How to Be Nice to a Girl

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: August 19, 2022 References

When you’re around a girl, you may feel awkward or not know what to do. Being nice to a girl doesn’t have to be a big challenge if you learn to be approachable, courteous, and respectful. One key aspect of making a girl think better of you is to be a good listener. Show an interest in what she says and does, rather than being distracted or thinking only about you. Make her feel special with small gestures and acts of kindness. With a little effort, it can be easy to be nice.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Being Kind and Friendly

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Be open and approachable.^{[1]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} Show interest and enthusiasm. Girls are more likely to engage in conversation with you if you are approachable. Give off the impression that you’d like to help, or at least be open to conversation. ^{[2]
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- Use body language that indicates openness. Smile. Maintain good eye contact. Turn and face the girl when talking.
- Avoid defaulting to checking your phone, computer or other devices. Show that you’re not too busy to have a conversation with the girl. For example, if a girl talks with you at a party, and you're constantly distracted by your phone, she'll likely think you don't want to talk with her, or aren't friendly.
- Avoid tensing up or getting anxious when the girl approaches or engages in conversation. Keep your body loose and avoid fidgeting.
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Be a good listener.^{[3]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} Have active listening skills that demonstrate empathy and engagement with what the girl is saying. Avoid making the conversation only about you and your interests. A good conversation is a two-way street.^{[4]
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- Pay attention when the girl is talking. Avoid distractions.
- Summarize or restate what you heard. Repeat it back to her for clarification or to demonstrate that you were listening. For example, “Let me see if I heard what you’re saying…”
- Reflect on what was said or provide feedback. For example, “It sounds like you had a tough night after talking with your parents.”
- Validate what you’ve heard. For example, “I can totally understand where you’re coming from.”
- Allow for pauses and silences for a few seconds. Avoid interrupting until the girl has finished her thoughts.
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Show an interest in what she says and does. While you may not always have the same interests or feelings about a situation, being nice involves showing genuine interest, and being willing to care about what others say and do.^{[5]
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- Ask question to know more about something that she’s interested in. Find something she likes that you can gravitate towards. For example, if she’s interested in cats and bicycling, and you’re not really into cats but like bikes, focus the questions around bicycling.
- Avoid getting distracted or zoning out. When trying to get to know a girl better, it’s important to be engaged and pay attention. If you’re having trouble staying focused, consider excusing yourself politely, and approaching her at a different time when you’re more ready to talk.
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Avoid petty arguments. Disagreements or differences of opinion can lead to petty arguments. No matter if you’re talking with a girl or a guy, it’s important to be calm and respectful. Don’t turn a difference of opinion into a big issue. ^{[6]
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- Being nice involves respecting other people’s viewpoints. A girl has a right to her views in the same way that you have right to yours. For example, let's say you're at school and talking with a girl after class about problems with a certain class. She may think highly of the class, while you think it's terrible. Avoid getting into a big argument just because she has a different opinion.
- Avoid getting upset with a girl or making her upset. Be aware of the way you act or what you say that could lead to arguments. Take a step back and take a deep breath if you need to avoid confrontation.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Making Her Feel Special

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Be courteous with small gestures.^{[7]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} Being chivalrous to a girl remains an important way to have courtesy and respect. You don’t have to bend-over backwards to be courteous. Consider these small gestures as signs of kindness and respect:^{[8]
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- Make sure to say “please” and “thank you.” Use your words to show appreciation of something she’s done to help you, even if it’s a small thing like picking up a pen that fell on the floor.
- Open doors for her. Allow her to walk through first, rather than going ahead of her. Show that you are gentleman.
- Help to get things that are possibly out of reach. Let’s say you’re at a store, and the girl is trying to reach something on the top shelf. Help to grab the item for her, or find someone who works at the store to help with getting the item down.
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Compliment her.^{[9]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} Whether you’re romantically interested in this girl or not, it can make a girl feel special when you compliment her. Avoid compliment her about certain body parts, that could make you come off as creepy.
- Compliment her about if she dressed nicely today. It doesn’t have to be too specific, just say, “You look nice today.”
- Compliment her about something she’s doing well. Let’s say you’re in a class with her, and she just gave a great class presentation. You could say, “That was a great presentation. It looked effortless.”
- Compliment her about things that she does for others. If she has a generous spirit, say something like, “You’re very caring.”
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Show up early or on-time to show that you care. If there is an event planned or you’re meeting up with a girl, show up on-time. Show that you respect her time, as much as yours, particularly if she’s involved in the event planning.
- Being present and showing up is one of the simplest ways to show that you care.
- Being nice is also about being considerate of others’ time. The girl is less likely to be anxious or frustrated if you show up when you said you would.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Staying Sincere and Humble

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Be confident but humble. Show confidence in who you are, and that you have many good things to offer others. Avoid being overly confident by being kind and appreciative of others.
- Avoid bragging about yourself, or making the conversation all about you when talking to a girl. For example, let's say you just met a girl, and she asks about what work you do. Maybe you want to brag about how much money you make. While this may seem like a good way to impress a girl, it's important to be humble, and instead focus more on what you enjoy about your work.
- Avoid being hard or down about yourself. Try to focus the conversation on things that you enjoy doing, rather than what makes you annoyed or unhappy. Avoid making the conversations intense or morbid.
- Show that you can be friendly and kind to others, not just to the girl you’re talking to. Learn to be more comfortable around acquaintances or people you don’t know by asking questions about their interests.
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Be considerate of her feelings. Avoid making her feel dumb, uninteresting, or rude. Be thoughtful in what you say and how you say it. If you think that what you say may come out wrong, or seem hurtful, avoid blurting it out.
- Think before you speak. Take a few seconds to process what you’ll say. Imagine whether your words could come off as rude, cold, or unfeeling if you were in the girl’s shoes.
- Remember that each person is different. One girl may react in one way, and another girl might react differently. Be prepared for the possibility that what you say may not work out as well as you thought.
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Show your support when she's having a tough time. Be supportive when someone is feeling down, frustrated, or confused. Showing empathy and concern is a step towards a better relationship.
- Offer your help in some way. For example, if she’s had a bad day and she’s carrying lots of stuff, offer to help with carrying some of the items.
- Avoid trying to quickly find solutions to her problems. She may just want to have emotional support, rather than advice on what to do.
- Offer hugs to help console her. If she’s very sad or tearful, be welcoming, but make sure that it’s appropriate. Ask for her permission, such as, “I’m sorry about what you’re going through. Do you need a hug?”
- Treat her as you would like to be treated—with kindness and sincerity.

Expert Q&A
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Question

What can I do to be nice to a girl?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

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You can start by being polite and doing small gestures each day for her, like holding a door open or helping her carry things.