How to Ditch Insincere Friends

Last Updated: June 9, 2022 References

Fake and insincere people can really bring you down, and it’s even worse if they’re your friends. Fortunately, you don’t have to put up with it. There are plenty of ways you can kindly, but firmly end your friendship with people who don’t have your best interests at heart. It can be tough, which is why we’ve put together a helpful list of ways you can ditch insincere friends without all of the drama so you can live your best life.

1

Reach out and ask them to meet up with you.

Tell them you want to talk about your friendship. Send your friend a text or give them a call telling them you need to get together with them. Set up a face-to-face meeting so you can fully explain yourself and so you can both hear each other’s voices and see each other’s faces, which can help prevent things from being misunderstood or misinterpreted.

Tell them that you need to talk about your relationship with them so they don’t think you want to just meet up to hang out.^{[1]
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- Even if you’re really upset with your friend, talking face-to-face can really convey exactly how strong you feel and how serious you are about ending your friendship.
- Don’t break up with your friend over text if you can help it. It’s really impersonal and they may not take you as seriously.
- If you have a whole group of fake friends you need to ditch, approach them one by one. Each of them deserves to know how you feel and why you want to put an end to things.^{[2]
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2

Avoid involving other people if you can.

Talk to your friend before you talk to anyone else. Even if you’re feeling unsure of what to do about your insincere friend, try to keep things between you and them.

If you tell other friends that you’re thinking of ending your friendship first, it could get back to your insincere friend, which will only make a bigger mess. Wait until you’ve had a chance to discuss things with your insincere friend before you spread the word.^{[3]
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- If you’re really torn up about it, you could try talking to someone who isn’t connected to your friend about how you’re feeling, such as a relative or a therapist.

3

Meet somewhere neutral to talk with them.

Go somewhere relatively private that isn’t too familiar. Avoid places where you and your friend spent a lot of time together as well as personal spaces like either of your homes.

Choose a place that isn’t too public so you can talk privately such as a coffee shop or park and try to pick one that neither of you have been to before so you (or they) aren’t likely to go there again and be reminded about the breakup.^{[4]
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- Pick a cafe on the other side of town instead of your favorite bar or restaurant.

4

Tell them honestly how you feel about them.

Be direct and stay focused on your reasons for ending the friendship. It’s easy to try to slip into indirect, vague language when you’re face-to-face with your friend and trying to end your relationship. Stick to the essentials by talking about your feelings and how your friendship is affecting you.^{[5]
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- You could say something like, “I haven’t been feeling great about our friendship. I feel like I’m not a priority and like my feelings don’t seem to matter.”

5

Be kind and tell them that you want to end your friendship.

No matter what your reasons, it’s best to kill them with kindness. When it comes time to do the deed, do it with compassion. Tell your friend that you think it’s best for the two of you to part ways.

Explain that you appreciate your time as friends and you’ll keep the happy memories, but that you believe it’ll be better for everyone if friendship came to an end.^{[6]
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- You could say something along the lines of, “I don’t regret any of the good times. We had a lot of fun together, but I think at this point we need to go our separate ways so we can both grow as people.”
- Remember that at one point you were really close. Give them the kindness they deserve.

6

Use “I” statements when you talk to them.

Take accountability for your standards and avoid putting it all on them. Keep the conversation kind and as peaceful as possible by framing everything you say as an “I” statement instead of a “you” statement, which can feel like you’re accusing them. Explain your reasons for ending your friendship from the perspective of your own thoughts and feelings.^{[7]
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- Try something like, “I feel like I’m just not as connected to this friendship as I once was” instead of something like, “You never talk to me anymore unless you need something from me.”

7

Give them a chance to respond to you.

See if there’s a chance you can repair your friendship. After you’ve laid all of your feelings out on the table, allow your friend to speak their mind as well. Avoid interrupting them and let them tell you how they feel, even if they’re upset or angry. The news may have hurt their feelings, and you should let them talk to you about it.

If they still really want to be friends, you can hear them out and maybe change your mind. But if you’re committed to ending the friendship, that’s okay, too.^{[8]
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Maybe you telling your friend that you want to end your friendship will make them evaluate how they’ve been treating you and potentially change. But you’re not obligated to accept their apologies if you feel really hurt.

8

Talk to a trusted friend after the breakup.

It’s okay to grieve the end of your relationship. It’s totally normal and okay to feel hurt and upset after you lose a friend, even if the breakup was for the best. Reach out to someone you trust and talk to them about how you’re feeling. They can help comfort you while you move on.^{[9]
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- Reach out to another close friend, sibling, or even a family member. They may offer some helpful advice or they can just be a shoulder for you to cry on.

9

Remove your former friend from social media.

It can help you move on more easily. If you’re really committed to ending your friendship, it can help to remove as much of your former friend from your life as possible. If you’re friends with them on social media, unfollow them so you won’t see their stuff all of the time and so they can’t snoop around your life, either.^{[10]
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10

Do things you enjoy to help yourself move on.

Have fun and keep yourself busy. Revisit some of your old hobbies or spend some time outdoors enjoying yourself. You could also try something new like yoga, hiking, or even a boxing class. You can also always spend time with people you love. Focus on making yourself happy after you ditch your fake friend. You deserve it!^{[11]
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- You can also just veg out at home and catch up on your favorite shows or watch your favorite movies. Self-care is important.

11

Look for new friends who accept you for who you are.

Good friends will listen to you and share things about themselves. As you heal and move on, think about what kind of people you want to let into your life. Look for friends who are genuinely interested in your life, and listen to you without judging or trying to control you. Choose friends who are willing to grow and evolve with you and who put in about the same amount of effort into the friendship that you do.

Choose people who not only accept you but also feel comfortable sharing things about themselves with you. You deserve kind and supportive friends, and they’re out there!^{[12]
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You don’t have to immediately get out and start looking for new friends, but as you meet new people, think about whether or not their qualities would make them a good friend for you.

Community Q&A

Question

What if they threaten to make my life not worth living if I leave them?

Community Answer

All the more reason to leave them. This is an abusive comment and more evidence that they are not worthy of your friendship. Just ignore them. If you feel like you are genuinely being threatened, take your concerns to an authority figure (teacher, police, etc.).
Question

What if I have two friends ganging up on another friend?

Community Answer

Then maybe you should step in and tell your other friends to cut it out. After all, are you really a friend to someone if you don't defend them when people are ganging up on them?
Question

How can I ditch a friend I am emotionally attached to?

Community Answer

You can't be clingy. I understand what you are going through. Tell him how you truly feel. Stay strong.

Warnings

If your friend becomes physically or emotionally abusive, leave right away. If they try to hurt you, call the police.

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