How to Be an Elegant and Mature Young Lady

Co-authored by Tami Claytor

Last Updated: February 13, 2023 References Approved

Some people think that elegance is a lost art, but young women can still express a gracious air. Such behavior comes from using good manners and acting like a mature adult. By learning proper etiquette, you will become more generous, polite, and graceful. How you treat others is equally important. An elegant and mature young lady helps and treats others in a non-judgmental way. It is important to speak and stand with proper decorum. Even if you have not had etiquette training in the past, you can still act like a lady by learning some basic rules.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Practicing Good Etiquette

1
Say please and thank you. These are the basics of good manners! You might be speaking to a teacher at school or a waiter at a restaurant, but you should always express your appreciation.^{[1]
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- Say “please” if you want something.
- Say “thank you” if you are given something.
- Say “no, thank you” if you want to refuse something.
- If someone gives you a gift, write them a thank you note to express your gratitude.
2
Learn how to excuse yourself. There are certain situations in which you will need to excuse yourself. You may need to leave the dinner table early, or you may need to take a call in another room. Do not just disappear without saying anything. This is extremely rude. Try saying one of the following.
- If you need to leave the dinner table, you may ask, “May I be excused?”
- If you need to use the restroom, simply say, “Excuse me. I’ll be right back.” You do not need to tell them where you are going.
- If your phone rings, say, “Excuse me. I need to take this call.” When you return, apologize to the other person, and explain that it was important. Only take the call if it is important. It is rude to be on your phone in social settings.^{[2]
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3
Practice good manners at the table. The dinner table is not the place to be reading your phone or texts. You should put away all distractions during a meal so that you can speak to the people you’re eating with.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Tami Claytor
Etiquette Coach
Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.}
- Eat most of what your host gives you, and at least try everything. If you have an allergy or special diet, try to tell your host as far in advance as possible.
- Wait for everyone to get their food before you start eating. If you’re visiting someone, you do not start eating until your host begins. At a restaurant, wait until everyone has been served their food.
- Chew slowly and quietly. Do not slurp noodles or soup.
- Ask for food to be passed for you. Do not reach over the table.
- Do not talk with your mouth full. Close your mouth while you eat.^{[4]
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4
Volunteer to help out when there is a need. Always offer your assistance when you notice that someone might need help. Ask if there is anything you can do, even if you are certain that the other person will say no. Some ways you can help include:
- Offer to help clean up after dinner.
- Bring a dish to parties and events.
- Drop off medicine to a sick friend.
- Drive an elderly family member around on their errands.
5
Dress appropriately. Maintain good hygiene by showering daily. Make sure that your clothes are clean and ironed. You should understand that different situations require different types of clothing. While jeans and a t-shirt may be fine for hanging out with friends, you should wear something nicer when at a wedding. There are certain guidelines you can follow while dressing:
- Formal events — such as weddings, award ceremonies, and some religious ceremonies —require a nice cocktail dress or gown. Your dress should be at least knee-length, if not longer. Heels or nice flats are required.
- Business formal (also known as business professional) includes tailored trousers, knee-length skirts, blazers, button-up shirts, and nice blouses. Heels are recommended. These would be worn in a corporate setting.
- Business casual includes nice khakis, black slacks, button-up shirts, knee-length skirts, and cardigans. You can wear heels or nice ballet flats. This is for a more informal office setting.
- Casual dress includes jeans, t-shirts, shorts, tank tops, short skirts, and sneakers. This should be worn when doing errands, hanging out with close friends, and during informal outdoor events.^{[5]
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6
Maintain good posture. It is proper to sit up straight when you are at dinner or in a meeting. Brace your shoulders back so that they form a straight line. Stretch your neck so that your head is looking straight forward. Do not slump your shoulders or hunch over while you sit or walk.^{[6]
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Tami Claytor
Etiquette Coach
Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.} When sitting, do not lean back on your chair.^{[7]
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- Make sure to cross your legs or keep them together when wearing a skirt.
- If you are having trouble correcting your posture, you can do some good core and back exercises.^{[8]
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  National Health Service (UK)
  Public healthcare system of the UK
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Demonstrating Maturity

1
Keep your promises. You should always do things that you said you would do. Keeping promises shows that you are trustworthy and dependable. If something has come up that prevents you from fulfilling your promise, call and explain the situation.
- Remember to show up for events that you signed up for.
- Be punctual. Arrive at places at the time you said you would.
- Show up to help out if you said that you could.
2
Avoid gossip. No matter what you feel about other people, learn to keep these thoughts to yourself. It is never polite to gossip or insult others, even if they are not around to hear it. If someone has insulted you, try not to do the same to them. Take the high road by ignoring the behavior.
- Avoid correcting or criticizing others, especially people you do not know or are not close to. They may find this insulting.^{[9]
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- It is fine to vent about people now and then. Choose a trusted friend who will not gossip, or tell a family member about what is bothering you. Limit yourself to one or two people whom you trust with your secrets.
3
Practice forgiveness. If someone has wronged you, it is good to forgive them. By holding a grudge, you will only lengthen your pain. If they apologize, tell them that you forgive them. If they don’t apologize, learn to let go of the grief by forgiving them in your heart.
- Wait until someone apologizes before you tell them that you forgive them. Try to understand their position. You can say something like "I understand where you are coming from. I want you to know that I forgive you, and I don't hold anything against you."
4
Maintain composure in tough situations. This doesn't mean you can't express emotion or be upset. Don't immediately react to things — if someone has made you angry, don't explode and tear into him. Take a deep breath and try to choose your words carefully. Be mindful of your tone and the volume of your voice. Try not to take insults or slights personally — if someone is being rude, that's his problem, not yours, and don't allow yourself to be manipulated to stooping to his level.
- If you feel that you are too angry or upset to continue the conversation, it's okay to say something like, "I can't have this conversation with you right now. I'm going to take a walk and we can resume this when we've both cooled down."
5
Learn how to say no. Maturity and elegance do not mean that you let others walk all over you. You are not expected to do everything asked of you, and you can learn to say no in a polite but firm manner. You can start with an apology before explaining why you cannot do something.
- If you cannot help someone, you can say, “I’m so sorry, but I’m unable to help you with that. Let me know if there is anything I can do in the future.”
- If you can’t accept an invitation, you can say, “I’m sorry that I am missing the event. I would have loved to come, but I am busy that day.”
- If you are uncomfortable with the request, politely decline and say, “I don’t think it’s a right fit for me” or “I’m not sure that I’m the best person for that task.”
6
Apologize sincerely. Everyone makes mistakes. Maybe you forgot to show up for a friend's birthday party, or maybe you insulted someone. Learn how to apologize. While it may be difficult to acknowledge that you were wrong, it is best to get over your pride. If possible, try to meet with them face to face to express how sorry you are. A phone call or written card are also nice ways to say sorry.^{[10]
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- Be sincere in your apology. A simple “I’m sorry” will work if you have nothing else to say.
- You can say something like, "I understand why you're angry. I want you to know how sorry I am. Please let me know how I can make it up to you."
- Do not make excuses, although you can offer an explanation if you think there was a misunderstanding.
7
Express sympathy. If something bad has happened to another person, tell them how sorry you are. Offer to help in any way that you can.
- You can say, “I’m so sorry to hear that. My thoughts are with you and your family. Please let me know if there is anything I can do. I am here for you, even if you just need someone to talk to.”^{[11]
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- You may want to bring flowers to a funeral or donate money to a cause in the deceased's name.
- If someone is in the hospital, take time to visit them.
- Send a card to them afterwards to let them know that you are thinking of them.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Speaking with Grace

1
Pronounce your words clearly and slowly. Enunciation is very important for communication. When speaking, pace yourself. Pronounce every syllable. Do not slur or mumble your speech. Speaking too quickly will muddle your words, and it may cause the other person to misunderstand you.^{[12]
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- Use an appropriate volume. You do not want to yell while you speak, nor should you be so soft-spoken that the other person cannot hear you. As you speak, try to match the volume of the other person.
2
Think before you speak. Carefully consider the impact of your words before you say them. Understand whether or not someone might misunderstand you, or if they might take offense. Word your statements carefully so that your meaning is not mistaken.
- Avoid talking about politics and religion. These touchy subjects can cause disagreements between family and friends.^{[13]
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3
Work on becoming articulate and well-spoken. Try to stop saying "Um," and "Like," or other filler words and avoid using slang. Expand your vocabulary (try flashcards, reading the dictionary for fun, or signing up for a word of the day website to receive through your email) so that you can better express yourself.
4
Listen actively. If someone else is speaking, wait until they are finished with their idea before you respond. Do not interrupt or speak over others. There are certain things you can do to let the other person know that you are engaged in the conversation:
- Nod your head as they speak.
- Make eye contact.
- Occasionally repeat back what they said. This shows that you are actually paying attention to them and value what they're saying. ^{[14]
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5
Avoid cursing. Cursing can be offensive and rude. While you may feel the need to replace curse words with more polite phrases, it is better to keep your anger to yourself if you are upset or startled.
- If you are having trouble with swearing, try keeping a swear jar where you put a dollar every time you curse. You should either donate this money or save it for an essential purchase.

Warnings

Maturity doesn’t mean that you are perfect. It’s ok to be sad, angry, or upset. You are not burdening other people with your feelings when you come to them with a problem.

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No matter how rude someone else is acting, do not say anything. It is even ruder to call someone out in public.^{[15]
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