How to Be Irresistible to Women

Last Updated: January 31, 2023 References

Has a lovely lady caught your eye that you want to spend more time with? If you want women to find you irresistible, there are a ton of little tricks you can use to instantly seem more attractive. Be yourself, be honest, and show respect when you talk to women. If you take care of yourself, more people will enjoy your company and, as a bonus, you’ll live your best life!

1

Be yourself instead of putting on an act.

Don’t lie about your interests or pretend to be someone else. Women will be able to tell if you try to be someone you’re not, so just be honest. Being irresistible isn’t about putting on a show; truly irresistible people are authentic.^{[1]
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- For example, if you don’t like sports, don’t tell a girl you like that you’re great at football just to impress her. Instead, look for interests that you actually share. There's a better chance that she'll be attracted to you if you truly have things in common.
- Additionally, authentic people are trustworthy. If people know they can trust you, they’re more likely to gravitate toward you.
- Be yourself, but don’t feel like you have to lay out all of your baggage when you’re just getting to know someone. Being honest doesn’t mean you need to confess your deepest secrets on the first date.

2

Project confidence with your body language.

Try to keep your body language open to show others that you’re at ease.^{[2]
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Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} For example, maintain good posture instead of slouching. When you sit down, get in a comfortable, natural position instead of sitting rigidly.^{[3]
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- Instead of keeping your hands in your pockets or crossing your arms, make hand gestures when you speak to emphasize your points.
- Don’t strike poses or make gestures that make you uncomfortable. If you’re naturally shy, for instance, standing straight and tall can project a quiet confidence. Don’t feel like you have to make grand gestures as if you were performing onstage.

3

Tell a good joke to break the ice.

Jokes are especially helpful if you’re nervous and aren’t sure what to say.^{[4]
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Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} You don’t have to do full a stand up routine, but a sense of humor almost always goes a long way. If you’re not good at making witty comments off the top of your head, try memorizing a couple of quick witticisms.^{[5]
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- Look online for jokes or check out comedy routines. It’s wise to keep your material tame, especially if you’re just getting to know someone. Additionally, unless you have an established relationship and tease each other, don't tell a joke at her expense.
Don’t rely on humor alone: Jokes can help spur a conversation, but humor and small talk shouldn’t get in the way of building a solid connection. Irresistible people are compelling because they dig deeper. It’s great to make a woman laugh, but she’ll find you more compelling if you show a genuine interest in her thoughts and feelings.^{[6]
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4

Listen and ask questions when you have conversations.

Ask questions related to what the other person has said to keep conversations going. Make eye contact during conversations, but keep in mind you shouldn’t unblinkingly stare at the other person. When appropriate, nod your head and say things like “Yes” or “That’s interesting” to let them know you’re listening.^{[7]
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- When you’re talking to a woman, or anyone for that matter, ask questions to keep the conversation going. If they told you that they love music, ask about their favorite genres or bands instead of changing the subject.

5

Pay respectful, sincere compliments.

Saying a genuinely nice thing lets her know that you’re really interested. Avoid heaping on insincere praise, and point out a quality or achievement that you truly admire.^{[8]
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Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} Be sure to compliment a woman you like on things other than her looks, and never make inappropriate or sexually charged comments.^{[9]
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- Offer thoughtful compliments such as, “You made such a sharp point in class today,” “You’re a brilliant singer,” or “You have great taste in music.”
- Comments about appearance are occasionally welcome, provided they're respectful and balanced with compliments about personality. For instance, telling someone “You're absolutely beautiful” or “That's a really nice dress—I love your style!” can be sweet, but saying “Hey hottie, you're looking good!” isn't very nice.

6

Give her space instead of coming on too strong.

Coming on too strong might make you seem a little needy.^{[10]
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Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} Irresistible people are magnetic; they attract people, but they don’t beg for attention.^{[11]
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Research source} Furthermore, when it comes to dating, coming on too strong can turn off the object of your affection. If you find yourself sending multiple paragraph-long texts and receiving one-word responses, it’s time to give your crush some space.^{[12]
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- Bear in mind giving someone space doesn’t mean you need to play hard to get or ignore them completely. You can be honest about your feelings without seeming needy or desperate for attention.
- For instance, if you want to ask your crush to hang out, say, “I’ve really wanted to try that new coffee place. Want to meet up there later today?”
- After a first or second date, it’s okay to say (or text) “I had a great time on our date!” However, you probably don’t want to send a 5-page text gushing about how you’re madly in love with her.

7

Keep up with your hygiene and grooming.

Bathe regularly, brush your teeth twice a day, floss daily, and wash and comb your hair. In addition to personal grooming, practice healthy hygiene habits, such as washing your hands often, coughing into your sleeve, and keeping your hands out of your face.^{[13]
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- Good personal hygiene is more than just a basic part of looking your best. It shows that you take care of yourself, and being able to meet your needs is an attractive quality. Plus, you won’t attract many people if you look sloppy, smell, or pick your nose in public!

8

Maintain a healthy lifestyle.

Focus on making healthy choices in your life without obsessing Eat a healthy diet, exercise for at least 30 minutes a day, and get 7 to 9 hours of sleep per night, or the amount recommended for your age. Try not to obsess about having the perfect body or being in perfect shape.^{[14]
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- Like personal hygiene, making healthy lifestyle choices shows others that you care about being the best person you can be.

9

Wear presentable, occasion-appropriate clothes.

Choose clothes that fit you well and make you feel good. Make sure your outfit is clean and presentable when you leave the house. Keep in mind you don’t need to dress up to be well-dressed. Always aim to wear clothes that are appropriate for the setting.^{[15]
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- For instance, wearing a tucked-in button-up shirt and dress pants to a picnic where everyone is wearing shorts and sandals might feel uncomfortable. On the other hand, wearing a stained, wrinkled tee shirt and pajama bottoms when you’re out and about won’t attract many women.
Upgrading your wardrobe: You don’t need to break the bank if you need to improve your outfits on a budget. Look for quality finds at outlets and secondhand stores, and score deals at end-of-season sales. Piece by piece, invest in well-made, long-lasting clothes that you can mix and match.

10

Make sure you smell great.

Wear scented deodorant and cologne or perfume to improve body odor. Body odor and bad breath are turn-offs for just about everyone, and smelling great can help you make an irresistible impression.^{[16]
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- Keep in mind too much cologne or perfume is just as unattractive as bad body odor. Less is more, especially if the scent you’re wearing is strong. Just apply 1 to 2 sprays to your neck and wrists.
- Additionally, keep mints or gum handy to keep your breath smelling fresh.

11

Look your best, but don’t come off as vain.

While you should put your best foot forward, you shouldn’t constantly check the mirror. Put effort into your appearance, but don’t obsess about how you look. Make sure you look clean and neat, then just try to be comfortable in your own skin.^{[17]
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- Women won’t find you attractive if you come off as conceited. On the other hand, if you’re constantly checking your appearance, you might seem insecure, which is not an irresistible quality.

12

Work on building self-confidence.

Don’t come off as arrogant, but be proud of who you are. Irresistible people are at ease with themselves and have a quiet confidence. You’ll put others at ease if you stand tall and speak with confidence, and women (and people in general) will want to spend more time with you.^{[18]
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- Putting yourself down and constantly second-guessing yourself makes others feel uncomfortable. Learn to laugh at yourself, and don’t be afraid to look goofy or say the wrong thing. Remember that no one’s perfect, and everyone says something silly from time to time.
Tip: If you’re feeling down and need a confidence boost, make a list of the things you like most about yourself. Think about the traits and talents that make you most proud, like having a great sense of humor, playing an instrument, or excelling at a sport.

13

Maintain a fun, positive outlook.

Things won’t always go your way, but you should still look on the bright side of life. When you go on dates or converse with women, try not to be negative, and don’t put too much pressure on yourself.^{[19]
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Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} Focus on having fun, and try to sincerely enjoy getting to know the other person.^{[20]
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- Optimism is an attractive quality, and women will be more likely to find you irresistible if hanging out with you is fun.
- It’s okay to vent to a loved one if something bad happens, but avoid laying all of your problems on someone you’re just getting to know. For instance, if you’re on a first date, don’t go on and on about how bad your day was or complain about everything that’s wrong with the world.

14

Remind yourself that others’ opinions don’t define you.

Don’t get upset if one person judges you or isn’t attracted to you. What’s attractive to one person might be a major turn-off for another. Taste is subjective, and women, and people in general, are unique individuals.^{[21]
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- Remember that attraction isn’t a choice; it just happens. If someone doesn’t find you irresistible, that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.
- That said, if someone expresses a negative opinion of you, it’s okay to think about how you can use that feedback to improve yourself. If, for example, someone says you talk a lot, work on listening and asking questions when you have conversations.

15

Commit to your own self-improvement.

Women are attracted to people who strive to improve themselves.^{[22]
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- Come up with a list of personal, professional, and financial goals. Examples include taking up a new hobby, sticking to a fitness plan, earning a promotion, and buying a car or a house.
- Big long-term goals can feel overwhelming, so break them up into smaller steps. If, for instance, your goal is to buy a house, negotiate a raise at work, use the raise to save for a down payment, build credit, and take a financial literacy class for first-time homeowners.

Expert Q&A
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Question

How can I make women more attracted to me?

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach."

Connell Barrett

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Leading off conversations with compliments works really well. You can also just strike up a casual conversation to sound more inviting and approachable. Just be sure to give them space so you don't come across as threatening.

Warnings

Never make unwanted advances and respect a woman’s wishes if she doesn’t want to talk to you or be touched.

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