How to Be a Cool Teen Girl

Co-authored by Christina Stathopoulos, PCC, ACCC

Last Updated: January 4, 2023 References

Some girls have an air about them that is just plain cool! It’s often hard to explain why, but being cool has a lot to do with self-confidence, attitude, and social skills. There are a number of simple ways that you can make yourself look and feel cool by building your self-confidence and having a cool attitude. Although how you look is only a small part of being cool, you can also choose clothes and accessories that you feel good wearing, use good posture, and smile to enhance your cool factor!

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Building Self-Confidence

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Make a list of all of your strengths to find what you excel at. Think about what activities you enjoy, what subjects you do best at in school, and what people have complimented you on. Writing down things that you're good at will help you feel more comfortable in your own skin, and make you look that way to the rest of the world, too. If you have trouble thinking of things, ask a friend or family member to help you come up with things that you might not have thought to list.^{[1]
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- For example, if you always earn As in your math classes, then math is one of your strengths! If you love to do gymnastics, then this is one of your strengths! Add anything you do well or feel like you are good at to the list.
- Personality traits can also be strengths, so make sure to add these, too. For example, you might include in your list that you are a kind person, that you have a lot of common sense, or that you are a loyal friend.
- Make sure to list everything, even if you think something might not be cool. It is important to identify everything you are good at.
2
Get in-tune with your emotions to feel more comfortable. The better you understand yourself, the more confident you'll feel around other people. If you are not in tune with your emotions, work on this skill. If you start to feel uncomfortable and you are not sure why, take a minute to figure out where the feelings are coming from.^{[2]
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- For example, if you are feeling uncomfortable on the first day of school, take a few deep breaths and consider what's making you nervous. You might feel anxious because you don’t know what to expect from your new teachers. But don't worry! Once you remember that everyone probably feels the same way, you can start to relax again.
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3
Be kind to yourself if you tend to be self-critical. Strive to love yourself the way that you love your best friend. Show yourself plenty of kindness, compassion, and understanding every day and avoid putting yourself down. If you can work on having a positive view of yourself, you'll be able to confidently show your best side to the world.^{[3]
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- Start each day by giving yourself a compliment on something you tend to be self-critical about. Try saying something like, “I have beautiful hair and my skin looks amazing!” Or, you could compliment yourself on a personality trait, such as, “I have a great sense of humor!”
- Make time for yourself to do the things you enjoy. For example, if you like to read, make sure to set aside at least 15 minutes to read each day.
- Forgive yourself when you make mistakes.^{[4]
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  Research source} When you make a mistake, try saying something like, “I forgive myself for that mistake. I am doing the best that I can do, and that is awesome!”
4
Push yourself to try new things if you are stuck in a rut. Part of being cool is being adventurous and trying new things. Look for new activities that interest you, and push yourself to try them even if you're scared! Some things you might try include:
- Joining a sports team or a special interest club. You could join your school’s basketball team or look into your school’s audio visual club.
- Exploring new music. Ask people for recommendations and check out new release playlists on Spotify to discover new music, but make sure to listen to music that you like. Don't just listen to music other people think is cool.^{[5]
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- Asking someone new to hang out. Invite the girl who sits next to you in math class to go for a walk. Or, ask the guy whose locker is across from yours to sit with you at lunch.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Having a Cool Attitude

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Listen carefully to people when they are talking. Good listening skills are essential in forming close friendships. It helps people to feel heard and understood when they talk with you, and they'll naturally want to spend time around you if you listen well! ^{[6]
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- It helps to put away your phone when you talk to someone. This will make it much easier to focus on what they are saying.
- Be truly present and curious in a conversation with anyone. Make sure to really listen to what they are saying instead of planning what you want to say next.
- Remember to set aside judgment. Listen to the person without thinking about whether you like or agree with what they are saying. Just focus on understanding them.
- Avoid interrupting them. Let the person completely finish speaking before you speak. However, you can acknowledge what the speaker is saying with neutral statements, such as, “uh huh,” “yes,” and “I see.”
2
Share your experiences when they are relevant to the conversation. Talking about cool experiences you have had is a great way to communicate with other people. Pay attention to moments in the conversation when it might be appropriate to bring up something cool that happened to you. Then, share your experience!
- Be careful not to brag when you share. For example, if someone is talking about how their family bought a speedboat, don’t mention that your family has 2 speedboats. Instead, you might say something like, “That’s awesome! I love going out on my family’s boat!”
3
Assert yourself in conversations. Having unique opinions and being able to stand up for yourself will help make your peers respect you. Instead of going along with what other people say, speak your mind. If someone asks you to do something that you are not comfortable doing, say “no,” and if you feel like someone is taking advantage of you, talk to them about it.^{[7]
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- Practice being assertive by saying “no” to something simple, such as a friend asking to borrow your favorite pair of shoes when you will need them, or your mom trying to get you to have a second helping of pancakes when you have already said you are full.
- Express your needs, like by saying, “I need my red heels for the party this weekend.” And remind yourself that being assertive is healthy.
- Keep in mind that some people may express hurt feelings when you tell them “no.” It is still important for you to assert yourself. If someone gets upset with you for asserting yourself, try saying something like, “I am sorry you feel that way. I am only asserting myself and my needs.”
- Take a deep breath if you find it hard to assert yourself. Imagine that you're standing up for your best friend or a family member instead of yourself to help you feel more confident.
4
Surround yourself with positive people. Choose people who make you feel happy. Avoid people who criticize you, put you down, or make you feel anxious. Instead, choose to spend your time with people who encourage you, compliment you, and make you feel comfortable; these are the people who will think you're cool.^{[8]
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- For example, if you have a friend who often criticizes your looks and makes you feel self-conscious, you might want to spend less time with them. Instead, seek out people who compliment you and make you feel good about yourself.
5
Be kind without expecting anything in return. People who are truly cool will make the people around them feel good. Offer genuine compliments to your classmates on their accomplishments, appearance, or personality. Offer to help when you see someone in need of assistance, such as if a new student can't find her class. ^{[9]
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- Show kindness by offering to help a fellow classmate who is struggling with a math problem.
- Volunteer at your local homeless shelter or soup kitchen to practice being kind towards strangers.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Looking Cool

1
Take care of your personal hygiene. Part of what makes you cool is looking and feeling like your best self. Every day, make sure to shower or take a bath, wash your hair and face, brush your teeth, and wear deodorant. Looking and smelling clean is an easy way to build your confidence and make you seem cooler to other people.^{[10]
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- Remember to always put on a set of clean clothes after you shower.
- Take an extra shower or bath whenever you get sweaty, such as on a hot day or from exercising.
2
Eat healthy and exercise. Taking care of your body with healthy food and regular physical activity is a great way to look cool. Eat lots of fruits and vegetables, along with lean protein, whole grains, and low-fat dairy products. You can do any type of physical activity you enjoy, such as walking, dancing, or playing a sport.
- If you think you need to lose or gain weight to get healthy, talk with your doctor. You should also speak with your doctor if you start to become preoccupied with your weight or diet. This may be a sign of an eating disorder.
- Aim for 150 minutes of physical activity per week to keep yourself healthy.
3
Choose clothing and accessories that make you feel good. Look out for new fashion trends or pick your old favorite t-shirt to wear to school. Just be sure that you feel comfortable! Don't be afraid to have your own sense of style. The key to rocking any outfit is confidence. If you want to stay up to date on the latest trends, check out a copy of your favorite fashion magazine or look at an online fashion blog.
- Always remember to follow your school's dress code. If you wear uniforms to school, try wearing a vintage scrunchie, or put on a cute bracelet to add a personal flair to your look.
4
Try wearing makeup if it appeals to you. Makeup is not a requirement to look cool, but there are lots of cool things you can do with makeup if you like wearing it. Watch makeup tutorials on Youtube, and then experiment with different looks to see what you like best.
- For example, you could try a cat eye look with eyeliner, do a smoky eye look for something dramatic, or opt for a natural makeup look.
- Keep in mind that whether or not you wear makeup is a personal choice. Don’t feel pressured to wear makeup if you don’t want to!^{[11]
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Experiment with your hair. Getting a new haircut and/or coloring your hair can change your whole look! If you have been rocking the same hairstyle for a while and you love your hair the way it is, there’s nothing wrong with that. However, if you have always wondered what you’d look like with a pixie cut, bangs, or a different hair color, visit a hair stylist and try something new!
- Keep in mind that you can always go shorter, but you can’t put hair back on after it has been cut. If you want to be cautious, don’t go more than a few inches shorter than your current cut.
- If you will be dyeing your hair at home, pick to a hair color that is only 1 to 2 shades darker or lighter than your current color. See a hair stylist if you want a more dramatic color change.^{[12]
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Stand tall and keep your head up. Standing or sitting in a slumped over position can make you seem like you lack confidence, and it can also have a negative effect on your mood.^{[13]
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Research source} On the other hand, practicing good posture can help you to look and feel more confident, which is cool!
- Try to imagine a string going from the top of your head all the way down your spine is pulling you upwards. Any time you feel like you are slumping, imagine the string is taut. This should help you to maintain better posture.
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Smile and make eye contact. People like to be acknowledged with eye contact and a smile. Acknowledging other people can help them to feel more connected. You may also make some new friends in the process!^{[14]
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- Try smiling and making eye contact with students you pass in the hallway. If someone smiles and makes eye contact back, say “hello!” or “good morning!” to greet them. This small connection will help to make your day and their day a little brighter.