This article was co-authored by Sabrina Grover, LMSW. Sabrina Grover, LMSW is a Licensed Master Social Worker (LMSW) who earned her degree in Advanced Clinical Practice from New York University. Sabrina has experience working in substance abuse recovery centers and schools where she gained experience providing evidence-based treatment to children, adolescents, adults, and families. Sabrina specializes in Dialectical, Narrative, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapies. She has particular expertise in treating clients struggling with grief, complex trauma, interpersonal difficulty, family conflict, anxiety, and depression. She commits to providing a supportive environment for everyone who commits to growth and offering a warm, non-judgmental atmosphere.
There are 9 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
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Enemies and haters can be annoying and their comments and insults can upset you. Learning how to deal with it includes facing your own projected fears and seeing the human being in the other person.
Steps
Responding to the Enemy
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1If you know why they hate you, be mature and apologize if it was your fault.[3] Holding grudges against people and not apologizing can sometimes seem like the reasonable thing to do but in the end, if it’s your fault, only you can fix it. Apologize to them seriously, and if they don’t accept it, there isn’t much more you can do than ignore them.[4]
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2Show them respect as you show to your friends; when they need help, help them. This will show them that you are friendly and kind. Give them compliments and try not to sound hurtful, don't judge them if they say bad stuff back.[5] And if these things don't work out, just tell your friends and they can cool you down, and take a deep breath and try again. Never be offended, but if did, try not to lose control. "Control" is important, when things gets messed up, control yourself, or make excuses to get out of the situation instead of losing your mind trying to settle things.
- Treat your "enemy" well and see if they respond in a reasonable way. If not, others will see that you have tried and some (perhaps most) will respect you for trying. The other people are the people whose respect is worth having.
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3If you try to help people who are purportedly hostile and they retaliate unkindly, stop helping. This only contributes to them taking advantage of your kindness. Do not give enemies one ounce of your energy. By helping anyone, especially enemies, you may be giving something to someone who doesn't "deserve" it. Your best bet is to ground out their energy (return it to Earth/heaven/God/etc) and forget about it. Don't worry- they will get exactly what they deserve that way.
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4Ignore whatever this person says.[6] They are probably only insulting you because they are jealous. No matter what they say, it can’t offend you unless you let it. Just remember when they say something nasty to you, they want you to react. So pretend you didn’t hear it. Don’t acknowledge them or give them any attention for it. If they continue insulting you or bothering you in any way, walk away from them. Don’t look at them or talk to them; just walk away. After a few times of you doing this they will probably get bored and stop picking on you.
- Once you have tried everything to solve, turn them over to the universe and walk away (mentally, if you can't actually leave).
- They have their own issues to work out. Ignore them and focus on your own strength and positive attributes.
- Always remember that you can't please all the people all the time. It's impossible. Doing the best you can at the time is all you should expect of yourself or others.
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5If this person starts being violent towards you or continue offending you or upsetting you, and ignoring them is not helping, tell them that their behavior is upsetting you and tell them that they have no reason for it. If they still carry on, you will have to learn to stop being upset by their comments and realize that whatever they say is probably a lie.[7]
Community Q&A
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QuestionWhat do I do if my enemies ignore me and keep talking behind my back during class?
Community AnswerJust ignore them like they do with you. Focus on your friends and being who you are - don't let your enemies' problems be your problems. You can't control what other people do, so don't try. Generally, if bullies see that you are unfazed by their harassment, they will get bored and stop. -
QuestionHow should I deal with a person who stares at me while threatening me?Community AnswerJust look right into their eyes, firmly and confidently. Smile at them and then leave. That's how to show them that you don't care.
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QuestionWhat should I do if she spreads rumors about me?
Community AnswerYou know the truth, and so do your real friends. Shake it off. She's probably just jealous because you're so great!
Warnings
- Never be scared of them.⧼thumbs_response⧽
- Never act like those losers.⧼thumbs_response⧽
- Ignore them, you don't have to be their friend.⧼thumbs_response⧽
- When you talk to them, think before you talk.⧼thumbs_response⧽
- They are only enemies and only do that to gain attention.⧼thumbs_response⧽
- Never try to hurt them when they are being mean.⧼thumbs_response⧽
- Don't back talk to them.⧼thumbs_response⧽
References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/wander-woman/201209/what-do-when-someone-doesn-t-you
- ↑ https://lifehacker.com/how-not-to-care-when-people-dont-like-you-1823964733
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-make-an-adept-sincere-apology/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-dance-connection/201409/the-9-rules-true-apologies
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200403/the-art-the-compliment
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sapient-nature/201603/how-not-worry-about-what-others-think-you
- ↑ https://lifehacker.com/how-to-handle-being-bullied-as-an-adult-1726099137
- ↑ https://www.huffpost.com/entry/kkeeping-good-company-why-you-should-surround-yourself-with-good-people_b_6816468
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201802/5-ways-get-along-the-people-who-bother-you
About This Article
To deal with enemies, try your best to ignore them since they're probably just jealous or trying to get a reaction out of you. Even though it's hard, don't take the things they do personally. Instead, focus your energy on the people who really care about you, because being with your friends can help you realize that it doesn’t matter what your haters say! Finally, show your enemies that you’re the bigger person by treating them with the same respect you’d give a friend when you see them. Keep reading for tips on how to respond if your enemy goes from mean to violent!
