How to Chat on Tinder

Co-authored by Lisa Shield

Last Updated: May 21, 2020 Tested

This wikiHow teaches you how to chat on Tinder, the blind-dating app that matches people who like each other.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Chatting Tips

1
Choose a good profile picture. Your profile photo is a great way to show off your physical assets and personality. Try to choose something that can best represent what kind of person you are. The same principle applies to your matches – viewing profile photos of others can say a lot. This could indicate the degree of effort they put into their profiles and perhaps how serious they are in finding a match.
- For more information on setting up your Tinder profile, see this guide.
EXPERT TIP

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Lisa Shield is a love and relationship expert based in Los Angeles. She has a Master's degree in Spiritual Psychology and is a certified life and relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. Lisa has been featured in The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times, and Cosmopolitan.

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach

Be cautious about the pictures you choose, especially if you're a woman. Love and relationship expert Lisa Shield says: "A lot of women show way too much skin in their pictures, and they fill their profile with party pictures where they're out drinking with their girls. Unfortunately, there are some predatory men out there who will see those pictures, and they'll think you're easy, so they'll message you every morning with lines like 'Hey beautiful' and 'I'm thinking about you.' There are a lot of women who are craving that kind of attention, so it can be a really effective tactic."
2
Make some matches. You can only chat with other Tinder users that have been matched with you. In order to make matches, you will need to "Like" some profiles. When you start Tinder, you will be displayed the first in a list of possible matches for you in your area. Swipe to the right to "Like" the person, or swipe to the left to reject them.
- In order to be matched, both you and the other person need to "Like" each other's profiles.
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3
Open a chat. Once you have a match, you can begin chatting with them. Open the Tinder menu and select Messages. Tap the person you want to start chatting with and you can begin composing your first message.
- Many people will recommend waiting at least a day before starting a chat. This will help prevent you from coming across as desperate.
4
Set the mood of the conversation. The way you start chatting with a person is going to set the mood for the rest of the conversation. You want to pique their interest to get to know you more. Try not to come on too strong. By being too aggressive, you might just scare them off. On the other hand, try not to come on too weak, else you might just bore them. Talking about similar interests is a good start, which may springboard into more in-depth conversations.
- Don't open with a boring line like "Hey" or "Hi". Instead, comment on something in the other person's profile, or something from one of their pictures.
5
Avoid asking awkward questions. Here are some basic questions to avoid with new matches or people you’ve just met:
- Don’t ask, “Do I look fat?” If you don’t want to hear an honest answer, don’t ask. Weight is a very sensitive issue. Hearing an answer you don’t want to hear, may just leave you offended and may start conflict that could have easily been avoided.
- Don’t ask questions about your match's past relationships. Asking about past hookups early on in the relationship could be misconstrued as prying. Let the person get to know you first before asking extremely personal questions.
- Don’t ask question about your future as a couple. Jumping the gun with a question like this may be a heavy assumption that you two will actually work together as good partners. Asking about marriage and children with someone you just met will most likely scare them away.
- Don’t ask questions that just feed your ego. Asking questions that put your match on the spot may be off-putting. Examples:
  - “If I were drowning in a shark-infested ocean, would you jump in to save me?”
  - “If you were offered $1 billion to leave me, would you take it?”
6
Be natural and be yourself. Ask questions that you think you would want to be asked. Treat the conversation as if the person was actually standing in front of you. Avoid being creepy, and try to get to know the person behind the profile.
- Take a look at the interests and hobbies they may have listed. This will help you determine if you share any interests.
- You have to be interesting. Tinder is a form of speed-dating, and boring messages will get ignored. Use the chat to express your creativity and humor, and you can set yourself apart from all the other users in your area.
7
Ask the person to meet sooner rather than later. Again, Tinder is a speed dating service. In order to make an impression, you'll need some face-to-face time. Tinder is great for initiating the contact, but you'll need to follow up on it.
- Say something like "Wouldn't you rather ask these questions in person?" or "Come share a drink with me this weekend." This will help get you moving towards meeting in person.

Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

Chatting on Tinder

1
Open the Tinder app. It's a white app with a red-orange flame icon.
- You must have Tinder installed and set up on your device in order to start chatting.
2
Tap the "Chat" icon. It's two overlapping text bubbles in the upper-right corner of the screen.
3
Tap a match. Choose the profile picture of the match with whom you'd like to chat.
- New matches -- those whom you haven't communicated with -- appear at the top of the screen in the "New Matches" section.
- Ongoing conversations appear below in the "Messages" section.
- You can only chat and send messages to people with whom you've matched.
4
Tap Type a Message…. It's the text field at the bottom of the screen.
5
Type a message. Use the keyboard to do so.
- Tap the GIF button on the left side of the field to send an animated image.
6
Tap Send. It's on the right side of the of the "Message" field.
- When a match responds or sends you a message (or if you have a new match) there will be a red dot in the Chat icon on the main Tinder page.
7
Set your notification preferences. Let Tinder know how you want to be notified about new messages:
- Tap the gray silhouette in the upper-left corner of the main Tinder page.
- Tap SETTINGS. It's in the right-center of the screen.
- Scroll down and slide Messages to the "On" (red) position.
- Tap Done. It's in the upper-right corner of the screen. You'll now be notified when you have new messages, even when the Tinder app isn't opened.

Community Q&A

Question

How do you match with someone on Tinder?

wikiHow Staff Editor
Staff Answer
This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.

wikiHow Staff Editor

Staff Answer

After setting up your account, make sure you’ve included information about the gender and age range of people you’re interested in dating, as well as how far you’re prepared to travel to meet them. This gives Tinder the information it needs to start matching you up with potential dates. Tinder then sends you some suggested matches, for you to learn more about anyone you’re interested in (you can check out their brief description by tapping on it). When someone seems like a match you’d like to connect with, you have a choice to tap the heart to show you like them or swipe right (or tap the cross or swipe left if you’ve changed your mind and want to move onto the next choice). Once Tinder is alerted to you liking someone, it lets the other person know and if they happen to like you back, the ability to message each other will be opened up for you.
Question

How do you start a conversation with a girl?

wikiHow Staff Editor
Staff Answer
This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.

wikiHow Staff Editor

Staff Answer

Starting a conversation with a girl depends on your motives––do you want to connect with her romantically, as a potential friend or as a coworker? Each approach will be slightly different. For example, if you’re interested in her romantically, you’ll want to flirt a little by making compliments and perhaps using a good pickup line. If you’re wanting to connect as friends, talk about general things like the weather and ask her how she’s doing. At work, comment on the work you’re both doing and ask about what she thinks about an issue that is current at work. For detailed help, check out the wikiHow: How to Start a Conversation with a Girl.
Question

How do you start a conversation with a girl online?

wikiHow Staff Editor
Staff Answer
This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.

wikiHow Staff Editor

Staff Answer

It’s not always the easiest thing to find the courage to start chatting online, especially if you’re a little shy. But the great thing about starting a conversation online is that you don’t need to be so worried about how you’re coming across with eye contact and body language; you just need the right engaging words to get it going! For help with this, check out the wikiHow: How to Talk to Girls Online, which will give you some great tips on finding the confidence to start that conversation online with a girl. You might also find it helpful to check out the other wikiHow: How to Start a Conversation.