Effective Ways to Deal with Arrogant Colleagues at Work

Handle obnoxious coworkers with poise and grace

Co-authored by Devin Jones and Janice Tieperman

Last Updated: May 24, 2022 References

Arrogant colleagues are about as pleasant as a salty cup of coffee. These individuals can bulldoze over you in simple conversations and pollute basic workplace interactions with unnecessary, egotistical, and often hurtful remarks, which can make it tough to get through the day. Unfortunately, there’s no secret code word or statement that can make your co-worker pleasant to be around. Thankfully, there are plenty of ways to cope and stay productive in the workplace, whether you’re reserved or outgoing.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Addressing Toxic Behavior

1
Stay calm whenever you speak with them. It’s perfectly normal to feel heated and angry when someone talks down to you. While it may be tempting to jump into a yelling match, raising your voice will only make the situation more uncomfortable. If you decide to talk with your colleague, pick a time when you’re feeling completely calm and in control of your thoughts and feelings.^{[1]
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- Don’t enter a conversation angry—while your feelings are justified, this will only lead to more conflict. Instead, give yourself a few minutes to cool off before jumping back into things.
2
Assert yourself if they’re being arrogant to your face. Confrontation can be really scary, but sometimes it’s the only way to get your point across. Correct the person immediately if they’re saying something you don’t like or agree with. If you continue to stand up for yourself, your colleague might back off.^{[2]
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- For instance, if your colleague calls you demeaning nicknames, say something like, “I don’t like that nickname. Please call me by my real name.”
- You can also say something like, “I understand and respect that you’re well-educated, but I don’t appreciate you speaking to me like I’m not.”
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3
Speak with them privately about their behavior. It's important to be able to have open conversations about frustrating experiences.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Devin Jones
Career Coach
Expert Interview. 5 April 2020.} However, not all conversations have to be an obvious confrontation. Ask the colleague if you can talk with them in private, where you can air out how you’re feeling. Explain how some of their behavior or comments make you feel, and see if you can reach a compromise in the workplace.^{[4]
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- For instance, you can say, “I really appreciate your friendliness, but it feels like you’re talking down to me whenever we have a conversation.”
- Additionally, say something like, “You probably didn’t mean to sound hurtful, but the way you spoke to me back there was really disrespectful.”
- Really listen to what your colleague has to say, too—sometimes the two of you might be butting heads because you have different approaches to a project.^{[5]
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  Expert Source
  
  Devin Jones
  Career Coach
  Expert Interview. 5 April 2020.}
4
Ask probing questions to your colleague about their arrogance. Many arrogant people don’t expect questions to their claims and statements, which is where you can grab the upper hand. In a respectful tone, ask honest questions about the story or statement that your colleague is saying. Chances are, you might be able to take some of the wind out of their sails.^{[6]
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- For example, you can ask questions like, “Why do you believe that?” or “What sources do you have to back that up?”
- Other questions like “Where did you hear that?” or “Why do you feel so strongly?” might also help put them off-guard.
5
Defend yourself with factual information. Do your homework before presenting anything at a meeting to your coworkers. Hand out an agenda outlining the current schedule for the meeting, along with facts and sources to back up your points. If the coworker tries to one-up you, you’ll be ready to defend yourself!^{[7]
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- If your colleague tends to criticize your work performance, spend time reflecting on what you bring to the table. Understand what your strengths are, and think about how you can articulate that.^{[8]
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  Expert Source
  
  Devin Jones
  Career Coach
  Expert Interview. 5 April 2020.}
6
Pick your battles. Not all arguments are worth having, even if you’re completely justified in your thoughts and feelings. It’s great to defend and assert yourself, but if the person is perpetually arrogant and rude, it might not be worth the effort. Develop a few stock replies that you can toss around when they’re in your vicinity, which will diffuse any unpleasant conversation.^{[9]
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- For example, you can say something like, “Thanks for the suggestion,” or “Thanks for your input” so they stop bothering you.
- “I’ll keep that in mind” is another good stock phrase to have on hand.
7
Report them if their behavior is negatively affecting the workplace. Take a look at how other people in the workplace feel. If this individual is seriously impacting morale and bringing down the workplace, mention it to your superior or an HR rep. Don’t worry about being a “tattletale”—your mental health, as well as the mental health of others, is way more important than a single colleague’s ego.^{[10]
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- Don’t report your co-worker if they’re just being annoying. Only report them if their arrogance is seriously toxic or harmful to the workplace.

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Changing Your Perspective

1
Examine your own attitude and behavior for blind spots. Talk to a trusted friend or loved one and tell them what’s going on at your workplace. Ask them for their honest opinion—since you’re close to a situation, it can be tricky to see things from a neutral perspective. Don’t blame yourself for what’s going on at work, but use this conversation as a way to get extra insights on what’s going on.^{[11]
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- For example, a friend could point out a possible trigger or reason for their arrogant behavior that you didn’t notice before.
- Sometimes, people are just rude without any real rhyme or reason, which could be the case in your situation.
2
Offer empathy when you’re around the arrogant person. Don’t respond to arrogance with more arrogance, as this will just make the situation more toxic. Instead, try to view things from your colleague’s perspective. In many cases, arrogance is a defense mechanism for low self-confidence, or it could be the result of something else going on in their lives. Showing compassion can not only help diffuse a situation, but may also help you feel better in the long run.^{[12]
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- For instance, a coworker may be acting arrogant because they have a tough home life, or because they were passed over for a promotion.
- If a colleague is bragging about an accomplishment, say something genuine like, “I’m happy to hear that. Congratulations on your success.”
3
Treat your colleague with kindness. Sometimes, people act arrogant when they feel threatened by those around them. To deal with this, stroke your coworker’s ego a bit, which might take the target off your back. Sucking up to someone definitely isn’t fun, but it can save you time and mental energy in the long run.^{[13]
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- For instance, you can shower with comments like “Thank you for your help,” or offer them compliments.
- You can also say something like, “I really appreciate your help and insights on this project.”
4
Be a good example when you’re around them. Arrogant people tend to brag about having solutions or answers to everything. Show this individual that it’s okay to not know everything by admitting that you don’t have the answer to something. This kind of honesty can open a lot of doors, and can even lead to a healthy, vulnerable conversation with the person in question.^{[14]
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- For instance, if you’re working with an arrogant colleague on a project, don’t be afraid to say if you don’t know how to do something.
5
Look at their arrogance through a positive or humorous lens. Sarcasm probably won’t get you very far, but a positive attitude can really guide an arrogant conversation to new heights. Plaster on a smile whenever you deal with an arrogant individual, even if their behavior really gets on your nerves. Try to come up with tasteful quips when the person is being a know-it-all, which can help lighten the mood.^{[15]
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- For instance, if your colleague is bragging about a great workout he had at the gym, you can say something like, “With that kind of stamina, maybe you could babysit my kids for a night.”
- If they’re being unnecessarily arrogant by sharing lots of information in a conversation, say something like, “You should join my team for trivia night."
- Look for your coworkers' strengths and think about how they can best contribute when you're working on projects together. Remember, everyone on your team operates differently, and you have to be able to work with a lot of different personalities.^{[16]
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  Expert Source
  
  Devin Jones
  Career Coach
  Expert Interview. 5 April 2020.}
6
Don’t take their arrogance personally. It can be easy to feel annoyed or insulted after talking with an arrogant, egotistical colleague. At the end of the day, their arrogance only reflects on their insecurities and issues, and has nothing to do with you. Instead, celebrate your own strengths and accomplishments!^{[17]
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Expert Q&A

Question

Why do I keep running into conflict with the same person at work?

Devin Jones
Career Coach
Devin Jones is the creator of “The Soul Career," an online career incubator for women. She is certified in the CliftonStrengths assessment and works with women to clarify their purpose and create meaningful careers. Devin received her BA from Stanford University in 2013.

Devin Jones

Career Coach

Expert Answer

You might just work differently. That's why it's really important to understand your strengths as well as the strengths of everyone on your team. People operate differently, and what's energizing and exciting to you might be draining for them. Try to have open conversations about that so you can move through those frustrating experiences.