How to Get Your Crush to Talk to You

Co-authored by Laura Bilotta

Last Updated: October 9, 2022 References

Ever felt like you were invisible to the one person who you wanted to notice you? If you have a crush, you can get them to talk to you. Start slowly, get to know them, show you’re interested and interesting, flirt a little, and be yourself. Before you know it, you might even snag your crush.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Breaking the Ice

1
Catch their eye. Make eye contact with them. This will immediately show a little interest. Hold their gaze when you make eye contact. Holding their gaze will establish a connection. Look away and then make eye contact again. This will keep them interested.^{[1]
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2
Say hi. Simply say “hello.” Make an effort to greet them whenever you see them. Smile when you greet them. You can also ask “how are you?” By greeting them, you’re already talking and making a little connection.

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3
Ask a favor. Make a small request to break the ice. Ask “could you please watch my stuff for a second?” if you’re in the library or a coffee shop together. Or if you’re in the cafeteria or a cafe, try asking for a napkin or a straw. This will get the person to notice you and might lead to a conversation.^{[2]
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- If you sit near them in class, try asking them to repeat what the teacher said, for example: “I didn’t catch that. What was the last question?”
4
Make a statement. Say something positive. Don’t say very much, just a short comment. Try saying something about the weather or someone you both know or your schoolwork. Your crush will usually respond and then you can talk some more.
- State something like: “It’s so beautiful out today.”
- If something funny happens, you could say: “I love getting to laugh like that.”
5
Comment on something you’ve observed. Ask your crush about something you’ve observed about them. For example, if they wear a uniform, ask them about that. Try to find something to ask about that other people might not. Don’t be too obvious or intrusive when you’re observing them.
- For example, if they are reading a book, you could ask: “Do you like that author?”
- Try to combine your observation with a compliment. For example: “That’s a really nice ring. Could I look more closely?”
6
Get involved in the same things. Make an excuse to talk to your crush by joining an activity they do. Use this opportunity to ask questions or just to make eye contact and smile at them. Make a short comment about something that happened during the activity. Your questions and comments will be easy ways to break the ice.
- Try starting a comment with something like: “Wasn’t it great when...?” or “It was so funny when...!”
- Get to know them better by doing the same activities.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Maintaining the Conversation

1
Ask questions. Find out what they’re interested in. Show an interest in their interests. If they like something you don’t know about, ask them to explain it. This will get them talking to you.^{[3]
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- For example, you can say: “Hey, it’s March Madness. What’s your favorite team?”
- Or if you need an explanation, you could say: “That sounds really cool. I don’t know much about it though. Can you explain it some more?”
- They’ll talk to you more enthusiastically if you share the same interests.
2
Listen attentively. Once they do talk to you, don’t interrupt. Listen carefully and respond when it’s your turn to talk. Be kind and show that you care about what they are saying. This will help them open up more.
- Say things like: “That’s really interesting. Please tell me more.”
- Also thank them when they talk to you. For example: “Thanks for telling me about that.”
3
Look for signs that your crush is interested in you. Pay attention to how much they talk to you. See if they take the time to always greet you when they see you. Notice if they regularly compliment you or treat you especially nicely. Talk to them more and compliment them more if you see these signs of interest from them.
4
Look for signs that they aren’t into you. See if they don’t respond with interest when you make comments. Observe if they talk to other people just as much as they talk to you. Notice if they don’t treat you nicely all the time or if they are inconsiderate or inconsistent when they interact with you.^{[4]
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Getting to Know Your Crush

1
Act friendly. Make it easy to be with you and to talk to you by being casual and friendly. But stay a little reserved so you’re not too obvious about your feelings. For example, don’t always answer your texts or calls from them immediately. Don’t be too transparent about your feelings or you might scare them away.^{[5]
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2
Look your best. Make sure you always look good. Dress well and keep up your hygiene. You’ll want to be attractive to your crush whenever you see them. People are likely to talk to people they find attractive.
- Act confident. Being confident is attractive.
- Be sure to smile.
3
Flirt. Compliment them and tease them a bit. Make sure you’re never hurtful when you tease. Make an effort to smile at them in a flirty way. You can even try winking. Flirting will get them talking, especially when they’re interested.
4
Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. You want to make sure your crush likes you for who you are. Be honest about what interests you. For example, don’t pretend to like something just because your crush likes it. Keep things upbeat, but you don’t always have to be positive if you’re not feeling that way. Joke around, but don’t overdo it so they know they can take you seriously.^{[6]
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5
Tell them how you feel. If you have a good friendship and have been talking a lot, and if you know you want to take it further, be direct. Ask your crush out for a coffee or to an activity you both like. If you’re getting positive signals, tell them how you feel and tell them that you’d like to take your relationship to the next step.

Expert Advice

Try these fun icebreakers:

Talk about pets. Most people have a pet, and even if they don't, they usually like animals. Try asking if they're a cat or a dog person, and ask if they have a pet of their own. If you have a pet, tell them a little about yours.
Stick to open-ended questions. Avoid asking questions that can simply be answered with "yes" or "no," because those don't leave a lot of room for conversation. For instance, you might ask the person, "What would you do if you had an entire week off of work?"
Ask about their dating profile. If you're breaking the ice online, ask the person about something they wrote in their profile, especially if it's something that's relatable to you. For instance, if you both like horseback riding, you might ask about some of their favorite trails.
Play a game to get to know each other. For instance, you might play "Two Truths & A Lie," where you each say 2 true things and 1 untrue thing about yourselves, and the other person has to guess which is which.