How to Get Married to Someone Your Mother Doesn't Like

Keep calm. Don't make a scene for any reason; this just gives your mom a reason to come back at you and turn it into something ugly. Often, your mom may make a case for the idea that you're immature, and not thinking things through enough. Blowing up at her will only prove her point. Instead, stay calmly resolved and just keep telling your mom that this is how things are going to be, and when she is ready to accept it, you will be fully happy. Making it an issue of your personal happiness will help her to stop and think about what is really at stake here - your life, not hers.

Tell your mom that you're an adult now and that she raised you well to think for yourself and that that is what you're doing now.

Realize that your mom probably has the best of intentions at heart. It's possible that there is something she sees in your betrothed that has set off alarm bells for her from her own personal past experiences. While her experiences are not yours, it might pay to at least consider whether any of her points are valid and address them with your partner before proceeding.

• For example, if your mom thinks that your betrothed is after your money, have an open discussion with your partner as to how you will counter such an allegation when it is raised by anyone in general. In fact, see your mom as a societal mirror in this case, and answer the questions she has posed to your satisfaction and then think of polite and convincing ways to respond to anyone who raises the same curious or unsettling issues.

Consider getting together for a three-way chat. It may be useful to have a meeting between you, mom and your betrothed. Let your mother pose her questions. Let your fiancé(e) answer. Weigh carefully. Once again, this is your life and future at stake, and you would be wise to consider your mom's opinion, even if you end up with unchanged feelings and plans. At least this way, your mom will feel she got a fair hearing.

Realize that it is going to take time for your mom to come around. More than that, an issue of pride and/or disappointment has to be overcome - her son or daughter is doing something that she thinks is breaking her heart, so you'll need to stand in her shoes for a time to understand the extent of her pain. Patience is the virtue that will get you through this time of her stubbornness or determination.

Stand by your final decision. Let your mother (and the entire family) know that you've decided to go ahead and get married. And don't wait - when your mind is entirely made up, make the announcement, and keep it positive. Tell your mother privately that you now intend to declare your intentions to all. If there is any further resistance, at this point, you must take a firm, hard stand. Try to be as minimally harsh as possible, but let your mom know, in no uncertain terms, that the time for voicing her disagreeing opinions is now at an end.

• For example: Tell your mom, calmly and kindly, "Mom, I understand your concerns, you've made them crystal clear. I've heard you out and I haven't changed my opinion. We're getting married. I am not asking for your permission, but I would like your blessing. I hope you can give it."
• At the appointed time, announce clearly, amazingly and happily that you are engaged. Hopefully, Mom will have taken your warning to your heart. As long as mom keeps her mouth shut, be nice. It's all about simply getting along.