How to Find a Girlfriend if You Never Had One

Last Updated: May 26, 2022 References

Finding a girlfriend if you’ve never had one can make you feel a little bit nervous, but there’s no need to worry about it. Even if you lack the experience, you’ll make up for it with your charm, intelligence, and ability to make a girl feel special. Once you get your heart set on a special girl, all you have to do is show her you care before you make her yours and start a fun and meaningful relationship.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Catching Her Eye

1
Don’t worry about never having a girlfriend before. If you’ve never had a girlfriend, then it’s likely that you’re feeling a little bit nervous or self-conscious about it. You may feel like everyone around you has had a ton of experience and that you’re the only one who is lacking in that department, but the truth of the matter is, everyone always feels like he or she could use more experience, and you shouldn’t let your lack of experience keep you from pursuing any girls you’d like to pursue.
- If you’re feeling self-conscious about it, get advice from a friend who has a bit more experience dating girls. You’ll see that there’s nothing to be scared about.
- Remember that even guys who have been dating girls for years often feel clueless or at a loss; relationships are growing, ever-evolving things, and there won’t be a magical moment when you suddenly “get it”.
- While you don’t need to lie about having had a girlfriend, you don’t need to broadcast it, either. That may just make you feel self-conscious.
2
Find the right girl. If you’ve never had a girlfriend, then you may be nervous about wanting to find someone as soon as you can, but the truth is, you’re far better off waiting for the right girl to come along than in rushing into a relationship with a girl you don’t really like. Look for a girl that you may be compatible with, who you think is an interesting person that you’d actually like to get to know. You may not know the girl that well, but if you get a good feeling every time you’re around her, then there may be something there.^{[1]
X
Research source}
- It’s a good idea to go for someone with who you can see yourself really starting a relationship. That said, you don’t need to be so picky that you’re only willing to ask a girl out if she seems like she can be your soul mate.
- Don't focus as much on looks. Of course, you may want to have a pretty girl, but it doesn't have to look like some supermodel or something like that. Try to be more realistic and be more open-minded about girls that wear glasses, are a little chubby, have acne, very tall or very short, are tomboyish, have tattoos, piercings, and hair dye, etc. These traits are more of your average person on the street and not somebody off of TV or a magazine. The more attractive girls want a more traditional male and you may be more non-traditional than most males so you might want to broaden your horizons for girls.
- Try to find common interests. If you like sports, join an intramural sports team or go to local sporting events. If you like music, go to concerts or join the band or orchestra. If you like books, go to the library or a bookstore. The internet is excellent for finding people with more obscure interests.
Advertisement
3
Stand out to her. Standing out doesn’t mean screaming at the top of your lungs or playing the banjo outside your school. It just means being proud of the things that make you different, whether it’s your love for science fiction or your soccer skills. Work on doing what you love and let the girl you like see you in your element. She’ll be impressed that you have so much to offer and that you’re happy doing your own thing instead of blending in with the crowd.^{[2]
X
Research source}
- Don’t be afraid to be a little bit goofy or silly if that’s who you are. You don’t have to act like a macho man or a standoffish bro to get a girl’s attention.
4
Start talking to her. Don’t be shy. Just say hi to the girl, introduce yourself, and start a nice, easy conversation. You don’t need to ask her a million questions about herself right away and should work on starting a light, easy conversation on simple topics like your classes, your weekend plans, a movie you both saw, or your favorite band. The most important thing is that you make eye contact and care about what she has to say.^{[3]
X
Research source}
- You don’t have to start a deep conversation with her. Just ask how she’s doing, smile, try to make her laugh, and take the pressure off.
- You can talk to her at a time when you know you’ll only have a few minutes, like in between classes. This will help make you less nervous because you won’t feel like you need to keep the conversation going for a long time.
5
Leave her wanting more. If you want to get her attention, then you should work on having a great conversation and then leaving just when things are getting good. That way, she’ll be more excited to talk to you the next time, because she’ll feel like you have so much more to talk about. If you linger around too long, even though you’ve both run out of things to say, then she’ll feel like you won’t have much to say the next time around, either.
- This doesn’t mean you should leave abruptly. Just say you’ve had a great time talking to her and that you look forward to picking up your conversation later.
- You don’t have to tell her you have to go because you’re late to your Aunt Bertha’s birthday party, either. It’s okay to keep things a little bit mysterious.
6
Give her a genuine compliment. When you first start talking to a girl you like, giving her a nice, simple compliment that shows you’re paying attention can help win her over. If you’ve noticed she got a new haircut or is wearing a new dress, tell her you like it without making her too embarrassed. If she’s wearing a unique piece of jewelry and you even think she might have made it herself, you can compliment it and ask where she got it. If you’ve noticed really cool artwork on her notebooks, you can compliment her artistic talents and strike up a conversation about that, too.^{[4]
X
Research source}
- For instance, you might tell her that she has a great sense of style.
- Don’t say anything about her figure or she may get embarrassed or will take it the wrong way. But there’s nothing wrong with saying something as simple as, “That’s a funky sweater.”
7
Wow her with your confidence. If you want to get the girl’s attention, then you have to be able to show her that you’re a confident guy who is happy with who he is. This may feel like a challenge when you don’t have much experience with girls, but you can build your way up to it. Don’t let your lack of experience make you lose confidence, and work on having the feeling that you’re a fun, smart, cool guy who has a lot to offer.^{[5]
X
Research source}
- Stand tall, look her in the eye, and talk about all of the things you love in your life to show her that you’re a confident guy who is worth knowing. When it comes to having confidence, there’s something to be said for faking it until you make it.
- Build up confidence can take a long time, but you can make an effort to address your flaws and learn to accept the things you can’t change about yourself little by little.
- Another way to develop your confidence is to make sure to spend time with people who actually make you feel good about yourself. If your friends are always putting you down, then it’s time to consider finding a new group of more supportive people.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Keeping Her Attention

1
Ask her questions about herself. One way to keep the girl’s attention is to show that you actually want to get to know her. You don’t want her to think that you’re only talking to her because you think she’s pretty or because you’re looking for a girlfriend. Take the time to get to know her by asking her questions about what her interests are, how her day is going, and whatever else is on her mind. Here are some things you can ask her about:
- Her hobbies
- Her pets
- Her favorite bands, movies, TV shows, or actors
- Her friendships
- Her favorite places to visit
- Her holiday plans
2
Let her see that you care about her. If you want to keep the girl’s attention, then you have to show her that you care without making her feel overwhelmed. If you want her to be interested in you, then she has to feel like she stands out to you. Work on giving her a little extra attention compared to the other girls around, and on spending more time by her side when you can. Smile at her and make eye contact when you see her so she knows that she stands out to you.^{[6]
X
Research source}
- If she’s obviously having a bad day, come up to her and ask her what’s wrong. Let her see that you’re not just planning on being there during the good times.
- When you’re in a group or alone with her, flirt with her a little. Be playful, give her a gentle push on the arm or shoulder, and tease her in a friendly way. Take pleasure in making her laugh and let her see that you really do care without being too forward.
3
Don’t come on too strong. You have to work on striking a balance between letting the girl see how much she means to you and not overwhelming her. You can’t be around all the time, call her every day, or be at her side every time she turns around, or she’ll want a break from you. Be around just enough to make things interesting while leaving her guessing and keeping her on her toes, too.
- If you’re in a group setting, it’s nice to give her some extra attention, but that doesn’t mean you have to single her out too much, either. Talking to other girls will show that you’re less intense and open to being social with more people.
- If you have her number, you shouldn’t always be the one who calls or texts her. Put the ball in her court, sometimes.
4
Do something nice for her. If you want the girl to stay interested, then you have to make her see that you’re willing to put in the effort. You should go out of your way to do something nice for her, whether you help her with a school project, offer to help her fix her bike, or pick up her homework for her if she’s home sick from school. Making an effort to make her smile and to make her life easier will make her feel like you really do care.
- You can even help her carry her books to class if her load is too heavy. Make sure she welcomes this kind of help, though.
- You can help her out as long as you make sure she doesn’t take advantage of you. You want her to see you as a potential boyfriend, not as an errand boy.
5
Show that her opinion matters to you. You don’t want to treat the girl as just a pretty face or arm candy. Let her see that you really care about her as a person and that you want to know what she thinks. You can ask her opinion on something that happened on the news, about a discussion you had in class, or about a book you’ve both read or a movie you both saw. Let her see that you really care about what goes on inside her head and that you want to know what she’s thinking, and she’ll be more charmed by you.
- If you need advice about something, even if it’s just a question of what to wear to the school dance or more of a serious matter, like how to confront your friend about something he did wrong, turning to the girl you like can make her see that you really do value her opinion.
- Make sure you don’t ramble on and on about topics like politics or music without stopping to ask her how she actually feels about it.
6
Find common ground. Another way to build a connection with a girl is to find something that you have in common so you have more to talk about. As you get to know her more, you may find that you have more in common than you think, whether you both love Drake or whether you’re into learning to cook. As long as you have one or two things in common, you can work on building a relationship around your mutual interest for those things. If you don’t have much in common, though, don’t worry; you can always develop common interests as you get to know each other better.
- Don’t be nervous about finding something you have in common right away. As you get to know the girl more, you’ll naturally find something.
- You may not have many interests in common, but you can share other things, such as a similar background or a similar disposition.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Making Her Your Girlfriend

1
Spend more time with her. As you start to like the girl more and more, it’s only natural that you’ll both want to spend more time together. While you won’t be together every second, you should find ways to see her more, whether you walk to your classes together, sit near each other in the cafeteria, or even hang out at the mall or a playground after school. Make an effort to see her more so you can spend more time getting to know each other, and you’ll have a better sense of whether or not she would be the girlfriend you’re looking for.^{[7]
X
Research source}
- There’s no magical amount of time that you need to spend with the girl before you ask her to be your girlfriend. If you want to ask her after spending just a week together, that’s fine, too, as long as you’ve had some time to get to know each other.
- You also don’t want to reach the point where you’ve spent months hanging out with her and haven’t asked her out. This may be leading you straight to the Friend Zone, and it can be tricky to get out of that.
2
Find the right time and place to ask her out. If you’re ready to take the next step with the girl you’ve found and want to ask her to be your girlfriend, then you should be a little bit thoughtful about it to improve your chances of getting a yes. Find a nice, quiet place where you’re not likely to be interrupted, and make sure she’s in a good mood and doesn’t have anywhere to rush off to, either. Ask her if she has a few minutes and make the most of your time together when you ask her to be yours.
- If you’ve never really been alone with the girl before, then try to ask her in a private place, but don’t go out of your way to isolate her.
- Before you ask her to meet you, try to check her mood. Make sure she seems happy, focused, and not stressed out.
3
Ask her to be your girlfriend. Don’t be nervous about it. After saying hi to her and making just a little bit of small talk, you can ask her to be your girlfriend as honestly and directly as possible. You can say something as simple as, “I really like spending time with you and would love to get to know you better. Will you be my girlfriend?” The sooner you ask her, the more relief you’ll feel.^{[8]
X
Research source}
- Move a bit closer toward her and look her in the eyes when you ask. She’ll be impressed with your confidence.
- You can compliment her a bit before you ask, but don’t lay it on too thick. You don’t want to make her uncomfortable.
- Remember—the best way to stay out of the friend zone is to be open and honest about what you want. You want to be friendly, but you also want to be clear that you're looking for more than friendship.^{[9]
  X
  Research source}
4
React appropriately. If she says yes to you, then great! You can celebrate, hug her, and let her see how excited you are by her good news. However, if she says she’d just like to be friends, there’s no need to be rude or mean. Instead, just be polite and respectful and keep your head up as you make sure to part on good terms. This will leave her with a good impression of you, and you can be proud of yourself for responding in a dignified manner.
- If she does say she wants to be your girlfriend, let her see how happy this makes you. You don’t have to play it cool if you really do like her.
- If she says no, don’t insult her or be mean to her. Treat her with respect, knowing that she really can’t help her feelings.
5
Work on building a meaningful relationship. If you and the girl have agreed to date each other, then you can work on taking it slow and really making the effort to get to know one another. You can keep things interesting by doing new things together, whether you make enchiladas together or take a snorkeling class, while also making time to do the things you love together regularly. The most important thing is that you never stop letting her see how much she means to you.^{[10]
X
Research source}
- Don’t ever take your girlfriend for granted. You should always try to add some romance to the relationship, compliment her, and let her know how special she is.
- Don’t let your lack of experience keep you from enjoying your relationship. There’s no need to worry about it and all you can do is focus on the present moment and enjoy every second with your girlfriend that you can.