How to Be a Good Friend to a Guy

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS and Amy Bobinger

Last Updated: December 7, 2020 References Approved

Guys often tend to be less expressive than females, so it can be hard to know how to build a close, supportive friendship. However, guys are often very loyal to the people they do choose as their friends, so it's worth putting the time in when you find someone you like. By spending time hanging out and opening up a little at a time, you could end up with an awesome new friend!

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Getting to Know Each Other

1
Smile and be approachable. When you're hoping to make a new friend, it's important to seem approachable. Smiling at the other person, nodding at them in greeting, and keeping your body language relaxed all send the signal that you're open to a new friendship.^{[1]
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- Giving off a positive vibe from the start will make other people more likely to want to get to know you and spend time around you.
- To keep your body language relaxed, your arms should be unfolded, your shoulders should be back but not stiff, and you might lean back slightly. Imagine opening up your body, rather than folding yourself inwards and being closed off. Make sure your body language isn't coming off as flirtatious if you only want to be friends.
2
Strike up a conversation. The hardest part of making a new friend might just be that first time you talk. When you spot a guy you think would be a good friend, look for opportunities to chat.^{[2]
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- Start small. Try just saying, "Hey!" when you pass him in the hall or see him standing with a group of mutual acquaintances, or introduce yourself and offer a handshake.
- Once you feel comfortable, you can work up to longer conversations. Start with something that both of you are interested in and work your way up to sharing personal details.
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3
Ask him open-ended questions about himself and his interests. Once you do get into a conversation, don't just talk about yourself. The whole point is to try to get to know this guy better, so ask him about what he likes, and try to avoid questions that can just be answered, “Yes” or “No.”^{[3]
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- Try asking him questions like, “Where do you like to hang out on the weekends?”
- Other topics you could ask him about include what kind of movies he likes, whether he has any pets (and follow-up questions about the pets if he has any), and what kind of games or sports he likes.
4
Be honest and true to yourself. Honesty is a valuable trait in any friendship. You want to show your new friend the real you because that's who he's going to be spending time with. If you try to pretend to be something you're not, he'll eventually find out and will probably question whether or not he wants to be friends with you.^{[4]
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- For example, if your friend says he likes a certain band or a sport, don't feel obligated to pretend you like it too.
- Don't hide things about yourself because you're afraid your friend will judge you, either. Even if he's not into your collection of antique coins, he'll most likely appreciate that you have unique interests.
5
Invite him to hang out with you. Make your new guy pal feel included by inviting him to tag along when you're going somewhere. Whether it's just you and him or a whole group of your friends, reach out and let him know he's welcome to come along.^{[5]
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- If you and your friends have a Saturday video game session, ask him if he wants to come by!
- If he mentions wanting to see a certain movie that you want to see too, invite him to go with you to see it.
6
Follow through when you say you'll do something. If you make plans, don't cancel them unless it's an emergency. Regularly flaking on your new friend will make him think you don't value his time or his feelings, and eventually, he might decide he doesn't want to spend as much time around you.^{[6]
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- Being dependable will also show him that you are trustworthy, which most guys really appreciate.
7
Laugh together. If you see or hear something hilarious that makes you think of your guy friend, let him know! Sharing a laugh is a great way to build a friendship. ^{[7]
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- When you're not hanging out together, text him funny memes or an inside joke between the two of you.
- If the two of you are always joking that your dog looks like a cow, for instance, edit a picture of your dog so it looks he's in front of a barn and add a funny caption like, "He finally admitted he's been undercover this whole time!"
8
Be a supportive friend. If you see that your guy pal is having a rough day or he seems to be going through a hard time, let him know that you're there for him. Offer him a friendly ear to listen to his troubles, or try to think of something fun the two of you can do to take his mind off of things.
- Try saying something like, "You seem kind of down today, wanna talk about it?"
- You could also say something along the lines of, "I know you're feeling nervous about finals next week. Let's go get some ice cream and make a study plan."

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Becoming Better Friends

1
Participate in activities together. Guys often prefer what are called "shoulder-to-shoulder" friendships, meaning that they enjoy spending time doing things with their friends, rather than sitting face-to-face talking about things.^{[8]
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- Examples of activities you could share include going to a museum, fixing your bike, or building a cool treehouse.
- Other things you might try could be checking out a farmer's market, going to the bookstore, or going to a concert.
2
Compliment his strengths. Everyone loves to have friends who make them feel good about themselves. You don't have to make a big deal out of it, but when you notice something your new guy friend is good at, mention it. ^{[9]
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- For instance, if he plays sports, you might say, "Nobody out there plays as hard as you when the game is on the line."
- Another example could be saying something like, "Do you have any recommendations for a new band to listen to? You always know the best music."
- You don't have to go overboard with this; just a little comment now and then will go a long way.
3
Don't share anything personal he tells you. Honesty and dependability are important traits in a strong friendship, and most guys highly value loyalty. If your friend tells you something private or personal, show him that he can trust you by keeping it to yourself.^{[10]
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- If you think your friend is in danger of hurting himself or someone else or is in serious trouble, talk to someone you trust.
4
Stand up for your friend if he needs it. If someone is talking bad about your friend, making him feel uncomfortable, or spreading gossip about him, speak up. Sometimes it just takes one loyal friend to help a person stand up to a bully, and he might appreciate your support more than you know.^{[11]
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- If you hear someone bad-mouthing your friend, try saying something like, "He's actually a really nice guy, and he doesn't deserve to be treated like that."
5
Say yes when you're invited somewhere. Don't pass up opportunities to hang out, even when you feel like saying no. If your guy friend invites you somewhere, it's because he thinks it would be fun to share an experience with you. ^{[12]
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- If your guy friend invites you to go to church with him, for instance, consider taking him up on the offer even if you normally don't like to get up early on weekends. You don't have to convert to his faith, but might enjoy yourself and meet some new people. If nothing else, you'll learn more about your friend.
6
Celebrate the things that matter to him. If it's your friends birthday, he aced his math test, or he won an award he worked really hard for, let him know that you're happy for him! Even something as small as saying “Congrats, dude!” can be mean a lot.
- For an even bigger way to celebrate, give your pal a shout-out on social media—but ask him if it's okay first, of course.
7
Go on random, spontaneous adventures. Sometimes the best memories you have of a friendship are the ones you never planned. Every once in awhile, invite your buddy to jump in the car with you for an impromptu road trip, have a night out at a place you wouldn't normally go, or go somewhere to eat that's totally out of your comfort zone.^{[13]
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- While it can be fun to be unpredictable, try to make sure your plans don't cause your friend to miss work or school since getting into trouble might make him want to hang out with you less often.
8
Follow up after you hang out to let him know you had fun. Call, text, or email your friend to build on conversations you had or touch base after you hang out. This will let him know that you had a good time and will help strengthen the friendship even more.^{[14]
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- You don't have to gush to him about how it was the greatest time you ever had. Just a quick text like, “Next time, let's get ice cream AFTER we ride go-karts” will send the message that you want to hang out again.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Avoiding Common Pitfalls

1
Don't talk bad about his dating partner if he has one. If you want to have a strong relationship with a guy friend, never make unkind comments about the person he's dating, even if you really don't like them. ^{[15]
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- Your friend chose his dating partner for a reason. You should never make him feel like he has to choose between his friendship and the person he dates.
- If you can't make friends with your pal's partner, at least try to be civil. Invite the couple to hang out at group events, where you won't have to interact as closely with anyone you dislike.
2
Follow his lead for how serious the conversation should be. Guys don't always open up about what they're thinking about, so don't push him to talk about serious subjects if he doesn't want to. If a serious conversation does come up, let it run its course, then move on to something else. You can make a joke, change the subject, or just start doing something to break the ice.
- For example, if your friend mentions missing his grandfather who passed away, give him a chance to speak his mind, and share your own thoughts on the subject if you have any. Then, when you feel the moment has passed, turn the conversation back towards something that happened earlier, or the plans you have for the rest of the day.
3
Don't point out faults in his personality. This is a friendship, and he doesn't owe it to you to change. Criticizing a guy friend about the things you don't like will break down your friendship. ^{[16]
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- For instance, if he always wears wrinkled clothes or you think he spends too much money on frivolous things, you should probably keep it to yourself.
- If you're very close friends with someone, it can sometimes be acceptable to let them know when you think they are making a mistake or handling a situation the wrong way, but this should be done very sparingly.
- If you decide you don't like someone else's character traits, you may decide you don't want to be their friend at all.
4
Move past disagreements quickly. In a strong friendship, you have to be willing to move past little arguments. State your opinion when you need to, then put the incident behind you without holding a grudge.^{[17]
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- If your friend does something thoughtless or says something that hurts your feelings, remember that everyone makes mistakes. Your friend may have been having a bad day, or he might have just been feeling frustrated. Try to move past it instead of holding on to hurt feelings.
- If you notice a pattern of another person making you feel bad or taking advantage of you, it's okay to end the friendship.
5
Give the friendship time to grow. Deep friendships don't develop overnight. Don't expect your new buddy to tell you his deepest thoughts because you hung out a few times. Just hang out and let things develop naturally.^{[18]
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- Don't expect your new friend to spend all of his time with you or stop hanging out with his other friends just because you're in the picture. Similarly, you shouldn't neglect your old friends just because you have a new friend.

Communicating with Your Guy Friend

Having Fun Interactions with Your Guy Friend

Showing Your Guy Friend Support

Pitfalls to Avoid with Your Guy Friend

Expert Q&A
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Question

I'm the kind of friend the often breaks the "touch barrier" with hugs, high fives, and other things like that. How do I not make hugging my "guy-friend" not awkward?

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS
Professional Counselor
Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin specializing in Addictions and Mental Health. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Ask him if it makes him feel awkward and if he says it does, ask him if a fist-bump or high-five would be better than a hug
Question

How do I start a conversation by text with a guy I want to be best friends with?

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS
Professional Counselor
Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin specializing in Addictions and Mental Health. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Start with common interests. For example, if you like the same sports team, ask if he saw the event or what he thought about a certain part of it.