How to Get a Girl to Respond when Online Dating

Co-authored by Suzanna Mathews and Hunter Rising

Last Updated: April 18, 2022 References

So you’ve matched with a girl on a dating site or app, but what should you say so she wants to reply? It might take a little time figuring out the perfect thing to say, but having a good opener makes it more likely that she’ll message you back. Luckily, you can use a few simple tricks to make your messages stand out from the crowd. Keep reading for example texts you can send your crush and tips on how to get her involved in the conversation!

1

Mention something you saw on her profile.

Pointing out details you notice shows your crush that you pay attention. As soon as you match with a girl, scroll through her pictures and read her bio. If you find anything that makes you feel more excited to talk to her, then bring it up right away in your first message! She’ll appreciate that you took time to notice small details, so she’ll want to keep the convo going.^{[1]
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Research source
[v160969_b01]. 1 May 2019.}
- “Whoa, is that you skateboarding?! That’s so awesome! How long have you been doing that?”
- “That vacation pic on your profile looks amazing! Where did you go?”
- “It looks like you’re really into board games haha. Do you have a favorite one to play?”

2

Bring up what you have in common.

Your crush will feel an instant connection with you. If you can relate to something you read in her bio, then don’t be afraid to tell her about it. You’ll be able to bond over the subject since you’re both familiar with it. Follow up with a quick question so she has something more to base her response off of.^{[2]
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- “OMG I’m like the biggest fan of Game of Thrones. Who were you rooting for the whole time?
- “We have the exact same taste in music! What’s your dream concert lineup?”
- “I’m sure glad you like baseball because I’m in the stands for every home game! Hopefully we’re rooting for the same team 😉”

3

Ask her an open-ended question.

She’ll have to respond with a longer answer to keep the convo going. Open-ended questions usually start with “what” or “how” so she can’t answer just by saying yes or no. Rather than sticking with common questions asking about her day, dig a little deeper so you can learn more about your match.^{[3]
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[v160969_b01]. 1 May 2019.} Just make sure you open up too if she asks the same questions back.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Suzanna Mathews
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 18 August 2021.}
- “What’s been the best part of your year so far?”
- “If you could describe yourself in 10 words or less, what would you say?”
- “What’s your favorite spot to grab lunch in your neighborhood?”

4

Open with a funny pun or joke.

Making her laugh shows your match that you have a sense of humor. Even though it sounds a little corny, a quick and creative one-liner could work well. Keep it light and fun so she smiles when she reads your message, and avoid anything that sounds too offensive so you don’t offend her.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Suzanna Mathews
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 18 August 2021.}
- “I don’t have any good pickup lines, but I’d love to hear the best ones you’ve heard so far.”
- “This might sound a little cheesy, but you Cheddar be ready to have a Gouda time with me 😜”
- “I say our first date should be at a cafe because I think I like you a latte!”

5

Compliment her on something other than her looks.

She’ll feel flattered that you noticed more than her appearance. Since commenting on her appearance might make it sound like you’re coming on a little too strong, mention what you admire about her personality from her profile. Even a few nice words will make her feel all warm and fuzzy and she’ll want to keep chatting to chase that feeling.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.}
- “It’s so cool that you got to visit Hawaii! I’ve always wanted to go there too, and those pics are stunning.”
- “I think it’s really fascinating that you’re going into nursing. What made you choose that field?”
- “Look at all those trophies you’ve got! You’re so impressive!”

6

Flirt by showing your excitement.

She’ll know that you’re interested right away. Flirting is a great way to make your match feel like she’s really special. Let her know that you’re being playful by adding in an emoji. Try to avoid saying anything that’s inappropriate or lewd right away since it could make her feel uncomfortable.
- “I was hoping that you’d swipe right on me too 😊 I’ve been so excited to chat!”
- “How’d I get so lucky to match with a girl like you? 😉”
- “You just made me smile so much just by matching with me! I can’t wait to get to know you more!”

7

Try asking her out right away.

Be bold if you want to make a move. Your match will know that you’re serious about seeing or dating her, and she may love that you’re vocal about what you want to do. Let her know that you’d like to build your bond together in person and recommend a public place to meet up with her. That way, she’ll feel a little more safe and comfortable going out.
- “After reading through your bio, I think we’d really hit it off. Do you want to grab a coffee sometime?”
- “Based on your profile, I’d love to take you out. Are you free to grab dinner this week?”
- “I definitely want to get to know you more and test out our chemistry. What about grabbing drinks this weekend?”
- Some girls might think asking them out right away may be a little too forward. You can always try asking her out after a little casual conversation first.

8

Show off your best self in your bio and photos.

Your match will want to talk more if you seem fun and interesting. Girls won’t usually respond if you only have a couple of pictures and a short profile. Upload some recent pics to your profile that really show off your personality, like you doing your favorite activity or a fun vacation candid. List a few of your interests and what you’re looking for in your bio so your match can get a small glimpse into your life.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Maya Diamond, MA
Relationship Coach
Expert Interview.}
- Limit how many group photos you have in your profile, or else your match might get confused on who she’s talking to.

9

Use good spelling and grammar.

Using text-speak or shorthand might make a bad first impression. Rather than using abbreviations and other hard-to-read texting lingo, write out full sentences with punctuation. Take time to read through your messages before sending them to make sure everything is spelled correctly and that it makes sense.

10

Write shorter messages.

Girls are more likely to respond when you keep your messages short. A wall of text might be overwhelming for your match to read if you haven’t met yet, so only send a few lines for your first message. Try to keep your text around 40 words or less since it’s more likely that she’ll take the time to read it and respond.^{[8]
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11

Maintain a balanced conversation.

Sending too many texts without a reply might make you sound over-eager. If you send your crush a message, wait for her response before you message her again. When she eventually replies, it’s okay to wait the same amount of time before you message her back so it doesn’t look like you were waiting by your phone.
- Try to make your messages about the same length as hers so you put in the same amount of effort.
- If she doesn’t respond within a week, it could be a sign that she’s not into you. There are probably plenty of other people who would be excited to talk to you and are more worth your time.