How to Be a Proper Young Lady

Co-authored by Tami Claytor

Last Updated: June 23, 2022 References Approved

Being a proper young lady involves having good manners, a positive attitude, and treating others with respect.^{[1]
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Research source} While some elements of decorum have changed over time, many remain useful ways for you to express generosity, and grace. To be a proper young lady, you can tweak your behavior, work on your appearance, and develop proper dinner and party etiquette to help you become more respectable, self-confident, and polite.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Tweaking Your Behavior

1
Make eye contact so people know you’re paying attention. As a proper young lady, it’s important that you let people know that they have your undivided attention when you greet them and when you’re having a conversation. Making eye contact shows the person that you’re talking to that you’re listening and that you respect what they have to say.^{[2]
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- This is particularly important when you’re meeting someone new. By making eye contact, you’ll appear warm and friendly and make them feel more at ease.^{[3]
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2
Speak kindly and focus on the positive traits of others. Gossip is often mean-spirited and can be very hurtful, so it’s best to avoid participating in gossip as much as possible. While gossiping with your friends can be tempting, consider how you’d feel if you were the subject of gossip. If you know that you’d be hurt by something that you or your friends are saying, try to avoid saying it.^{[4]
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- Instead of gossiping, try to focus on other people’s positive qualities. Even if you don’t particularly enjoy someone’s company, there are surely a few things about them that you like or admire.
- This is especially important when you’re communicating through email, text, or social media, as your words can easily be reproduced and hurt someone.
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3
Be humble about your accomplishments. While it’s important that you feel proud of your accomplishments, avoid bragging excessively about what you have or what you’ve done. People will likely find out about your accomplishments over time – you don’t need to brag in order to get credit and feel proud of yourself.^{[5]
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- For example, if you recently got accepted into a prestigious art school, avoid bringing it up to people in casual conversation. Instead, you can let people know when they ask you what you’re doing next year, or what’s new with you.
- As a proper young lady, it’s particularly important that you avoid bragging about material things that you own. This is quite unbecoming and often makes the person you’re talking to feel bad if they can’t afford what you have.
4
Avoid using rude or shocking language. The language you use when you talk to people represents who you are and what you care about. Therefore, it’s important that you avoid using rude language that may offend people and make you seem abrasive or brash. In addition, try to avoid saying anything off-kilter or potentially offensive for the sake of shock value. You don’t need to shock people to get them to think highly of you. In fact, it will likely do quite the opposite.^{[6]
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- For example, avoid using curse words in social situations, particularly when you are the guest at someone’s house.
- While you may have a funny story about a wild night out, for example, save these stories for private conversations with close friends.
5
Say please and thank you whenever it’s appropriate. This simple gesture is one of the easiest ways for you to act like a proper young lady. Saying please and thank you when someone offers you something will show your appreciation and demonstrate that you are a polite, gracious, and respectful.^{[7]
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- Once you start saying please and thank you, you’ll eventually get in the habit of doing so all the time, making this a particularly easy way to act like a proper young lady.
6
Maintain a level, polite tone of voice. Regardless of who you’re talking to or what you’re talking about, try to avoid raising your voice to draw attention to yourself or make a point.^{[8]
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Research source} Instead, try to speak evenly, clearly, and articulately. People will be much more likely to be receptive to what you’re saying, and you won’t come off as rude or obnoxious.
- This is particularly important when you disagree with someone. You don’t need to raise your voice to prove you’re right. Instead, try to calmly explain your point of view.
7
Educate yourself on important current events. As a proper young lady, it’s important that you’re able to have conversations with people about a wide variety of topic. Therefore, try to read or watch the news every morning so that you stay up-to-date on important current events.^{[9]
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- It will also make you feel more confident when you talk to others if you’re able to make informed, intelligent contributions to the conversation.
8
Be honest and stick to your word. Being honest and dependable are both crucial attributes for you to have if you want to be considered a proper young woman. While it’s important that you’re always polite and avoid getting involved in confrontational situations, it’s also important that you are honest with people, and follow through when you make commitments.^{[10]
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- It would be difficult for others to respect you as a proper young lady if you aren’t honest and dependable.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Working on Your Appearance

1
Wear clothing that covers your cleavage and backside. As a proper young lady, go for pieces of clothing in flattering cuts that provide a bit more coverage. Clothing is one of the ways that you outwardly express yourself. By choosing pieces in classic cuts that aren’t overly showy, you’ll send the message that you are a self-respecting, proper young lady.^{[11]
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- A midi dress or skirt with a demure, ruffled top is a great option for fancier social events.
- For everyday wear, try a pair of well-tailored jeans with a classic boat-neck sweater or silk tank with a blazer on top.
2
Avoid poor quality clothing. Instead of trying to find cheaper versions of designer or expensive items, opt for clothing that is well-cut and made of good quality fabrics. You don’t need to spend a lot of money on your clothing to look like a lady. Stylish, classic, high-quality clothing will make you look much more respectable and confident.^{[12]
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- Check out the sales rack at upscale department stores and keep an eye out for good deals.
- You can find nice clothing at thrift stores, too! Always check details like stitching and focus on finding pieces that are well-made.
3
Keep your nails clean and manicured. Even if you don’t like to wear nail polish, keeping your nails clean and manicured will show people that you take care of yourself and use proper hygiene. Plus, if you’re hosting or serving at an event, people will appreciate the fact that your hands and nails are clean when you’re handling food and drinks and shaking their hands.^{[13]
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- If you’re low on time, buffing your nails is a quick and easy way to make your nails look clean, shiny, and presentable.
4
Maintain good posture to exude self-confidence. Whether you’re walking or sitting down, try to always remember to keep your shoulders back and your head held high.^{[14]
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Expert Source

Tami Claytor
Etiquette Coach
Expert Interview. 20 May 2021.} This will help you maintain good posture and appear poised and self-assured.^{[15]
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- Maintaining good posture will help you stand or sit taller, which will help you garner respect from those around you.
5
Smile at others to make them feel comfortable approaching you. As a proper young lady, your goal is to appear both approachable and self-confident. Making a point to smile at people will make people feel more comfortable talking to you, and will outwardly display your kind and gracious nature.^{[16]
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Consider what your social media posts will say about you. As a proper young lady, it’s important that you carefully consider what you choose to post on social media. While posting pictures of things you like and are passionate about is great, make sure that the image truly sends the message about you that you want it to.^{[17]
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- As a general rule of thumb, if you wouldn’t feel comfortable showing your grandmother the picture you’re debating, it’s likely that it’s not very proper.
7
Avoid wearing too much makeup. Instead of trying to cover up features that you aren’t crazy about, try to use makeup sparingly to enhance your best features. As a proper young lady, your goal is to bring positive attention to yourself, and present yourself in a respectable manner. Therefore, it’s best to avoid wearing too much makeup, which can make you look like your trying too hard and bring unwanted attention.^{[18]
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- For daily activities, keep your makeup minimal with a lightweight foundation, blush, mascara, and lip gloss.^{[19]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Developing Proper Dinner and Party Etiquette

1
Engage in conversation with other people at social events. Whenever you’re at a dinner, wedding, or any other social event, do your best to engage in conversation with a variety of people present at the event. Even if you’re shy, try to introduce yourself to 1 or 2 new people. This will help you build self-confidence and let other people know that you are gracious and interested in meeting new people.^{[20]
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- Avoid looking at your phone as much as possible, as this will send the message that you’re bored and have something more important to do.
- Ask people questions about themselves to make them feel like you’re genuinely interested in getting to know them.
2
Avoid drinking too much at social functions. While it’s fine to enjoy a glass of wine or two, make sure that you don’t allow yourself to be overserved at social events. The more you drink, the more difficult it will be for you to act like the proper young lady you are.^{[21]
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Research source} It’s perfectly acceptable to decline additional drinks if you start to feel like your abilities are impaired.
- If you feel like you’ve had a bit too much to drink, make sure that you eat plenty of food and drink plenty of water, or politely excuse yourself and leave.
3
Use proper table manners when you eat in public. To be a proper young lady, it’s essential that you learn and use some of the basics of proper table etiquette. While some elements of proper behavior change over time, having good table manners is always an important way to show that you are polite and respectful.^{[22]
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Research source} Here are a few of the basics of table etiquette you should use:
- Always place your napkin in your lap when you sit down at the table.
- Wait until everyone at the table has been served before you start eating.
- Pass food trays and dishes to your right when being served family-style.
- Never talk with food in your mouth. Instead, chew and swallow all your food before speaking at the table.
4
Bring a dish or gift when you are a guest in someone’s home. Whether you’re attending a large party or small dinner party, avoid showing up empty-handed whenever possible. Even if you only bring a side dish or a small plant, offering something to the host or hostess will let them know how much you appreciate the invitation.^{[23]
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- If you’re going to be a guest in someone’s home for a holiday or other celebratory event, consider bringing a gift that is on-theme. For example, if you’re going to a Christmas dinner, you could bring a festive ornament or poinsettia plant.
5
Keep your food and eating preferences to yourself at the table. If you don’t like something that’s being served, you don’t need to announce it to the host or hostess or any other guests. Instead, just politely decline and pass the dish to the next guest.^{[24]
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- If someone asks you if you want something specifically that you don’t eat, you can respond politely by saying, “No thank you, but it looks lovely!”
6
Avoid bickering about important issues in lighthearted social settings. While it’s important that you express your views on important subjects, there is a time and a place for such conversations. Arguing with another guest at a dinner party about politics, for example, can be unproductive and rude. Instead, try to stick to positive, pleasant topics when you’re at a social event.^{[25]
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- If someone says something that you disagree with or find offensive, you can always approach them later in private without making a scene at a party or at the dinner table.
7
Compliment the host or hostess’s home or decorating skills. When you attend a social event, make sure that you find the host or hostess before the end of the event to both thank them and pay them a compliment. They likely put a lot of effort into making their home or other event space welcoming and beautiful, and it will mean a lot to them if you acknowledge that.^{[26]
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- For example, if it’s your first time visiting someone’s house, try saying to them, “I absolutely love your home. I feel so welcome here.” That way, you’ll be able to compliment both their décor sense and their hospitality.
8
Offer to help clean up when you’re a guest at a dinner party. Being polite and helpful are two of the most important elements of being a proper young lady. While the host or hostess will likely decline, they’ll surely appreciate your gracious offer to help clean up.^{[27]
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- By showing your appreciation and willingness to help, they and other guests will be more likely to want to invite you to functions in the future.

Expert Q&A

Question

How should a lady carry herself?

Tami Claytor
Etiquette Coach
Tami Claytor is an Etiquette Coach, Image Consultant, and the Owner of Always Appropriate Image and Etiquette Consulting in New York, New York. With over 20 years of experience, Tami specializes in teaching etiquette classes to individuals, students, companies, and community organizations. Tami has spent decades studying cultures through her extensive travels across five continents and has created cultural diversity workshops to promote social justice and cross-cultural awareness. She holds a BA in Economics with a concentration in International Relations from Clark University. Tami studied at the Ophelia DeVore School of Charm and the Fashion Institute of Technology, where she earned her Image Consultant Certification.

Tami Claytor

Etiquette Coach

Expert Answer

Keep your head high and your chin parallel to the ground. Try to avoid slouching so yu maintain good posture.
Question

I hate skirts, they're super uncomfortable. I prefer soft trousers so I can focus on schoolwork instead of my uncomfortable skirt or jeans. Any suggestions?

Tamara

Top Answerer

Well-tailored trousers with a beautiful blouse and sweater can look classy and proper for young ladies, too.
Question

How do I eat like a lady? Now I eat like a pig.

Community Answer

Check out the tips in Have Good Table Manners.