How to Fake Diarrhea at School

Last Updated: November 24, 2019

Have you ever wanted a new excuse on getting out of class? You may have tried the "Desert" Cough, the stomach bug, and the classic fake vomit. Well, why not try faking diarrhea?

Steps

1
The day before you attempt to do this, complain about a stomach ache. This will help your act the next day. However, if it is normal for you to have a full illness overnight, then go ahead.
2
Pack a nearly empty bottle of brown sauce the next day. You could also try mixing instant chocolate pudding with water and put it in a ketchup bottle. Salsa also works in a pinch; but don't use too much, otherwise your parents will know you are up to something!

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3
When you want to get out of the lesson, ask to use the toilet. If your teacher says no, explain you have bad stomach problems, and you might puke (or have an accident) if you don't go to the bathroom. However, saying you may have an accident may cause you to be the laughingstock of the classroom!
4
When you get back, look especially queasy, and ask to go to the nurse, as if you did actually have stomach problems.
5
When you get to the nurse's office, ask her to assist you to the toilet as you think you may faint. Don't act too sickly, though, as you may be spotted or immediately rushed to a hospital by your parents.
6
Enter the toilet and make horrid grunting sounds constantly. Then get out the brown sauce or pudding and squeeze it. When the bottle is nearly empty, it will sound like you're farting. This works especially well, so use a ketchup bottle.
7
After a while, let out a sigh of relief, and you can also say "That's better" but that could be embarrassing, and flush the toilet twice to emphasize that it was pretty bad in there.
8
Tell the nurse you had bad diarrhea and that you want to go home. Your parents should come to pick you up.

Warnings

Be prepared to get in trouble if someone finds out you were faking.

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If somebody hears you squeezing the bottle, you might be humiliated for at least a few days. Make sure you squeeze the bottle when nobody else is around if possible.

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