. If you’re watching a movie, make it a comedy. If you need a soundtrack for a nice long walk, go for a funny podcast.
- Even alone, be silly. Dance to pop music while you cook dinner. Make funny faces in the mirror while getting ready. Look for the humor in routine situations.

12

Give your heart time to heal.

When getting over someone you didn’t date, there’s no “normal” timeline. Take it one day at a time. Keep putting yourself and your own healing process first. And remember, those emotions that feel unbearable now will only get lighter over time. Don’t blame yourself if it takes longer to move on than you’d expected.^{[12]
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- Resist comparing your heartbreak process to anyone else. Everyone is different. And oftentimes, people act "fine" before they actually are.

13

Talk to a therapist.

If you’re struggling with depression, a professional can help. Sometimes, heartbreak can lead to more serious mental health illnesses. If coping feels like too much, reach out to a professional. If you’re under 18, speak to a parent, teacher, or guidance counselor about how you can get help more help. Look out for common symptoms of depression, like:^{[13]
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National Institute of Mental Health
Informational website from U.S. government focused on the understanding and treatment of mental illness.
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- Consistent sad or empty moods
- Feelings of hopelessness, guilt, or helplessness
- Low energy
- Issues sleeping
- Irritability

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you stop wanting someone you can't have?

Jessica January Behr, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Jessica January Behr is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the Founder and Director of Behr Psychology. She specializes in couples and sex therapy. Additionally, Dr. Behr treats those experiencing anxiety, stress, relationship problems, and depression. She holds a BA in Psychology from Hunter College. Dr. Behr also holds a Masters of Science of Education (MsED) in School Psychology and a Doctor of Psychology (PsyD) in Clinical Psychology from Pace University.

Jessica January Behr, PsyD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

The first thing to do is to understand the fantasy component of the relationship in your head. It's probable that you don't really know a lot about the person, as you've never dated. Remember that most of the attributes that you connected to them are things that are only on your mind. Then you have to wonder why you feel like you love that person. Put your fantasy in check and learn to identify your needs to get on with your life.
Question

Can you be heartbroken if you never dated?

Jessica January Behr, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Jessica January Behr is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the Founder and Director of Behr Psychology. She specializes in couples and sex therapy. Additionally, Dr. Behr treats those experiencing anxiety, stress, relationship problems, and depression. She holds a BA in Psychology from Hunter College. Dr. Behr also holds a Masters of Science of Education (MsED) in School Psychology and a Doctor of Psychology (PsyD) in Clinical Psychology from Pace University.

Jessica January Behr, PsyD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Yes, you can! To get over that, check-in with yourself about how it feels to be in an unrequited love relationship. Do you feel angry? Do you feel betrayed? Are you hurt? Is your self-esteem taking a hit? Answer those questions and try to figure out a way to take care of yourself and to get your needs met, even though the person that you want to be fulfilling those needs can't necessarily do it.
Question

We liked each other a lot in the past, but then I turned him down when he asked me out. Now I realize that I can't do without him. I want him back, but he distanced himself. How do I get over him now?

wikiHow Staff Editor
Staff Answer
This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.

wikiHow Staff Editor

Staff Answer

He may have distanced himself from you to avoid getting hurt again. If you're sure that you want to be with him, tell him! You never know until you try. It may help to explain why you chose to reject him in the past, what's changed, and why you won't do anything similar in the future. Good luck!