How to Enjoy Yourself

Co-authored by Amy Wong

Last Updated: February 28, 2022 References

For many of us, enjoying life is a difficult task. A lot of people rely on external factors to make them happy, but ultimately the change has to come from within. By taking care of yourself and changing the way you think and behave as you move through life, you can boost your enjoyment.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Taking Care of Yourself

1
Eat well. Eating nourishing, wholesome food when you are hungry helps you stay strong both mentally and physically — creating a good foundation for the healthy mindset needed to enjoy life. Try to eat mainly whole, unprocessed foods such as vegetables, fruits, whole grains, etc.
- In addition, be sure to drink plenty of water each day. A good measure is to take your body weight in pounds and divide it in half: that's how much water you should drink each day in ounces. Example: if you weigh 180 pounds, you'll need to drink 90 ounces of water each day.
2
Exercise regularly. Exercise has been shown to boost self-esteem, reduce stress and anxiety, and to improve sleep.^{[1]
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Research source} Exercise for at least 20 to 30 minutes, three times a week. If possible, try to exercise a little bit every day.
- How often and how hard you exercise will depend on your own physical fitness and abilities; be sure to listen to your body and take it slow.
- If you are new to exercising and/or if you have any health concerns, consult your doctor to ensure that you follow an exercise routine that is safe for you.
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3
Get enough sleep. Studies have linked a lack of sleep to depression.<rehttps://www.sleepfoundation.org/mental-health/depression-and-sleep</ref> You can help ward off depression by getting enough sleep: adults need 7 to 9 hours each night; teenagers need about 8.5 to 9.5 hours.^{[2]
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- If you have trouble falling asleep, try creating a routine in which you go to bed and wake up at the same time each day.
- Another effective method of falling asleep is to progressively tense and relax your muscles, starting at your feet and working up to your head. This is called Progressive Muscle Relaxation.
4
Get help. If you have chronic insomnia, struggle with depression, or have some other ailment that impairs your ability to enjoy life, you may benefit from consulting a professional. Talk to your doctor about medications that may help you; see a psychologist or registered clinical counsellor.
- Remember, you deserve to enjoy life; not simply endure it.
5
Be kind to yourself. You're working on enjoying life, but you'll still have ups and downs. When you have a down day, allow yourself to feel it. Don't try to force yourself to be happy.
- Allow yourself to have a day off when you're really feeling low. If it's really bad, give yourself a couple of days, but promise yourself that no matter how you feel after 3 days are up, you'll get back to work/school and, if necessary, you'll get help.
- Remember that even if you make mistakes, you're still a whole, complete human being with inherent self-worth.^{[3]
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  Expert Source
  
  Amy Wong
  Leadership & Transformational Coach
  Expert Interview. 30 April 2020.}

Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Changing the Way You Think

1
Give up on happiness. Sometimes the more you want something, the more difficult it is to get. The more you obsess over wanting to be happy, the more likely you are to focus on how unhappy you are. By placing pressure on yourself to be happy, you're more likely to achieve the opposite.
- Instead of pressuring yourself to be happy, acknowledge that it's your goal, and then do the things that will help you achieve it — for example, being mindful, being kind to yourself, and exercising regularly.
- It may help you to make an action plan of how you want to be happier in life. Once you've written down your plan, it may be easier to focus on the steps you need to take to be happy, rather than on achieving the abstract feeling of happiness itself.
2
Take responsibility for yourself. Instead of complaining about something, consider what you can do to fix the situation. You are the only person who can make yourself happy.
- Negative emotions tend to happen when you start resisting reality. You can't fix what you refuse to even think about.^{[4]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Amy Wong
  Leadership & Transformational Coach
  Expert Interview. 30 April 2020.}
- Even if someone has done something hurtful to you, it does not benefit you to dwell too much on the pain. You can't control their actions, and you can't force them to make things better for you; you can only control your own actions and emotions.
- This may sound harsh, but it's actually very positive. It means that you are in control of your own happiness. Don't let someone else think they're in control. Don't give them that power!
3
Be positive. Don't dwell on the bad things in your life. Try to see the good in everything — even things you dislike. For example, you have to go to a class that you hate, but at least you'll see your best friend there.
- Part of being positive is believing in yourself. Combat negative self-talk with positive affirmations. Example: instead of saying, “I am so stupid for failing that test”, say “I'll need to study harder next time” or “I am disappointed that I didn't pass that test; what can I do to ensure that I pass next time?”
- If you can't find the good in something, avoid dwelling on the negativity. You'll also benefit from avoiding spending time with people who feed your negativity.
4
Be your own best friend. Part of being positive is treating yourself as though you were your own best friend. Sometimes it's easy to talk down to ourselves, calling ourselves stupid or ugly, for instance. Chances are, you wouldn't talk to your best friend like that. Give yourself the same respect and kindness — you deserve it.
5
Be grateful. Studies have shown that having gratitude -- even for the small things in life — positively affects your well being.^{[5]
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Trustworthy Source
Greater Good Magazine
Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living
Go to source}
- It may help to keep a journal and list 3 good things that have happened each day, no matter how small they are. Example: “It started raining while I was running, and the cool rain on my hot skin felt so nice.”
- Instead of dwelling on what you can't do, make a list of things you can do: Can you walk? Talk? Breathe on your own? Can you see? Did you eat today and did you have access to clean water? Do you have a place to live? Can you read a good book? Can you appreciate a beautiful blue sky?
6
Live in the moment. This is also referred to as “being mindful” or cultivating “mindfulness”. Countless studies and spiritual gurus claim that the better we are at living in the moment, the happier we are.^{[6]
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- To live in the moment, the first step is to develop a nonjudgmental awareness of yourself and the world around you: try observing your thoughts without judgment. Do not dwell on those thoughts or rush to push them away; simply let them be.^{[7]
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- When you walk to the store to get groceries, don't focus on what you need to buy once you get there. Focus on how the ground feels beneath your feet; how the air feels against your skin; how it feels to breathe and walk; focus on the moment that you occupy right now.
- To increase your self-awareness, set 5 timers to go off throughout the day to remind you to evaluate your current emotions. By practicing naming your feelings, you'll hopefully begin to have more control over them.^{[8]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Amy Wong
  Leadership & Transformational Coach
  Expert Interview. 30 April 2020.}
7
Be compassionate and empathetic toward others. To have compassion is to show concern for others; to have empathy is to put yourself in someone else's shoes. Research has linked depression and anxiety to a preoccupation with the self; being compassionate and empathetic broadens your perspective and helps you feel more connected to others.^{[9]
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Trustworthy Source
Association for Psychological Science
Nonprofit organization devoted promoting trustworthy research and education in the psychological sciences
Go to source}
- One way in which you can build compassion toward others is through a “loving-kindness meditation”:^{[10]
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  Trustworthy Source
  Association for Psychological Science
  Nonprofit organization devoted promoting trustworthy research and education in the psychological sciences
  Go to source}^{[11]
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  Research source}
  - Sit comfortably, breathe in and out from your heart center (your chest area), and think or say these phrases several times: “May I be free from inner and outer harm and danger. May I be safe and protected”; “May I be free of mental suffering or distress”; “May I be happy”; “May I be free of physical pain and suffering”; “May I be healthy and strong”; “May I be able to live in this world happily, peacefully, joyfully, with ease.”^{[12]
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  - Next, still sitting comfortably and breathing from your chest, move your thoughts to someone you love unconditionally, and send them the same good thoughts.^{[13]
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  - After that, move on to a more neutral person, again reciting the words of loving-kindess, replacing the word “I” with their name.^{[14]
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  - Finally, move on to someone you have difficulty with, or dislike, and again repeat the words of loving-kindess. If you have difficulty doing this, start each phrase with “To the best of my ability I wish that you be…”^{[15]
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8
Stay curious. Being curious means keeping an open mind and having a willingness to explore new thoughts and ideas, among other things. Make curiosity a part of who you are, and you'll discover that life has a lot to offer.^{[16]
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Research source} Ways to foster curiosity:
- Explore your own thoughts and emotions. When you have a thought, don't just accept it as truth; be curious and ask yourself why you had that thought. You can do the same with others when they express ideas that are new to you or that you may not agree with.
- When you hear about something you don't know, look it up online, or ask someone to explain it to you.
- Instead of always eating the same food at your favourite restaurant, try something new — better yet, try a new restaurant! You might even consider finding out how your favourite dishes are made, and then trying to make them for yourself at home.
9
Consider spirituality. Many people claim that spirituality helps them enjoy life. You don't have to subscribe to a religion to be spiritual; being spiritual can also be achieved through mindfulness and meditation techniques, or practising yoga, for example.^{[17]
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Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Changing Your Behaviour

1
Meditate every day. Research has found that meditation can physically change the brain, making you more clear-headed and satisfied with life.^{[18]
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Research source} Try the following meditation exercise:
- Put aside 20 minutes of free time and sit comfortably in as calm and quiet a place as possible.
- Center your attention on something — for example, your breathing, an image, or even a mantra.
- When your mind wanders (and it will), don't get angry; gently bring your focus back to the thing you chose — do this until the meditation is over.
- Gently close your meditation, slowly bringing your awareness back to where you are now.
2
Get organized. Getting organized can help you feel more in control of your life. It involves anything from blocking out your time each day to cleaning up your home and getting rid of things you no longer need.^{[19]
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- One great way to gain some control over your day-to-day life is to block out your time in an hourly diary:
  - Choose a diary that shows your entire week over a two-page spread. Beneath each day there should be squares representing at least 12 hours of your day: from the time you wake up to the time you get home from work/school.
  - At the start of each week, block out how you will spend your time each day. Start with the things you must get done and then move down your list in order of priority.
  - Example: 7:00-7:10 a.m. Wake up; 7:10-7:45 do yoga; 7:45-8:30 shower/get dressed, 8:30-9:00 make/eat breakfast; 9:00-9:45 travel to work; 9:45-10:00 settle in; 10:30 check emails; 10:30-12:30 data entry; 12:30-1:30 lunch; and so on.
  - Note that things will not always go as planned, and that's okay. What you block into your diary doesn't have to be set in stone; it's meant to be a guideline to help you gain some control over your time, and meet your goals.
3
Get to know yourself. If you don't know what makes you happy, you probably won't be very happy. Explore new interests, socialize with people whose company you enjoy, note the things you like and don't like.
- Part of getting to know yourself could be keeping a daily journal. This will help you sort out your thoughts about things. Try to write in your journal every day - aim for three pages a day. Keep track of your feelings, likes and dislikes, successes etc.
4
Do things you enjoy. Life can begin to feel pretty dull if virtually all you do is eat, sleep, and work. Making an effort to get outside of that routine — for example through socializing or exploring new hobbies (ex., music, films, reading, art, sports) — will help you feel more fulfilled in life.
- Do things that make you laugh: see a funny movie, watch a comedy special on TV, hang out with funny people, play with a cat or dog, or do whatever it is that gets you laughing. Laughing and smiling, even when you don't feel like it, can help boost your mood.
5
Socialize. Connecting with other people is a great way to get out of your own head and enjoy life. Who you socialize with is important: make sure that you socialize with people who make you feel like the best version of you; avoid hanging out with people who make you feel negative or bad in any way.
6
Get off the Internet. Studies have linked Internet overuse with depression.^{[20]
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Research source} Make sure that you spend time away from the Internet every day. Some things to do instead:
- Read a book.
- Watch an inspiring film.
- Learn how to play an instrument, or take up painting or some other creative art.
- Go for a walk.
- Socialize with some friends.
- Join a club or sports team.
7
Always do your best. Sometimes your best might be just to get out of bed; other days, it might be to do so much more — having a very productive day at work and exercising and socializing with people you love at night.
- Allow yourself to be changeable and have good days and bad days, but always do your best, whatever it may be on a specific day.
8
Be forgiving. If you hold on to anger about things that have happened in your past, you'll have trouble being happy. Forgive others and forgive yourself. This doesn't mean forgetting; it's more about letting go of anger. One doctor suggests the following exercise:^{[21]
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- Identify someone you're angry with. Don't start with someone with whom you have deep-seated issues; start with someone who will likely be easier to forgive, like that person who cut you off in traffic the other day, or someone who pushed past you in the hallway at school, if you're still holding on to that.
- Get the anger out. Write your feelings down in a journal; discuss your feelings with friends, a therapist, or other supportive people. Work out whether you want to raise the issue with anyone.
- Picture the person in your mind, and ask yourself what they might have been dealing with on a person level, for them to have treated you that way. Putting yourself in their shoes will help you view them with more compassion, and may help you to forgive them.
- Note that this doesn't make their actions okay. You do not have to put up with people treating you poorly. The goal of the exercise is merely to help you release your anger about the event, so that you can move on and feel happier in life.

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Trying Different Exercises to Boost Enjoyment

1
Smile. Studies have shown that our emotions are reinforced and perhaps even driven by our facial expressions: smiling can make you feel happy; frowning can make you feel sad.^{[22]
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- If you're feeling down, try smiling for at least 30 seconds to see if it helps boost your mood a little.
- You might even try smiling in the mirror and making silly faces — you might even get yourself laughing.
2
Redecorate. Redecorating can help you feel as though you're making a fresh start. You can do this even if you don't have any money, simply by rearranging your room, or giving it a thorough clean and getting rid of things you no longer need.
- Cover your walls with things that inspire you — for example, pictures of places you'd like to visit, or people who inspire you or make you feel happy.
- Find your favourite photo of you and someone (or some people) you love. If it's not already printed out, print it and frame it, and put it in a prominent place in your home.
3
Pamper yourself. Take some alone time once in a while and treat yourself.
- Buy yourself that book you've been wanting to read. Take a few hours to sit in a comfy chair and read it while sipping your favourite tea.
- Have a bath in epsom salts and put on a nice moisturizer on afterward.
- Have a spa day.
4
Love the skin you're in. If you feel uncomfortable in your body, you'll likely have trouble enjoying yourself. Try doing daily exercises like looking in the mirror and naming 5 things you love about yourself — not 5 things you hate.
- If you can't name 5, name as many as you can. Each day try to increase the number until you can list 10 or 20 things about yourself that you like.
- Almost no one will love everything about themselves; just try to like as much as you can. You are beautiful in your own unique way.
5
Do a good deed. The popular saying, “to give is better than to receive,” is true for many people. Studies have shown that the same parts in our brain light up when giving gifts as when receiving them.^{[23]
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Trustworthy Source
Association for Psychological Science
Nonprofit organization devoted promoting trustworthy research and education in the psychological sciences
Go to source} Examples of good deeds:
- Try volunteering for a cause you believe in, even if it's only for a few hours a month.
- Help a friend, relative, colleague, or neighbor with something you know they could use help with — for example, mowing the lawn, organizing their files, driving to the grocery store, packing up to move.
6
Distract yourself. Sometimes you need to get out of your head. Clean your house, doodle until you've filled a page, dance around to your favourite song, or sing at the top of your lungs to it.
- Allow yourself a few moments of distracted enjoyment as often as you can — no matter how bad you feel or how much you feel you may not deserve it.

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I just enjoy life?

Amy Wong
Leadership & Transformational Coach
Amy Eliza Wong is a Leadership and Transformational Coach and the Founder of Always on Purpose, a private practice for individuals and executives looking for help in increasing personal well-being and success and in transforming work cultures, developing leaders, and improving retention. With over 20 years of experience, Amy coaches one-on-one and conducts workshops and keynotes for businesses, medical practices, non-profits, and universities. Based in the San Francisco Bay Area, Amy is a regular instructor at Stanford Continuing Studies, holds an MA in Transpersonal Psychology from Sofia University, a certification in Transformational Life Coaching from Sofia University, and a certification in Conversational Intelligence from CreatingWE Institute.

Amy Wong

Leadership & Transformational Coach

Expert Answer

If your current reality is that you're not happy, think about your desired feeling state and the possible ways you can put yourself in situations that are more likely to make you feel that way.