How to Cope with an Unemployed Husband

Co-authored by Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: November 9, 2021 References

When your spouse loses their job, it’s easy to feel scared and overwhelmed right away. Fortunately, there are many things you can do to take control of the situation and lift your spirits as well as your husband’s. In this article, we’ll describe some ways you can cope with negative emotions and make ends meet while your husband looks for his next job.

1

Validate your husband’s feelings.

Your husband might be feeling ashamed, angry, or sad. He could be feeling a combination of all 3, or he could be feeling none of them. Sit down with him and talk, and let him know that what he’s feeling is okay. The more you can be there for him emotionally, the better he will feel.^{[1]
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- Ask him to share what's going on and how he feels about it. Then, give him the space to talk about it.^{[2]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC
  Licensed Professional Counselor
  Expert Interview. 27 October 2021.}
- It may help to remind him that you’re both on the same team. For instance, you might say, “This situation isn’t the best, but I’m always here to support you. We’ll get through this together.”
- Or, “I understand that you feel angry and a little scared. I do, too! But we’re going to stick together and figure this out as a team.”

2

Don’t blame him for losing his job.

It can be easy to resent your husband for your situation. However, try to remember that your husband probably feels bad about losing his job, too. It’s okay to talk about your own feelings, but try to keep any blame you might feel to yourself. Instead of pitting yourself against him, try to band together and stay strong during this tough time.^{[3]
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- Say something like, “Try not to blame yourself. Let’s start looking toward the future instead of wallowing in the past.”
- Or, “I feel a little scared about the situation, but I’m not mad at you. Let’s just take this one step at a time.”
- Even if he is to blame, he probably already knows that he messed up. Blaming him will only drive you two apart, which isn’t good for either of you.

3

Encourage your husband to look toward the future.

Try not to wallow in what happened in the past. Instead, talk to your husband about his next steps, and try to spin his job loss into a positive. If he didn’t really like his job, maybe this can be a nice time for a change. If he’s been wanting to try out a new career, perhaps he can head back to school to try a new path. Whatever your husband can do to stay positive is the way to go.^{[4]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- You might say something like, “This seems bad, but all we can do is look toward the future. It happened, so now we’ve just got to keep moving.”

4

Help your husband practice self-care.

Losing a job is extremely stressful, and can lead to poor health. The more your husband practices self-care, the better. Have him go for a relaxing nature walk, take a bubble bath, or listen to good music. If he lowers his stress levels, he’ll probably be able to focus more on finding a job, too.^{[5]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- Self-care is important for you, too! Having an unemployed spouse is stressful, so be sure to set aside some time for yourself throughout the day.
- Build your husband up by pointing out the ways he's productive and helpful for your family.^{[6]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC
  Licensed Professional Counselor
  Expert Interview. 27 October 2021.}

5

Reach out to friends and family for support.

Lean on those closest to you during this tough time. Having an unemployed spouse is stressful, especially if he was the main breadwinner in the home. Talk to your friends and family members about how you’re doing and what you’re doing to cope. They can help distract you from your stress and even get you out of the house.^{[7]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- You probably even have some people in your life who have gone through similar situations. Talk to them, and ask how they handled it to get some advice.

6

Go out on dates together.

It’s important to spend time together to grow closer to each other. Although it might be tough, set aside one night a week to hang out, just the two of you. If you’re pinching pennies, you don’t have to do anything expensive—take a walk through the park or have a homemade picnic together in the backyard. The more you two can band together, the easier this situation will be.^{[8]
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- If you have kids, set aside some family time, too. Plan fun activities that you can all do together for some relaxation time.

7

Have your husband apply for unemployment.

This will give you some supplemental income while he looks for a job. If he hasn’t done it already, have your husband check out your state’s unemployment office and fill out the paperwork to apply for unemployment benefits. Usually, you can do this online, but some states require you to go in person.^{[9]
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- It can take a few weeks for unemployment benefits to kick in, so the sooner your husband does this, the better!
- Unemployment benefits usually pay about half of what your old salary was.

8

Reward every step he takes toward getting a new job.

Praise him for filling out applications or working on his resumé. Instead of telling him he’s moving too slowly or not working hard enough, try to notice the positives and point them out to him. This will probably encourage him more and can lead to him getting a job faster than if you pressure him into applying for new jobs.^{[10]
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- For instance, you might say, “Wow, your new resumé looks great! I’m so glad you’ve been sending it out non-stop the past few days.”
- You could also offer to help him search for a new job.^{[11]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC
  Licensed Professional Counselor
  Expert Interview. 27 October 2021.}

9

Look into temporary healthcare.

If your husband was the one providing healthcare, this is your next step. If you’re in the United States, you can apply for temporary healthcare via COBRA as soon as you lose your job. With COBRA, you can get health insurance for up to 18 months, although you will have to pay any premiums yourself. This paperwork can take a few weeks to process, so fill it out as soon as you can.^{[12]
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Trustworthy Source
US Department of Labor
Federal department responsible for promoting the wellbeing of workers
Go to source}
- To learn more about COBRA, visit https://www.dol.gov/general/topic/health-plans/cobra.

10

See how much you have in savings.

It’s important to evaluate the money you have for emergencies. If you and your husband have a savings account, check it out to see how much money is in there. If you can afford to live off your savings for a few months (or your salary, if you’re working), then there’s less pressure on your husband to get a new job. However, if you don’t have a ton of wiggle room, he might need to get a new job right away.^{[13]
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- To figure out if you can live off your savings, tally up your total monthly expenses, including bills, food, rent or mortgage, car payments, student loans, and entertainment. Then, divide your savings by your monthly spending to see how many months you can live off of your savings account.

11

Cut any unnecessary spending.

While your husband is unemployed, it’s time to cut a few corners. Grab some coupons for the grocery store, unsubscribe from streaming services or memberships, and really try to only buy what your family needs. You won’t have to do this forever, and it can really take the pressure off your husband for the few weeks (or months) that he doesn't have a job.^{[14]
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- One easy way to notice any unnecessary spending is to write down everything you spend money on. Then, at the end of the month, look back at your expenses to see if there’s anything you can cut down on.