How to Detect a Playgirl

Last Updated: March 11, 2023 References

Don't get played. Playgirls are typically women who expect a certain high-class lifestyle and will manipulate to get what they want. You might be a single cog in a complicated wheel of relationships. If you want to know whether or not a girl you've been spending time with might be playing you for a fool, learn some basic warning signs, and how to negotiate the relationship safely.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Noticing the Signs of a Playgirl

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She expects an expensive lifestyle. Playgirls are generally characterized by their desire for a wealthy lifestyle, one supported by a variety of male admirers all competing for her attentions. If a girl seems particularly obsessed by material wealth and status, it might not mean anything about your relationship, but it could signify a playgirl in the making.^{[1]
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Research source} Look out for the following warning signs that a girl might be somewhat materialistic, and also just crummy kind of date:
- She refuses to split a tab
- She wants to go expensive places right away
- She mocks servers or waitstaff
- She refuses things like public transportation
- She mentions how "spoiled" she is, or wants to be
- She seems concerned with her attire, or with yours
- She doesn't seem to do anything for money
- She doesn't seem to care how much money she spends
- She usually wears expensive clothes, purses, and has lots of necklaces and earrings
2
She has a lot of admirers. Playgirls sometimes require a big social network of admirers, friends, hangers-on, and lovers. These admirers are used by playgirls for support and self-esteem boosting. If a girl is regularly surrounded by guys they use to get attention and affection, you might be another in a long line.
- Playgirls sometimes use male friends as possible prospects while at the same time exploiting the kindness that their friends are giving them. Playgirls often use these massive social networks to create some kind of a seductive web to entice other guys.
- Playgirls may also sometimes brag about how many men they have rejected, or how "hard to get" they are.
3
She talks badly about other women. Playgirls will often look on women as competition, rather than potential friends. If a girl regularly criticizes girls you know or strangers on the street based on little more than looks, it's not a great sign. If a girl gets jealous of any time you spend around other women, including friends, coworkers, and even relatives, that's also not a great sign.
4
She's only available to be with you on a very limited schedule.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Courtney Quinlan
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 27 August 2021.} Playgirls date a lot of people at the same time. If you're worried a girl might be playing the field on the sly, one typical sign will be that she's unable to see you at different times of the day. If a girl seems extremely busy socially, and can't make time for you to be together during the week, it might be a sign that she's seeing a lot of other guys.
- Try an experiment. If you've got a date set up for one day, call her and try to switch it up on the fly, and see if she's amenable. If she's really offended, it might not be a great sign. At the same time, if she does this to you regularly, it could be a sign she's got a lot going on with other guys.
- If you've just started dating someone, it's not really any of your business who she hangs out with other than you. Try to remember that there's nothing wrong with playing the field and have an open conversation with her, instead of getting angry about her other dates.
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She pouts. A classic sign of emotional manipulation and immaturity is pouting. Adults can take disappointment and rejection in stride, and are able to move on without falling apart. Playgirls act like, well, girls. If a girl you're seeing can't get a particular table at a restaurant, or tickets to a particular show, and then promptly falls into a pouty funk, that's not a great sign.^{[3]
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- Getting upset about something serious is one thing, but pouting about something petty is another. You can't expect someone to be happy all the time, so try to distinguish between the two.^{[4]
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6
She struggles to communicate in meaningful ways. Playgirls don't want to have serious, deep, or emotional conversations with you. They want to use you for what you're worth, and then move on. If you've been seeing a girl for a while but have never had an actual conversation, that could be a sign of a playgirl, when considered in tandem with other qualities from this list.
- Try an experiment. Decide that you want to talk about the future, or about your childhood, or some other serious topic. If the girl is excited to deepen your emotional bond, good! If not, it could be a sign you're dating someone superficial.
- Sometimes, playgirls may Try to work from conversation "scripts" as well, which usually don't last longer than an hour or so on dates. If a girl totally runs out of interesting things to say at a certain point, it could be a sign that she's kind of vapid.
7
She switches between hot and cold. If you're not clear whether or not she even likes you, that might be a manipulation tactic. Showing warmth and love and then withholding it is an excellent way of getting a guy locked in and wanting more. If a girl seems like she can't get enough of you one minute and you're a stranger the next, it might be a sign of manipulation.^{[5]
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- When you see or talk to a playgirl, she will sometimes do just enough to make you feel "special," stringing you along. She might try to make up to you for being absent, but then will continue the behavior, ignoring calls or texts.

Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

Dating Playgirls

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Make your expectations of the relationship clear. There are all kinds of different relationships, and it's your job to make sure you're both on the same page when you're starting a new one. If you're dating someone and you want it to be exclusive, don't automatically assume that the other person will feel the same way. Make your desires for the relationship clear and respect her desires for it as well.^{[6]
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- What do you want out of a relationship? If you want someone to spend time with that you feel an emotional connection to a few times a week, what's the big deal? If you want a committed and serious relationship, let her know in the early stages.
- If you don't like what you hear, don't try to change her, or yourself. Just end the relationship. There are lots of people to date. Don't get stuck on someone you're incompatible with.
2
Communicate openly. The most important part of any relationship is communication. If you're suspicious that a girl you're seeing might be inclined to cheat on you, talk to her about monogamy. Talk to her about being in a committed relationship. Tell her that you feel like you're not as close as you'd like to be.^{[7]
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- If you're unsure how to bring up the subject, just say something simple like, "Where do you see this relationship going?" If you get a vague answer, push for a specific one. If she says she wants to be exclusive, but behaves in a way counter to it, then talk to her about it.
- If you don't like what she has to say in return, or she doesn't follow up with what she says she'll do, then end the relationship. You're not powerless in this situation.
3
Keep your pocketbook in check. You can't buy love.^{[8]
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Research source} If a girl you're seeing makes her presence conditional on you buying things or you furnishing expensive or lavish lifestyle gifts upon her, then you're in a bad situation. If you suspect a girl you're seeing might be playing you for what's in your pocketbook, refrain from opening it up when you're out. See what happens.
- If she stops calling you altogether, consider yourself lucky. You just freed yourself of someone who only loved you for your money. If your relationship improves, then follow that path and try to change your relationship to money in your dating habits.
- Don't disclose anything like personal finance and keep away from the girls who question your salary. Any girl who makes it obvious or points out how she wants this or that is most likely a playgirl.
- Try not to go looking for signs of "gold-digging." If it's there, it'll be obvious. Most people will be happy to have dinner purchased for them. It's not automatically a sign of something amiss. An obsession with stuff and material gifts, though, is.
4
Be cautious in the bedroom. Attraction is both emotional and sexual. A lot of playgirls understand that sexual attraction plays a fairly central role in manipulating a guy. While all playgirls are different, and all sexual relationships are different, it's very important that you practice safe sex, especially if you're not sure your relationship is exclusive.^{[9]
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Watch for signs of unfaithfulness. Playgirls sometimes practice unfaithfulness to avoid having their attention focus on a single guy. This strategy detracts them from falling in love and help prevent them from getting too serious. Always talk openly with your girlfriend about the expectations of your relationship, and decide on the terms mutually.^{[10]
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- Some people are in open-relationships, which can occasionally work. Whatever the case, you need to be on the same page.
6
End the relationship if necessary. Relationships aren't supposed to be conditional. If you feel like a girl is only spending time with you based on your money, or because of some service you provide her, stop seeing her. There's nothing wrong with ending a relationship that leaves you unfulfilled, or that has no room to grow.^{[11]
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Research source} Get out now before it gets worse.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you tell if a girl is playing games?

Courtney Quinlan
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Courtney Quinlan is a Matchmaker and Dating Coach and the Owner of Midwest Matchmaking. With over 15 years of experience, she specializes in finding individuals a compatible partner, providing guidance throughout the dating process, and crafting events for singles in the Midwest. Courtney holds a BS in Broadcast Journalism from The University of Nebraska at Omaha.

Courtney Quinlan

Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Pay attention to how she interacts with you. She might play some sort of "waiting game," where she intentionally waits several hours before texting you.
Question

How do you tell if she just wants a fling?

Courtney Quinlan
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Courtney Quinlan is a Matchmaker and Dating Coach and the Owner of Midwest Matchmaking. With over 15 years of experience, she specializes in finding individuals a compatible partner, providing guidance throughout the dating process, and crafting events for singles in the Midwest. Courtney holds a BS in Broadcast Journalism from The University of Nebraska at Omaha.

Courtney Quinlan

Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Take note of where and when she's willing to hang out. A playgirl might only available late at night, and she may only want to get together casually, like for drinks. Plus, she probably won't ask very many questions about your life when you do get together.
Question

How do you find out if a girl is talking to another guy?

Courtney Quinlan
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Courtney Quinlan is a Matchmaker and Dating Coach and the Owner of Midwest Matchmaking. With over 15 years of experience, she specializes in finding individuals a compatible partner, providing guidance throughout the dating process, and crafting events for singles in the Midwest. Courtney holds a BS in Broadcast Journalism from The University of Nebraska at Omaha.

Courtney Quinlan

Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Answer

See what she does with her phone when you're around! A playgirl may constantly be flipping her phone over, which could be a sign that she's getting texts from other guys.

Warnings

When Vagueness/ambiguity is detected always take precautionary steps. Always trust your instincts.^{[12]
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