How to Behave Around Gay People if You Don't Accept Them

In our society today, people have many positions when it comes to gay people. Some people offer acceptance and shelter from hatred and will work towards human rights. Others take the attitude of "they're happy and not hurting anyone," so they don't mind gay people. Some people think it is an abomination. If you dislike or don't understand gay people, and you have gay people in your life, here is how to handle it.

Method 1
Method 1 of 3:

Basic Manners (Short-Term)

If you strongly dislike gay people, here is how to practice basic human decency.

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    Stay away from gay folks if you can't help but express your dislike. LGBTQ people are at high risk for depression and suicide, and if you insist on railing against them, you may worsen any emotional damage. If you feel extremely negative towards gay people, the best thing you can do is stay away.
    • Every instance of verbal/physical abuse or harassment increases the victim's chance of self-harm by 2.5 times. Never make yourself the reason that someone wants to hurt themselves.
    • Excuse yourself and say "I don't like gay people" if needed. This is much less harmful than a rant against them.
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    Politely steer clear of LGBTQ subjects when possible. Say "I don't like to talk about that" and change the subject. This way, you can avoid hurting people's feelings and losing friends.
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:

Understanding Gay People

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    Focus on the person, not their sexuality. Obsessing over what they do in the bedroom won't help you interact with them, and they'll probably think you're a creep. Instead, focus on the good and everyday parts of the person. For example, maybe Leslie is educated, compassionate, great with dogs, and helpful. Being LGBTQ doesn't rob people of personalities and admirable traits.
    • Ask them about their hobbies and interests. Let them tell you stories about their lives. Knowing them as a person can make them feel less scary or strange to you.[1]
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    Consume media about LGBTQ individuals. Try watching movies and TV shows that include LGBTQ folks in their ordinary lives, like The Fosters and The Kids Are All Right. This can help you understand what it is like to be LGBT.
    • Not all media is realistic. If the character is flat and stereotyped, and/or there are no LGBTQ people involved in the media creation, then there's a good chance it isn't accurate.
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    Consider that many LGBTQ couples want the same things in life that heterosexual couples do: holding hands, kissing, making each other breakfast, growing old together, etc. They aren't automatically promiscuous or dangerous. Many LGBTQ folks are kind and caring people, who just want to love and be loved by a consenting partner.
    • Gay individuals can have long-lasting and happy relationships.[2]
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    Don't associate LGBTQ individuals with promiscuous or immoral behavior. Studies show that gay people are no more likely to be child molesters than straight folks are. Furthermore, gay individuals aren't particularly any more promiscuous than straight people.[3] Stop seeing gay people as depraved and oversexed, and realize that they can be ordinary people who do ordinary things.
    • Gay individuals can control themselves, just like straight individuals.[4]
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    Recognize that your religious beliefs cannot dictate what other people do. In the US, the First Amendment (freedom of religion) states that people can practice the religion they wish, and religion cannot be forced upon them. It isn't legal to force someone into following your religious beliefs, whatever they may be. Thus, if your religion prohibits gay marriage, you are welcome not to marry someone gay, but you cannot use it to stop other people from marrying.[5]
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:

Using Christianity to Practice Love

This section applies to Christians and offers help for accepting all of God's children, including the gay ones.

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    Recognize that God loves all his children. God loves everyone, and sins don't make you unlovable or unwanted.[6] God practices forgiveness, and you will be more like Him if you do the same.
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    Consider that no one follows every passage in the Bible. The oft-quoted Leviticus also tells people not to wear clothes of different fabrics, yet many good Christians do this. These are instructions to keep Israelites separate and do not apply to you today. God won't send you to hell for wearing a cotton-and-polyester shirt, eating shrimp, or shaving.[7]
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    Judge not. Your job on Earth is not to judge your neighbor, but to make the world a better place in your way. It is up to God to judge your LGBTQ neighbors, not up to you. God will weigh the goodness and badness in their hearts and actions, just like He will weigh yours.
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    Consider that the Bible is more ambiguous on gay love than previously believed. In contexts, some quotes regarding gay folks are in a specific instance (e.g. idolatry), and do not condemn gay love in general.[8] Condemnations are often related to the period and context (for example, condemnation of tax collectors was because most tax collectors were corrupt back then, and it doesn't mean that Jesus hates IRS workers).
    • In Sodom and Gomorrah, they were practicing not loving relationships with other men, but gang rape of them (among other sins such as failing to help the poor).[9]
    • The Bible also tells stories of same-gender lovers: Ruth and Naomi, and David and Jonathan. These passages include romantic promises to each other, such as David saying that Jonathan's love for him was more wonderful than the love of women.[10]
  5. 5
    Recognize Jesus' acceptance of LGBTQ folks. Several quotes from Jesus show that he believed that some people were born gay and that there is nothing wrong with this. He was kind to same-gender couples and stood up for the oppressed.
    • Jesus suggests that some men are "born eunuchs," an ancient term for being gay, that these people are part of God's natural order, and heterosexual marriage is not the right path for everyone.[11] [12]
    • In one passage, Jesus heals a gay man's lover, and shows them acceptance, without criticizing their love.[13]
    • Christianity encourages people to love and accept one another.[14]
    • It teaches you to treat others with respect and dignity.[15]
    • There are churches that welcome gay parishioners and have gay pastors.
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Community Q&A

  • Question
    Why don't people accept others?
    Community Answer
    Community Answer
    Some people are raised in environments where equality, respect, and love aren't very common. There's no single answer though, unfortunately.
  • Question
    How can I be less gay?
    Community Answer
    Community Answer
    You don't need to "be less gay." There's nothing wrong with being gay and you're fine just the way you are.
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References

  1. ↑ http://matadornetwork.com/change/homophobe-heres-changed/
  2. ↑ https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.436670476426592.1073741835.123892551037721&type=3
  3. ↑ https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2010/oct/19/gay-men-promiscuous-myth
  4. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/murray-lipp/gay-men-myths-stereotypes_b_3463172.html
  5. ↑ http://www.religioustolerance.org/supreme-court-appeals-marriage-kentucky-michigan-ohio-tennessee-26.htm
  6. ↑ http://www.christianbiblereference.org/faq_homosexuality.htm
  7. ↑ http://www.religioustolerance.org/ashford01.htm
  8. ↑ http://www.christianbiblereference.org/faq_homosexuality.htm
  9. ↑ http://www.religioustolerance.org/ashford01.htm
  1. ↑ http://www.religioustolerance.org/ashford02.htm
  2. ↑ http://wouldjesusdiscriminate.org/biblical_evidence/born_gay.html
  3. ↑ http://www.religioustolerance.org/ashford03.htm
  4. ↑ http://www.religioustolerance.org/ashford03.htm
  5. ↑ https://www.countryliving.com/life/g31918719/bible-verses-about-love/
  6. ↑ https://www.countryliving.com/life/g31918719/bible-verses-about-love/

About This Article

Amy Bobinger
Co-authored by:
Amy Bobinger
wikiHow Staff Writer
This article was co-authored by wikiHow staff writer, Amy Bobinger. Amy Bobinger has been a writer and editor at wikiHow since 2017. She especially enjoys writing articles that help people overcome interpersonal hurdles but frequently covers a variety of subjects, including health and wellness, spirituality, gardening, and more. Amy graduated with a B.A. in English Lit from Mississippi College in 2011 and now lives in her hometown with her husband and two young sons. This article has been viewed 45,222 times.
15 votes - 49%
Co-authors: 18
Updated: March 22, 2023
Views: 45,222
Categories: Friends and Family of LGBT
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