How to Find a Boyfriend (Teen Guys)

Co-authored by Tina Wilson

Last Updated: May 18, 2021 Approved

Do you want to find a boyfriend and you're a gay teen? Depending on where you are in the world, it can be very difficult to develop something serious. Stay strong and know that most teens have trouble dating and you are no exception.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Considering Your Community

1
Come out. Coming out with your sexuality will relieve you of a burden. It is a lot harder for you to meet others if no one knows your situation. Coming out conveys your confidence, and for many this is attractive.
- This can be an incredibly difficult task for some. Seek out a close friend who knows the truth and ask for their support.
- Some conservative families do not support this, and it can be painful. Consider coming out to a select group before talking to your family, if you're in this scenario.
- Always consider if it will be more harmful than helpful.
2
Consider others who are out. It is easier to track down someone who has already come out as opposed to searching through a haystack. Even if you don't want a relationship, getting to know this person could help introduce you to others.

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3
Join a group. Start a gay/straight alliance at your school or join the current chapter. Find some other type of organization that you know is friendly like art or theater.
- Find a guy that you can hang around comfortably without seeming "clingy". Make him your friend, and hang out a lot.
4
Determine if you want a relationship. Make sure that you want to go through with this. Sometimes, people make decisions that they haven't thought through and it hurts them in the long run. Make sure you're ready for a relationship.
- Don't rush into a relationship for the sake of a relationship.
- If you want to Make Sex Important in a Relationship, make sure to communicate properly and do it safely. Note that a relationship based solely on sex can be very rocky or even damaging if not dealt with maturely.
5
Seek guidance. If there is an older LGBT person you know, consult them for advice. You'll be surprised how much reassurance they can instill by telling their struggles as a youth.^{[1]
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- Many counselling services in schools have a faculty member who specializes in this type of advice.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Looking Online

1
Understand the difficulties. Online dating has helped connect many gay teens who may not have felt comfortable coming out to their community. There is always a risk with operating romance on the internet. Some people do not represent themselves honestly online.^{[2]
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- Talk on the phone or through Skype before meeting, and always meet in a public place when meeting someone for the first time. There are cruel people out there who will try to exploit you and your sexuality.
- Be cautious and find their Facebook to see if they are who they say they are.
2
Pick a reputable site. There are many dating sites and apps that are specifically geared towards the LGBT community. Even sites that have high success with straight couples, like OkCupid, have a thriving community for guys looking for guys.
- Some sites are notorious for hook ups (like Grindr and Tinder) and not as known for lasting relationships. If you consider a site like this, be honest in your profile.
3
Create your profile. Again, be honest in what you're looking for in a guy. Many of these sites will ask for a series of questions that match people up based on interests. Go through this and be honest to find someone who might be compatible with you.
4
Pick a dating spot. Once you match with someone and agree to meet, you should offer where to meet. It's a good idea to go on a walking date for a first date. Walking through a park is good. It isn't causing you to feel claustrophobic or exposed in way a coffee shop might.
- Don't let someone waste your time—once you've been chatting for about a week, ask them if they'd like to meet up. If they give you a vague answer, they might not be ready for a relationship.^{[3]
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  Tina Wilson. Relationship Expert.}

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Making a Move

1
Determine if he is interested. This can be hard for some people who have trouble reading other’s feelings. Once you’ve determined he’s gay and available you can look for certain signals. Be on the lookout for these signs if he:
- Compliments you.
- Tries to impress you in some way.
- Casually touches you.
- Opens up about his personal life.
- Invites you into his plans.
2
Understand the predating game. Before becoming involved with someone, you have to go through a dance of sorts with them. There are many steps you'll probably go through before you both are honest to each other about your feelings.
- This happens for almost every relationship.
3
Don't go too fast! This cannot be stressed enough. Even if he is putting out signs that he may like you, hold off a bit. That just may be his natural tendency. You want to be able to feel out the situation before becoming committed.
- If you think he likes you, your gut is probably right.
- You can tell by the way he looks at you. Eye contact is the best indicator for attraction.
- Other things you could look for is if the guy gives you a lot of attention in real life, flirts on social media by posting a lot onto your Facebook, or simply calls or texts you out of the blue.
4
Give him space. Try not to hang around him all the time. Sometimes it can be hard to read someone you like. You don't want him to think that you are dependent on him or that you are desperate. Play it casual at first and only shower him with attention when on a date.
- After a while, you'll get really comfortable around him. Whatever you do, don't make him your "best-friend-in-the-world!" You're not looking for that kind of relationship.^{[4]
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5
Pick your dates carefully. Go for a walk, or go to the movies. You don't have to do this every weekend, but do it at least every other weekend. Again, if you feel you're being "clingy", lay off for a while. Don't stop being his friend, unless you don't like him.^{[5]
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- If you do lose feelings for him, tell him straight up instead of toying with his heart.
6
Have a relationship conversation. If you are confident that he likes you, go to a neutral place where you can talk like a coffee shop. Be honest to him about your feelings. Tell him what you want out of the future. Try saying something like:
- ”I know we’ve been hanging out for awhile now, and I wanted to tell you that I like you.”
- ”After getting to know you the last couple of weeks, I’ve begun developing feelings for you”
- ”Stevie, I like you and was wondering if you’d like to take our relationship further.”
7
Keep your calm. When asking him out, don't get too nervous. If you do, try to hide it. It is natural to get nervous, and it shouldn't matter if you are. He is probably as nervous as you are.
8
Respond to his decision. It can go in two ways, but regardless you should be proud of yourself. Making it this far is not easy for everyone to do.
- If he says yes, celebrate! You guys are now free to be in a loving relationship that you will cherish.
- If he says no, don't sulk. Try to initiate a conversation about how you want to be friends. You could be honest and ask him if he still wants to be friends.
- Don’t feel like you have to tiptoe around the truth. This is the time to lay everything out on the table.
9
Have fun! Not everything in a relationship is drama! Laugh at yourselves when something is funny, and joke around with each other. This will bring your relationship to another level.

Community Q&A

Question

A guy approached me and told me he loved me, I was scared so I turned him down, now I'm in love with him. What do I do?

Community Answer

If the guy still likes you, tell him what you just said. Tell him that you were scared and didn't know what to do, so you automatically turned him down, but now you've accepted that you have feelings for him.
Question

How do I approach a boy I like?

Community Answer

If I were you I wouldn't just approach a guy out of knowhere and say that you like him. If you want to approach a guy you have a crush on, first take it slow and become friends, get to know the guy more, and find common interests. Then after being his friend for awhile, find a place where you can be alone so you can tell him that you like him. Of course, if he reacts badly, don't continue because it's not worth it. If he reacts in a positive way, that's great, but no matter what give him space and let it take its course.
Question

Will someone ever love me? I am 15 and afraid.

Community Answer

Most likely yes. There's no need to be afraid. Very few people find real love at your age, though many people have superficial relationships. Just be yourself, be patient, and focus on your goals, interests, and self-improvement. Eventually you'll probably meet the right person, whether in your teens or in your twenties or later.