How to Be a Transgender and Nonbinary Ally

Last Updated: June 24, 2022 References

There are many ways to show your support for transgender and nonbinary family, friends, and loved ones. This article will teach you how to be an ally to transgender and gender diverse individuals.

1

State your pronouns and ask others what pronouns they use.

This is an easy way to respect transgender and nonbinary individuals. Introduce yourself using your name and pronouns. Stating your pronouns reminds people that it is not always obvious which pronoun someone is using, and encourages others to state their pronouns when meeting someone. The singular 'they' (they/them/theirs) is the most commonly used gender-neutral pronoun, but many people use combinations of pronouns or neopronouns. Using the correct pronouns for people shows that you respect them and who they are.
- A simple "I'm sorry! Thank you for correcting me," and continuing the conversation with the correct pronoun/name usage is the way to go when you accidentally deadname or misgender someone.
- Include your pronouns in your email signature or on social media.

2

Don't assume you can tell if someone is trans based on their appearance.

Transgender, non-binary, and gender diverse individuals do not all look the same, and many may not appear to be trans or non-binary. You should not put pressure on someone you know to reveal their gender identity if they are gender diverse. Being trans isn't about how you dress or how you act. Being trans is a state of being one's true self, regardless of what they wear or how they appear. Gender expectations are arbitrary, and trans and nonbinary people are not required to prove their gender in order to be respected.

3

Listen to the voices of trans and gender diverse folks.

Listen to the experiences of gender diverse people with an open mind and heart—they're the experts on their own lives, and one of the most important parts of being an ally is listening and giving others the space to speak. It's also important to remember that each trans person has a unique experience. One story does not fit all. Read stories and journeys of trans and nonbinary individuals.
- Support them by being a good listener. Listen to them without judgement.^{[1]
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- Make sure they feel safe living with their families or friends and can be what they are in every setting.^{[2]
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- Thank them for choosing you to come out. Ask them what you can do to be a good friend.^{[3]
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4

Use gender inclusive language.

Gender inclusive language can make a big difference to gender diverse folks. Gender diverse language can make a lot of trans folks feel valid. Here are simple, everyday ways to use gender inclusive language:
- Use the singular ‘their’ instead of ‘his/her’ in letters and other forms of writing, i.e. ‘when a colleague finishes their work’ as opposed to ‘when a colleague finishes his/her work’.
- Instead of using binary language to address groups of people, such as 'ladies and gentlemen,' try more inclusive alternatives such as 'folks,' 'pals,' or 'everyone.'
- Use "sibling" instead of "brother/sister," and "partner" instead of "boyfriend/girlfriend."

5

Educate yourself.

Many people have been taught that this strict gender binary is natural, but there are many different gender identities and ways for people to express them. Your journey as an ally entails questioning and unlearning many of the gender stereotypes you accept as natural, as well as being open to new ideas that embrace and include gender diversity.

6

Be patient with those who are questioning their gender identity.

A person who is unsure about their gender identity may switch back and forth as they figure out which pronoun works best for them. Be kind and respectful to them, including their names, pronouns, and appearance.

7

Show up in support of the LGBTQ community.

Although it is important to make an effort to be trans-inclusive in your interpersonal interactions, allyship does not end there. It is important to show up for the trans community by attending rallies and protests for trans people. Donating to trans-centered non-profits like the National Center for Transgender Equality, The Trevor Project, and Gender Spectrum is another way to show up for your gender diverse loved ones and friends.

Community Q&A

Question

Why do you make so many of these?

Siren

Community Answer

There are good articles here because these topics are important to talk about and to grow as caring people in the world. We need to be here for each other and accept everyone for who they are.