How to Become a Romantic Man

Co-authored by Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT

Last Updated: June 24, 2022 References

Romance is an important part of any relationship. If you feel like you just don't know how to romance your partner, there are some easy steps you can follow to become a more romantic man. While movies might make you think that you have to constantly shower your partner with lavish gifts, in real life, romance is more about building meaningful connections. We've got plenty of ways you can connect with your partner, like making loving gestures, announcing your feelings, and planning the perfect date. Here are 14 tips to get you started.

This article is based on an interview with our licensed relationship therapist, Alysha Jeney, owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the co-founder of The Modern Love Box. Check out the full interview here.

1

Surprise your partner with gifts.

This is a great way to show you're thinking of them.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Expert Interview. 11 August 2021.} When you think of romantic gifts, you might be thinking about a dozen roses. However, sometimes simplicity is much better and thoughtful. Listen to your partner and learn what they like. Then, use that information to get them a small gift once in a while. This small token shows that you listen to your partner and pay attention to their needs.^{[2]
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- You might know that your partner loves a particular drink from a coffee stop in town. Stop by on your way home from work and pick it up to surprise them with when you walk in.
- For something more permanent, try getting a photo of the two of you framed and give it to your partner.
- Save these little gifts for random times. Give bigger gifts for their birthday or Christmas.

2

Do small favors.

These favors can end up being a pleasant surprise.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Expert Interview. 11 August 2021.} Let your partner come home and relax. Have dinner all ready when they walk through the door. Rub their back after a long day at work. These gestures let your partner know how much you appreciate them and increase the intimacy between you two.^{[4]
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- The particular favors you do depend on what your partner likes. If you want to do them a favor, always make it something you know they'll appreciate.
- For example, you wouldn't make your partner coffee if they didn't like coffee. But you could prepare their morning tea for them before they leave for work, making their routine easier.

3

Finish household chores.

Doing chores also shows your partner that you care. While doing the dishes or sweeping the floor might not sound especially romantic, these gestures make their life easier and they will appreciate that.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Expert Interview. 11 August 2021.} Surprise them by taking care of their chores one day when you know work was stressful, or just because.^{[6]
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- If you have a day off, for example, surprise your partner by cleaning the whole home. When they return to this surprise, they’ll appreciate your thoughtful gesture.

4

Share things with your partner.

This shows that you want your partner to be a part of your life. If you go out to eat, give them tastes of your meal and dessert. At home, let them pick what you watch together. Small gestures like this show your partner that you want to share life with them.^{[7]
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- Share information with your partner too. If you get a promotion at work or hear that your friend is having a baby, tell your partner about it. Let them share in these life events with you.

5

Let your partner have alone time.

While time together is important to romance, time apart is important as well. Smothering your partner with love constantly can have the opposite effect and they could get sick of all the attention. Back off once in a while and let them have their space. If they’re in the middle of an activity they like, don’t disturb them. If they want to go out with their friends one night, don’t get mad about it. Spending time apart is key to making your relationship work.^{[8]
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- Some couples like to schedule one night a week where they spend time alone. Others prefer to be more spontaneous with their alone time. Pick the option that works best for you and your partner.
- If you two take nights to be with friends or by yourselves, tell each other about it afterward. You can bond over talking about what you each did.
- Always listen to your partner if they say they need some space. Responding negatively could drive them further away.

6

Give your partner compliments.

Compliments are one of the most important parts of romantic relationships. They show your partner that you appreciate their efforts and make you two grow closer. Don’t hold back on the compliments. If your partner does something that impresses you or looks especially good, tell them!^{[9]
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- Be specific with your compliments. Rather than saying, “You look nice,” say “That dress looks amazing on you.” This shows that you’re being observant.
- Remember that compliments don’t just have to be about looks. Saying, “You’re such a great cook” after dinner is another flattering compliment.

7

Thank your partner.

This is another way to show your appreciation for what your partner does. People love feeling appreciated, and knowing that you notice the things your partner does for you will bring them closer to you. Don’t hesitate to thank your partner whenever they do something for you.^{[10]
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- Even thanking your partner for mundane tasks like taking out the garbage works to show appreciation.
- Always make your appreciation genuine, without any sarcasm or sounding like a backhanded compliment. Don’t say something like, “I’m glad you finally remembered to do the dishes after dinner tonight.” This sounds sarcastic. Simply say, “Thank you for doing the dishes.”

8

Touch your partner to build physical intimacy.

Physical touch is a huge part of attraction. Take as many opportunities to build this attraction as you can. Hold their hand when you’re walking together. Give them arm touches when you’re talking. Kiss their forehead randomly. These little touches help build the intimacy between you two.^{[11]
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- When you start off, don’t make any of your touches sexual. You can build to that. Start by just establishing a physical connection between you and your partner.
- Remember that if your partner ever tells you to stop touching them, listen to them.

9

Tell your partner you love them.

Sometimes being straightforward is the best approach. Don’t make your partner guess what your feelings are. Tell them directly that you love them. Hearing that will bring your partner closer to you.^{[12]
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- Find creative ways to tell your partner you love them. Leave little love notes around your home for them to find. Send a random text message. Change it up to keep them guessing.
- Follow up saying, “I love you” with a kiss or a good hug.

10

Do activities your partner likes.

Don’t be afraid to get out of your comfort zone for this.^{[13]
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Expert Source

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Expert Interview. 11 August 2021.} If you’re planning a surprise date for your partner, know what they like to do. Taking your partner to do something they love shows that you pay attention and remember details about them. Always start with ideas you know they’ll like to plan great dates.^{[14]
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- If you know your partner loves a particular restaurant and you haven’t been there in a while, take them there for a great date.
- Make sure you’re positive that your partner likes this activity. If you make a mistake, you could get the opposite result and they could think you don’t listen to them.

11

Plan out your dates together.

Not all dates have to be a surprise. Planning dates together can be a great way to build intimacy and learn more about what each other likes. Take an hour and talk about what activities you’d like to do the next day. Make a list and choose together.^{[15]
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- As a compromise, you could pick the activity and your partner could pick where you eat afterward, or vice versa.
- Be open to what your partner suggests, even if you’ve never done it before. Show that you’re open to trying what they like.

12

Suggest new activities.

Doing the same thing all the time can get stale. Break your normal routine by trying new activities together. This shows your partner that you’re spontaneous and open to new experiences. Trying something new together builds your connection to each other.^{[16]
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- Make a list of things you’ve never done before. This will depend on your situation. It could be fishing, hiking, taking a cooking class, or anything new. Keep this list and pick new options when you need a new date idea.
- You could try a new style of food for dinner. If you always eat Italian, try looking for a Middle Eastern restaurant nearby for a new experience.

13

Take a romantic day trip.

Not everyone has time or money for a long vacation. Luckily, day trips are a great way to get the same feeling. Choose a location a few hours away from your home. Leave early, spend the day exploring, then be back in time for bed. It’s a perfect way to spend alone time with your partner without breaking the bank.^{[17]
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- Some good day trip ideas are a nearby vineyard or winery, beach, national park, or historical site. Work out with your partner which one they would enjoy most.
- Also try visiting a town you’ve never been to. Enjoy the shops and restaurants you’ve never visited before.

14

Put effort into your physical appearance.

While looks aren’t everything in a relationship, physical attraction is still important. Taking care of your appearance shows that you’re putting effort into the relationship. It’s easy to get lazy about your appearance, especially in long-term relationships. If you’ve been wearing sweatpants and forgetting to shave a lot lately, take some time every day to plan a nicer outfit. This shows your partner that you still care about attracting them.^{[18]
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- Continue dressing up for dates, even if you’ve been together for a long time.
- Tailor your appearance to what your partner likes. If they prefer you to look a little scruffy, then don’t shave for a few days before a date.
- Pick a random day during the week to dress a little nicer. This will surprise your partner and keep them attracted.

Expert Q&A

Question

What's the most romantic thing a man can do?

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Alysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post.

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT

Licensed Relationship Therapist

Expert Answer

Try being spontaneous and anticipate your partner's needs! Just surprising your partner with a fun note like "I made you lunch today" or "I'm going to give you a massage when you get home from work" can be very thoughtful and romantic.
Question

How can I help my girlfriend?

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Alysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post.

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT

Licensed Relationship Therapist

Expert Answer

Try to take a few things off her plate without asking. You might do a load of laundry for her or make her dinner—even small surprises help remind her that you care.
Question

What romantic things can I do for my girlfriend?

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Alysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post.

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT

Licensed Relationship Therapist

Expert Answer

Participate in an activity that she really likes, even if it isn't your thing. For instance, if she's a fan of yoga, you could go with her to her next yoga session.

Warnings

Always respect your partner's boundaries, or the boundaries of anyone you want to date. Don't call or text constantly, or expect them to spend every moment with you. This will drive them away.

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If someone rejects your advances, take it in stride and move on. Don't pursue them or try to change their mind.

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